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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My daughter doesn't want me to be happy, or to share me...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 45 Replies
Ok I really need advice. Please no bashing. Ill try and make this as short as I can. I'm a single mom to a beautiful 6 year old dd. Her father chose not to be in her life and has never met her. So for the most part its just been her and I. Last year in June she was diagnosed with ADHD, SPD and her behavioral therapist thinks she may have ODD as well.

I love my dd VERY much, and she has always come first. I have only dated 2 men since she was born. The first man I dated for a year. She didn't like him and I had no clue why. She wouldn't say, she just was a TERROR whenever he was around. She was never alone with him. He was always nice to her. But he couldn't take her bahaviors and her being mean and nasty to him so he said he couldn't continue the relationship with me.

A year later I started dating the man I'm with now. Shortly after dd had met him, she started acting the same way as before. Mean and nasty, ignoring him, tantrums, and overall HORRIBLE behaviors. It just keeps getting worse. Again, she's never been alone with him, and he's not mean to her or anything. Dd is ALWAYS with us, she is never left out and we take her to do things. But when we do, it always ends with us having to leave early because she is just behaving so awful.

Today my bf asked her to please pick up her toy cars she had been playing with earlier before she brought out a different toy to play with. She FREAKED out on him. She started throwing her stuffed animals at him. He kept asking her why she treats him this way. She kept saying "idk". I put her in time out. I had my boyfriend go home so I could have a serious talk with dd.

She finally tells me that she doesn't like my bf. I asked her why and she said that he really didn't do anything, she just doesn't want me to have a bf. Ever. She said she NEVER wants me to EVER get married, and she NEVER wants me to EVER have another baby. She doesn't want a brother or a sister. She said she always just wants it to be her and I. I have never left her, I always have given her attention and I am her sole provider and only parent.

But honestly I am so sad she feels this way because my dream has always been to get married, and give dd a father figure and a sibling someday. I'm almost 28 years old. I'm not getting any younger. I don't want to be alone. Lets face it, when she becomes a teenager she will be out and about involved in sports, school stuff, and with friends. Then when she's 18 shell go off to college. Ill be alone. Also, I can't just let her control my life like she seems to think she can.

What can I do to make us BOTH happy?!
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ttriddick
by Gold Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:41 PM
I honestly have no idea. That sounds rough. Have you all tried therapy together? Or at the least, with just you two?
Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:44 PM
2 moms liked this

Daycare?  School?  How is she there?

Honestly, I'd get a babysitter and leave her and go out.  Short times to begin with, but she needs to learn (and quick) who the adult is.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:44 PM
1 mom liked this
She started seeing a behavioral therapist at children's hospital a month and a half ago. Shes only had two visits so far. But we see her again in a week. Its therapy for her and I to learn how to control her behaviors. I plan on telling her therapist about this then. I can't live my life alone just to pacify her and what she wants. I love her to death, but a 6 year old child can't control an adults life.

Quoting ttriddick:

I honestly have no idea. That sounds rough. Have you all tried therapy together? Or at the least, with just you two?
ttriddick
by Gold Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:46 PM
Yeah I agree. I mean I'm all for putting kids first, but this just seems unreasonable. I hope the therapist is of help.


Quoting Anonymous:

She started seeing a behavioral therapist at children's hospital a month and a half ago. Shes only had two visits so far. But we see her again in a week. Its therapy for her and I to learn how to control her behaviors. I plan on telling her therapist about this then. I can't live my life alone just to pacify her and what she wants. I love her to death, but a 6 year old child can't control an adults life.



Quoting ttriddick:

I honestly have no idea. That sounds rough. Have you all tried therapy together? Or at the least, with just you two?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:46 PM
She's never been in daycare. Last year she went to 5K and LOVED it. She has lots of friends that she sees and plays with. She's excited for 1st grade. She has zero behavior issues at school. She's mostly well behaved at my parents house too. But when she's home with me, all hell breaks loose. She thinks she can do what she wants and control the shots, even though she DOES get punished. She just doesn't care about punishments.

Quoting Not_A_Native:

Daycare?  School?  How is she there?


Honestly, I'd get a babysitter and leave her and go out.  Short times to begin with, but she needs to learn (and quick) who the adult is.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:47 PM
Thanks. I feel it is unreasonable as well. :(

Quoting ttriddick:

Yeah I agree. I mean I'm all for putting kids first, but this just seems unreasonable. I hope the therapist is of help.




Quoting Anonymous:

She started seeing a behavioral therapist at children's hospital a month and a half ago. Shes only had two visits so far. But we see her again in a week. Its therapy for her and I to learn how to control her behaviors. I plan on telling her therapist about this then. I can't live my life alone just to pacify her and what she wants. I love her to death, but a 6 year old child can't control an adults life.





Quoting ttriddick:

I honestly have no idea. That sounds rough. Have you all tried therapy together? Or at the least, with just you two?

starlight91
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:49 PM

she needs to be told, she cant always have it the way she wants it and its too bad she wants you to be alone instead of having someone to love you & her in your lives.

midjet117
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:51 PM

 I dont know. Whatever it is maybe it just makes her uncomfortable with the thought of the changing dynamic. Maye its just a phase and she'll grow out of it later.

Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:51 PM

 


Quoting Anonymous:

She's never been in daycare. Last year she went to 5K and LOVED it. She has lots of friends that she sees and plays with. She's excited for 1st grade. She has zero behavior issues at school. She's mostly well behaved at my parents house too. But when she's home with me, all hell breaks loose. She thinks she can do what she wants and control the shots, even though she DOES get punished. She just doesn't care about punishments.

Quoting Not_A_Native:

Daycare?  School?  How is she there?


Honestly, I'd get a babysitter and leave her and go out.  Short times to begin with, but she needs to learn (and quick) who the adult is.

If she doesn't care about the punishments, then you need to change them to something she DOES care about. Say - has to sit in a room quietly without you.

And really at her age, I'd level with her.  I'd TELL her that someday you might get married, that she's the kid, she doesn't get a voice in it.  That when you go out, she WILL stay with a babysitter.  That you may even have more kids one day, and again, not her choice.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:55 PM
See I have told her this. Her answer is "you'll never be alone, you'll always have me and I love you. You don't need anyone else." I try to explain to her that she will grow up and not want to always be around me. She will want to do her own teenage things. She says "no I won't." I know she's only 6 and most likely doesn't understand that. It just makes it very hard.

Quoting starlight91:

she needs to be told, she cant always have it the way she wants it and its too bad she wants you to be alone instead of having someone to love you & her in your lives.

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