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I finally found out the family secret...and now I wish I never had.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I'm posting anon because the family secret does involve me; however innocent on my part, I'm still having problems coming to terms with it. I haven't talked about it with anyone since I found out, not even my SO. I apologize if the post is long...I just had to tell someone.'ll need a little backstory. Really long story parents divorced when I was 2 and my brother was 3. They both remarried and shared custody 50/50. My mom remarried a really great guy, we loved him so much. Let's call him Steve. He married my mom when I was 4 and my brother was 5. We worshipped that guy, my mom was crazy about him, and we had a really happy life together.

But one day....he just left. Overnight. I was 14 at the time. My brother and I spent a weekend at my dad's, as we often did, but when we went home to my mom's that Sunday night, everything was different. Steve was gone. All of his stuff was gone. We didn't understand. My mom wouldn't tell us anything. All she said was that "He did something really bad, and he had to leave. There was no question. It was for everyone's safety." And that was that. She NEVER said any more about it, and we never saw or spoke to Steve again. We got zero closure. I know it was hard for her though, because I heard her crying at night and she was depressed for a long time after that.

Well, for years and years I have wondered what he could have done. My brother and I speculated to no end. But I never asked. I wanted to keep my memories in tact - I didn't want my happy memories and love for Steve to be tainted by something awful. So for years I didn't say anything. But finally, when visiting my mother last week, it came out. We were talking, and one thing kind of led to another, and she ended up telling me.



Steve developed a "thing" for little girls. He never had the inclination before, never thought of me in any unnatural way, but apparently when I started to hit puberty, he discovered a...perverse attraction to me. I never noticed it. Nobody did, he kept it to himself. Until one day, when my mom found out. Steve had bought me a new clock radio that I hated, but he forced me to throw out the one I liked and keep this one. I didn't understand, I thought it was slightly weird at the time, but I didn't think more of it. How could I? But my mom told me that he was so insistent because that clock radio he bought me had a hidden camera in it. He had been planning to videotape me without my knowledge, in the privacy of my room. When my mom found out, she booted his ass out the door, and rightly so. She did what she should have done and protected me, before anything worse could happen. For that I will be forever grateful. But I am still brokenhearted.

Hearing this news did exactly what I thought it would. It tainted my memories of Steve. It made me wonder about every hug, every kiss he ever gave me. Were they really innocent? Or did he always have a thing for me? I feel dirty somehow. I loved him so much....he was very special to me. My mom took me to therapy after he left to be sure that he didn't actually act on his perversion, and she and the therapist were very confident that I wasn't harmed and wasn't repressing any unwanted activity. So my mom stopped him before anything actually happened.

I am just so upset. I feel like I can't talk about this with anyone. Apparently I was the last to brother knew, my Gramma, my aunts, etc. Everybody but me. My mom always insisted that nobody EVER tell me; she never even planned on telling me herself, no matter if I asked or not. But she did....and although I am forever thankful for my amazing mother, who saved me from what could have been a very damaging experience, I just feel....wrong. Like my love for Steve was wrong all along and I just didn't know it. I feel stupid, I feel used...I just feel so conflicted.

I wish I had never asked....I wish my mom never told me. All these years my curiosity has been driving me crazy, but I wish I had never given into it. I think I was better off not knowing.


Wow...I never expected to get so many replies! Thank you ladies for all the wonderful support. :) And to all of you telling me to be thankful for my mother, you can rest assured that I am - every minute of every day. I have always been SUPER close with my mom, she is my best friend. Even before I found out all of this. I am practically a carbon copy of her; we look alike, sound alike, our personalities are incredibly similar, even our laugh is identical. And I am proud every day to be so much like her. She's an amazing role model.

I will never stop thanking her for saving me like she did. I will forever be grateful to have such a wonderful and strong woman as a mother. I only hope that I can do her justice with my kids. I always tell her that she's a "hard act to follow". :) But I know that if I am even half the mother she is, my kids will be just fine.

This will probably "out" me, if any of you can recognize me from my picture. But oh well...I just wanted to share a picture of my mom and I together. We took this only a few days after she told me the "family secret", when I was on vacation visiting her. This is the image of a strong, loving, selfless mother and her eternally grateful daughter:

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:46 AM
Replies (291-300):
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 6:30 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow, That is crazy. I am glad you told her! She needed to know. That is great that you were strong enough to know right from wrong and keep your sister and her kids safe.

Quoting Anonymous:

My sister is 11 years older than me.  She had dated the guy she married since she was 16 (which would have made me 5 when I first met... Don).  Don always played with me, rough housed with me - which I loved.  I didn't have any brothers.  He's made luke skywalker ride my little ponies.   They married when my sister was 21 and I was 10.  

They would take me to concerts and events on their college campus and I spent the night at their house.  When they had kids I would babysit their kids, spend the weekend there, etc...  They got me a bus pass and gave me lots of freedom.   My mom would have flipped but I was always safe and it was fun.  Well everything changed one day when I was 14.  

I was spending hte weekend since they my sister had a big paper due and Don had to work.  It was summer and I was laying out on their deck working on my tan.  I was wearing a bikini, but a very tame one.  Like sports bra and briefs.  My sister left for the libary, Don was getting ready to leave for work, so I had to come in to watch the kids.  He said my back looked sunburt and said I needed some aloe on my back.  While he was putting aloe on my back he leaned down and kissed me on my neck.  I was frozen with shock.  He turned me around, leaned in to kiss me on the lips, but was interupted by me kicking him in the testicles.  I grabbed my nephew who was a baby at the time, and locked myself in one of hte kids rooms.  He banged on the door, tried to apologize but I woudn't open the door.  

