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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is this something to leave SO over? Porn related....

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies
A while ago we were struggling sexually and doctor's could find nothing wrong with him. I started researching and found that men that watch porn could suffer from porn related erectile dysfunction.I sent him the articles I read and we talked it over and he said he would stop and it wouldn't be a problem since he only looks on occasion. Well things got better for a while but then I found porn in his history on his tablet. And for the last month and a half we have been struggling again. He has a rough time getting hard again and he won't last more than like a minute which is frustrating for both us. I don't know why he won't just stop knowing how frustrating is. I just found a porn dvd that he downloaded from the internet in the laundry that must have fallen into the basket which was right next to the tv stand in our room. This last week was horrible sexually and now I'm just down right angry. Why won't he stop? I hate bringing it up because he gets all bent out of shape. Would you leave your SO if it were happening to you? If everything else in your relationship was fine? He apparently can't stop and I know he won't go for help, thats out of the question, He's a very private person and would never do that. So what would you do? I'm at my whits end with this and can't take much more. When he gets off of midnights friday night I know he will think that I want sex and initiate it but I think I will just tell him no, I'm done until he stops for good. He almost for sure watches porn when he is on midnights because he takes his tablet with him when he goes to bed as if I'm stupid and don't know. Please help!
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 30, 2013 at 11:56 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:00 PM

BUMP

scarletmeshell
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:00 PM

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. If he will not get help then yes I would leave him.

La_Vie_en_R0se
by Gold Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:04 PM

He needs to get help.  If he doesn't then he doesn't really value your relationship.  Yes I would leave if it were causing problems in my marriage and my husband refused to get help. 

laylolilah
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:04 PM
Don't know that I'd leave, but would definitely keep trying to prevent it if I had reason to believe that porn was indeed the cause of his sexual dysfunction.
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art.diva
by Gold Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:04 PM
1 mom liked this

This is more than sex issues at this point.  Its about trust, honesty, and possible addiction.  He needs to change.  

            

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:05 PM

I mean we don't for 100% sure but that's the only other explanation. He has seen a doctot who cleared him of induced ED

Quoting laylolilah:

Don't know that I'd leave, but would definitely keep trying to prevent it if I had reason to believe that porn was indeed the cause of his sexual dysfunction.


goldpandora
by Silver Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:05 PM

Couple of questions...

 

Did the doctors check his testosterone, specifically his FREE testosterone?

Also, if you were getting enough sex, would you accept the porn?

thefinalfall13
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:05 PM

It's hard to answer this question without knowing many other variables.. but I am a believer in trying to make things work until you can't find any other way.  If there is something wrong sexually maybe it would be beneficial to know what he's fantasizing about when he's watching porn.. not that I'm blaming you for this at all.. so please don't take it that way, but I know that if it was my SO I would want to try everything before I give up.

spooky415
by Ruby Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:07 PM
1 mom liked this
You're saying that your relationship is fine otherwise but its not. You don't like that he's doing this and he's doing it anyway and I get the feeling you feel he is being dishonest about how often he's doing it. So yeah, your relationship isn't fine. I know you think he won't go but approach therapy from a different angle. Don't be like "I think we should go because of the porn." Tell him you feel there's a disconnect with intimacy and communication and you'd like some professional help. Don't necessarily put it all on him. His issues might have a lot to do with it but with my husband (and we didnt have sexual issues, but still, we needed help all the same) if when I tried to say "I think you need help" it didn't work. I had to explain that I thought our MARRIAGE needed help. And that I was having issues-that was what got him into therapy. Me saying it was about us and not him. Just some thoughts if you DO want to try the therapy thing.
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Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:07 PM

I think that is a valid reason for divorce.  If you cannot live with this, it is negatively affecting you.  And that will negatively affect your children, though they won't know why for many years.  (Keep in mind, children ALWAYS stumble upon these things!)

The sad thing is that you are so sure he won't seek help.  I think YOU should head into counseling first.  Learn new ways to communicate, respond, and mitigate situations.  Then as he sees positive changes in you, maybe he'll be drawn in?  If not, then you already have a good support base to help you decide when enough is enough and to help you move on.

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