Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Help help help. How can I be more supportive....? Breakup advice

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 6 Replies

Ok so I'll try to keep it short, my brother and his GF of several years broke up about a month ago.

In a nutshell, she dumped him saying they fight too much (which is true) and have irreconcilable differences, and that he is not supportive of her  - true as well, my brother has a hard time dealing with emotions and she has unresolved family  issues that lead to a lot of crying which he never understands and that pissed her off.

He's taken it very hard. They practically lived together but I didn't know he loved her so much, he didn't show it, and that's what has me so confused. He has tried to get her back several times and she always shoots him down saying that it's better to part ways now than later down the road through a divorce.

However, despite the fighting she did keep him company, they were together every day and every weekend so ofc he misses her. He says everything in his apartment reminds him of her and he is super lonely when he gets home.

He has taken this very hard and is always sad/crying, my mom is very concerned and thinks he's depressed. He is very lonely, and he lives in a different city, he doesn't have many friends there and is "disappointed in women" because all he hears are slut stories from his friends. So he thinks it will be difficult to meet someone new.

Every time I call him and try to cheer him up, he cries :( I hate seeing him like this and I want to be more supportive, but I feel I've run out of things to say. I don't believe she wants him back, but he says when he calls her she cries. And he doesn't understand why she doesn't want to be with him.

I don't want to be an insensitive bitch, but I've run out of things to say. I feel awkward talking to him because I sometimes feel he's grieving more over the lack of company and loneliness than over her specifically. kwim? I also don't want to encourage him to keep going after her because he keeps getting hurt every time he calls.

I don't know what to say to him anymore to help him cope and move on. Any suggestions?

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 31, 2013 at 2:57 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-6):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:33 PM

I know this is not a juicy post but I'd appreciate some advice please!


He just texted me that he is so depressed and is at such a low point in his life... wtf :S

mommy2zbg
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:37 PM

 tell him to go to a therapist, they can help him.

As for what you should say since you have ran out of things to you, just tell him that you see both his and her points of views. Maybe the relationship wasn't healthy. You might understand that he is lost and not really knowing what to do but encourage him to try to make the best of it... get out, go out and tell him to make some friends.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:38 PM

I know it seems really harsh and i know you dont want to be an insensitive bitch but maybe he needs to hear the reality of the situation. Maybe he needs to hear from you, someone that loves and cares about him and knows him very well, that he created this disaster and that if he really cared that much he should have worked a little harder to keep her.

Sometimes though honesty is harsh it is the most beneficial thing you can do for a person that you love. Who knows maybe he will realize you were right and that he F-ed his own lfe up and he can try and make it better with his past gf or he will think about what you said to him and use it in a future relationship.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:55 PM

Thank you....  I'm not sure if he'll take it the right way but deep down I think I do need to be honest with him even if he doesn't want to hear it


Quoting Anonymous:

I know it seems really harsh and i know you dont want to be an insensitive bitch but maybe he needs to hear the reality of the situation. Maybe he needs to hear from you, someone that loves and cares about him and knows him very well, that he created this disaster and that if he really cared that much he should have worked a little harder to keep her.

Sometimes though honesty is harsh it is the most beneficial thing you can do for a person that you love. Who knows maybe he will realize you were right and that he F-ed his own lfe up and he can try and make it better with his past gf or he will think about what you said to him and use it in a future relationship.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:57 PM

Thanks! He hates the idea of therapy but I do agree that he needs to get some professional help, especially because he is far away from family... thanks for your advice


Quoting mommy2zbg:

 tell him to go to a therapist, they can help him.

As for what you should say since you have ran out of things to you, just tell him that you see both his and her points of views. Maybe the relationship wasn't healthy. You might understand that he is lost and not really knowing what to do but encourage him to try to make the best of it... get out, go out and tell him to make some friends.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:00 AM

i know it is hard to be the "bad guy" but sometimes a person needs someone to just give it to them straight , but coming from a place of love. They may hate you at first but how will they know what to change if no one is ever brave enough to point out their flaws.


Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you....  I'm not sure if he'll take it the right way but deep down I think I do need to be honest with him even if he doesn't want to hear it


Quoting Anonymous:

I know it seems really harsh and i know you dont want to be an insensitive bitch but maybe he needs to hear the reality of the situation. Maybe he needs to hear from you, someone that loves and cares about him and knows him very well, that he created this disaster and that if he really cared that much he should have worked a little harder to keep her.

Sometimes though honesty is harsh it is the most beneficial thing you can do for a person that you love. Who knows maybe he will realize you were right and that he F-ed his own lfe up and he can try and make it better with his past gf or he will think about what you said to him and use it in a future relationship.





Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)