I called my mom and told her I was sick and she needed to come get me.  I didn't tell her what happened for a few days.  When I did she told me not to tell anyone and just stay away from him.  I thought she meant she just needed time to handle it.  She meant forget that it happen and never tell anyone.  D:  Well about a month later my sister cornered me about why I wouldn't come babysit anymore and I told her everything.  She hugged me, said she wasn't mad, and that it would be ok.  Then she proceeded to drive to Don's workplace, wait at the front test while he was paged to the lobby, then beat his ass in front of God and everyone for touching her little sister.  He's stuff was on the front lawn when he got home from work (he was fired that day too because of what everyone heard)

My mom was mad at me.  Told me I ruined their marriage.  I knew I didn't.  I knew keeping the secret was wrong.  My relationship with my mom has NEVER been the same to this day.  Even though I know she (my mom) was molested as a child and has a lot of shame around it, she still should have handled it the right way.  Hiding it is not hte answer.   My nephews are in their early 20s and don't know.  I think they should be told.  They are getting married and will start families soon.   They need to know that their dad is not to be trusted around their future daughters.  

by Anonymous 69 on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:55 AM

Kudos to your mom for not ignoring it and pretending that it wasn't about to happen! Many moms just turn a blind eye to keep the man with her. I know you feel conflicted but you did NOTHING wrong in this instance. Im sure you weren't the only kid that he was lusting after. Most of these types of men have ruined many little girls before they get caught. I was a victim of molestation on a school bus on my way to kindergarten. They were 10th grade "men" in my 5 year old mind. There was four of them and they nearly killed me when the driver yelled to "shut that kid up!" and one placed his hand over my nose and mouth. They held me down and I was defenseless against them. They told me if I told anyone they would kill my family and I believed them. I will be 50 in January and this incident still controls me in many ways. I talked to a therapist about it and she said that me thinking about it gave them power over me and that if I were to be able to look them up they wouldn't even remember the incident. So I am sure you loved Steve but he was about to ruin your life hun! Do't be angry with family for not telling you about it. The were trying to protect you. Had you known you would have felt ashamed about your body the rest of your life wondering what you did wrong to make him feel like that. Keep you chin up, thank the ones that love you and put him out of your mind.

by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 2:05 AM
2 moms liked this
You are extremely fortunate to have such a wonderful, loving and caring mom. She protected you from a sick monster. She put you before a man she loved at that time. You were saved from a lifetime of psychological problems. You are so lucky to have such a strong woman as your mom. She kept that pain inside for all these years, she kept all that pain inside her to make sure you could live a productive, happy life. She told you now because you are old enough and strong enough to handle it. Also so you can now help her to forget what happened, and help her by listening, and varifying that what she did was the right thing. She must have finally realized she couldn't keep that secret inside, bottled up inside, eating at her every day. Try to understand what it took for your mom to send the man she loved away. Then letting you love that man this long. I'm sorry I didn't mean to preach to you. But my mom wasn't that strong. My dad spent time in prison for molesting my older sister, then when he got out, my mom let him back into the house with four girls living in the house. She didn't watch out for my sisters and I. My father molested me through my childhood. Be proud of your mom, she's a great woman who loves you more than anything else.
by Gold Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 2:06 AM

Wow Your  a very fortune  womam to have her in your life and she  saved you from a very bad man who should of been put in jsil! Some women would of  like my mother picked DIck ofr child so you our very lucky :)

Sorry Steve was a very bad man I hope Karma bit his ugly ass :)

by Anonymous 70 on Aug. 1, 2013 at 9:08 PM

Wish all moms were as incredible as yours.

by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 7:54 AM

Don't worry about your affection for Steve at that time. You were a little child and you did nothing wrong. Thanks to your mom he didn't get a chance to harm you. Be thankful that your mom put her kids' needs first. She is a great mom. You are OK thanks to her. Don't dwell on the past. It will make your mom sad.

by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:50 PM

You are so very lucky to have a mother like you do! So many times we hear stories of mothers not protecting their daughters in the same situation and lulling themselves into a state of denial allowing their children to be harmed, but you know that already.

Your love for Steve was innocent and it is ok to leave it just as that. Whatever his feelings were your emotions and memories are nothing to be ashamed of. 

by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 1:52 AM
Oh wow! Clever..

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Sc1:

The fact ur mom took u to counseling after the fact shoulda given u some inclination of what was going on.

 When she told me that, I was surprised, because I didn't remember ever speaking to a therapist. She said that she had taken me to see one in a way that wouldn't let on it what was really happening. I don't know specifically who it was, she didn't describe the situation to jog my memory or anything. She just said that, at the time, I had no idea I was talking to a therapist.

by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 1:05 PM

You are very lucky because some mothers would have looked the other way and shrugged it off even if they would found out what he was doing , just so they could keep their marriage together 

by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 2:28 PM

So sorry this happened to you. Your mother is a strong, loving woman who sacrificed for her daughter. Way to go Mom! Wish all  women were this selfless when it came to their children. Your situation could have turned out so differently if she hadn't been. Hope you find a way to handle what you've learned. Good luck!

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