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I know I need to turn my son in but it is killing me- long sorry -UPDATE-

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 40 Replies

 A little back story.  My DS is 18.   He has gotten in trouble a few times since he turned 16 for theft. When he was 15 he choose to go live with his father.   Last year he was arrested for stealing blank checks from my Ex-DH ( his dad) and writing about $800 worth of checks.  The bank prosocuted him.  This is a felony.  Because he was a minor at the time the judge gave him one last chance and gave him 2 yrs probation and if he stayed out of trouble in those 2 years the felony would be taken off his record.  He moved back with me in April.  He turned 18 in May.  Once he turned 18 he quit school.  He got a good job working with my DH. 

He has been doing very well the last couple months.  He got a loan and bought a truck and was making good money.  A rule of his probation is that he either has a job or he is in school. 

On Sunday he said that he was going down by his Dads ( about 4 hours away) to see hi greatgrandma who was dying.  Not a problem.  He has gone down to visit his family down there. .  Well Sunday night he messaged me and told me he wasnt coming back.  He didnt take anything with him, not even a change of clothes.

The major problem is he is breaking a few rules of his probation.

1. He needs to have a permenent address- right now he is couch surfing with friends he shouldnt be around

2.  He needs to either have a job or be enrolled in school - he has neither

3. He has a 10 pm curfew on weeknights and 12 on weekends which he is not following at all

4. He cant be around people who are known to be involved in drugs.-  He is hanging around a couple of people he shouldnt be

5. He needed written permission to move-  obviously he didnt

 

Not to mention the fact that he took his truck with him and he has only made 1 payment on it and now very little money and no job and no play to live.  Because the felony is on his record still it is difficult for him to get a job and the only reason he got the one he did is because my DH got it for him.

I am very afraid that once he runs out of money he is going to get himself in even more trouble and be in jail for a very long time.

I know I need to turn him in before he does anything stupid but when I do his probation will be revolked and he will go to jail for 2 years.  As a mother this is killing me. 

 

 

EDIT-  I called to talk to his PO and she informed me that there was already a warrant out for his arrest for violating his probation because he wasnt returning calls to his PO.    I filled her in on everything and they called the county he is in right now to pick him up.  We are trying to get him to turn himself in.  He isnt even talking to his sister right now but I hope he does the right thing and does this the easy way  :(

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TurtleMomma82
by Ruby Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:44 PM

Part of growing up is making your own decisions, good or bad.  He's making this choice himself.  Talk to him and see if he will come back.....but otherwise he's making his own bed to lay in

kikibix
by Ruby Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:44 PM

Wow, what a horrible situation. Hope your son realizes how bad the choices he is making are and turns his life around.

XoXo.Nikki.XoXo
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:44 PM
2 moms liked this
I can understand your conflicting feelings, but it's obvious that you know the right thing to do. Not turning him in will do alot worse than turning him in.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:45 PM

 I have tried and hes not even answering my texts or calls.  His dad wants nothing more to do with him and says he is not welcome at his home. 

Quoting TurtleMomma82:

Part of growing up is making your own decisions, good or bad.  He's making this choice himself.  Talk to him and see if he will come back.....but otherwise he's making his own bed to lay in

 

WaffleHead
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:45 PM
I'm sorry you're going through this. You know what you need to do, do it
t1gger143
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:46 PM
Tell him his actions have consequences and he has 6 hours to get home or you will turn him in. I have a friend like this. He finally straightened out at 27.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:48 PM

Does he have to report to his PO every month or is he on non-report status?

cfcf
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:50 PM
Can you threaten to call PO in hopes he'll just come home? Is he doing drugs himself? If drugs are involved I'd call only because you could be saving his life. Probation will catch up with him sooner or later even if you don't call.
sampson200
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:52 PM

Is there someone within the 'probation violation' world you can contact?

I'd call them and have them go there to haul him back home from breaking it.

He's 18; he will soon learn, probably for many years, the legal ramification for behaving like a moron.

I am sorry this pains you so much.

WHY has he been on such a path?

lwalker270
by Ruby Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:52 PM

I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.  However, if you don't turn him in, you're doing him a real disservice.  He has to learn that if he makes adult decisions, there are adult consequences.

I know someone who constantly bailed her son out and is still doing so even though he's almost 30.  

In the long-run, it's better for both of you.

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