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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Should I say something?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

First the facts

My Dh's brother and sister in law had 5 children

She has had 8 pregnancies in the last 8 years

In the past 3 3/4 years she has had two full term pregnancies and two miscarriages.

During her last live birth (1 year ago in April) she had an emergency c-section, the placenta detached too early and she hemorrhaged badly.

She just had her 3rd miscarriage at 21 weeks Again she hemorrhaged, had to have a DnC (D&C?)

She suspects that her almost 4 year old has some kind of sensory disorder. From the outside it is blatantly obvious that he has a sensory disorder but she has not taken him to be evaluated.

With this last pregnancy she made a huge post on Facebook about how she takes good care of her kids, they have all they need ect. It got so many like and comments from people who are NOT her family. Who WILL NOT have to care for or console her 5 children if she dies Who's child will not be going with out if it's born with a disability.

- They are on PA, they have no healthcare & my DH Step Dad has cut them off financially at this point.

My FIL and MIL are a Doctor and a L&D nurse. They have both talked to them about how dangerous this is. Because they have at this point cut them off financially she's extremely mad at them (they don't 'like' her.)

I know my MIL. She LOVES her and she LOVES those kids. She wouldn't give one of them back if she could. FIL is even more ridiculously in love with the kids.

She likes validation and I see all these people (who don't know about the full health issues) encouraging her to try again and ignore the "haters." It's not like that at all. The people telling her to stop are the people who love her the most. MIL thinks that I should talk to her bc we are the same age and we're somewhat close. Idk. I really care about her and I want to say "Have another baby if you really want one but give your body a year. Get in shape, take prenatal vitamins do it right." But I don't know how she'll take it...

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:36 AM
Replies (21-28):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:58 AM

Any doctor can refuse to treat you if you won't listen to their treatment plan or offer an alternative plan they find acceptable.

The only exception to that is emergency care. 

Sounds like this woman is going to get pregnant and won't seek care (or everyone will drop her for not listening) until she either has a miscarriage, goes into labor or some horrible complication comes up. 

OP - in my state, no prenatal care is a certain way to have CPS called on you. Does your SIL know that?


Quoting Anonymous:


yeah its bad but its still her choiche. I didnt know a Doctor can refuse to see you when you are pregnant?

Quoting Anonymous:

fertility is not an issue but she's going to die. She had a doctor drop her already for being high risk and refusing medical adivce. 

Quoting peanutsmommy1:

nope, her fertility is none of your business






amber710
by Silver Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this
To be completely honest I know that I wouldn't have been able to read that Facebook status without commenting. Probably something along the lines of "I'm sorry to be a "hater", I just happen to be a family member who loves you dearly and actually knows the whole situation and how much danger you are trying to put yourself in. You can't expect people who want what is best for you to applaud with joy when you make choices that are NOT best for you, your family, and your body. Anyone who tells you differently either doesn't care enough about you or doesn't know what is going on."

And she would get mad. Maybe even delete it. But she would know what I thought and I could also bring it up in person if the opportunity arose without her being shocked by my position.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jul. 29, 2013 at 12:00 PM

OP, is your sister in law "afraid" to work? Is that why she keeps popping out kids? My sister in law was like that and was only able to have two kids. She still doesn't work but bitches about it nonetheless.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 29, 2013 at 12:00 PM

I think she should at least do that much. I think she is (like another poster suggested) a little addicted to this cycle she's in. She knows she should stop but she can't. I think that the back to back pregnancies are because her husband is seriously considering getting a vasectomy (which his dad offered to pay for) and she knows she can't stall forever. He's kind of a big pushover. He doesn't disagree with her. He works so hard, gets up with the babies at night bc she's "burned out" or has to make bows or other stuff. I feel bad for him but it takes two to tango.

It's my DH step brother. There parents started dating when they were teens and BIL lived with his mom. 

You can already see the effect this is having on the older girls. Their oldest dd is developing a very needy/defiant attitude. She will be an interesting teen. 

Quoting amber710:

I would say something if you feel the need to. But I expect it to go ignored. It would be just to make you feel like you tried. Why wouldn't your dh just talk to his brother? I wouldn't listen to fertility advice from my husband's brother's wife (barely a relation) but my husband would listen to advice from his brother!

I don't think she should even wait a year and have another. I think she should actually try harder with the kids she already has and not risk them losing a parent and leaving her dh a single dad.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jul. 29, 2013 at 12:13 PM
Stay out of it, because she won't listen to even the doctors. But keep an eye on the situation and maybe call social services? She might have a pregnancy addiction, and also if her kids have sensory issues and she won't take care of them, she needs to have a social worker involved.
malibucj
by Platinum Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 12:14 PM

I know you and your family are worried. But it's her body and life. It's really none of yalls business if she trys to conceive or whatever.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 29, 2013 at 1:04 PM

I don't really know what it is. I don't know if a person can be addicted to pregnancy but that would make sense. She will sometimes say they aren't going to have any more but it's like she can't help it. her last 5 pregnancies have been miss carriage, live birth, miscarriage, live birth, miscarriage. I gently suggested that she talk to a councilor today because that's a lot to go through. Sometimes it seems like she knows whats reasonable and she just can't help herself. 

Quoting Anonymous:

OP, is your sister in law "afraid" to work? Is that why she keeps popping out kids? My sister in law was like that and was only able to have two kids. She still doesn't work but bitches about it nonetheless.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 29, 2013 at 1:05 PM

when her 5 children are motherless what do I say to them? When they are split up because there is no one to take all of them and their dad can't do it how do I explain that it was "none of my business?" 

Quoting malibucj:

I know you and your family are worried. But it's her body and life. It's really none of yalls business if she trys to conceive or whatever.


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