Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My daughter blames herself and I don't know how to comfort her!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies

My husband has been cheating on me for almost 2 years now. My daughter (14) was the one who put the puzzle pieces together. If she hadn't come and told me, I probably would have never known. 

I really hate the fact that I'm such an idiot, and my CHILD had to tell me to open my eyes. I hate myself right now.

Last night my daughter came up to me crying and said "Mom, maybe Dad wouldn't have done this if I made better grades. Or if I was skinnier. Or if I listened to you more. Why did he do this to us?" 

I've tried explaining to her that me betrayed ME, and not her and that none of this is her fault.

But she says "We're a family. And if that meant anything to him, he would have been a proper man and gotten a divorce before screwing that bitch! He doesn't care about me or you! If he did, he wouldn't have hurt us like this!" 

I normally don't allow cursing, but she is hurting right now and I don't know what to do anymore. I've already gotten a lawyer, but i don't want to confront my husband yet..

My poor baby has been losing sleep. She's been having nightmares where she wakes up in a cold sweat, screaming. She hasn't been eating. She's just not the same bright little girl she used to be.

When she looks at her father, it's as if she's looking at a serial rapist. She hates him.

When he hugs her or kisses her cheek, she pushes him off of her as if he's filthy.

I still love him very much, but I can't believe he would do this to us. I can't believe he would betray me like this. I gave him the best 17 years of my life and he basically threw me into the street like garbage.

Please help me?

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:04 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:08 PM

I imagine this is a very tough situation for her....but her behavior seems a bit extreme. Is there more to the stor than just that? Was she a daddy's girl that is hurting from the betrayal not just as a daughter..but as a woman? Not trying to cross any lines, but I've known many girls in their teens who went through similair situations and did not react that, what's the word.....internally?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:10 PM

She was a total daddy's girl before this happened. She feels like her dad doesn't care about her at all anymore because he has been spending less and less time with her.

She has basically lost all respect for him. 

I think she is taking it more personally than most kids would because SHE was the one that found out what was going on.


Quoting Anonymous:

I imagine this is a very tough situation for her....but her behavior seems a bit extreme. Is there more to the stor than just that? Was she a daddy's girl that is hurting from the betrayal not just as a daughter..but as a woman? Not trying to cross any lines, but I've known many girls in their teens who went through similair situations and did not react that, what's the word.....internally?



Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:11 PM
3 moms liked this

You have to show her how to be strong. Get a divorce, don't prolong this. You're only hurting your kid more.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:12 PM
4 moms liked this
He did betray you both. I wouldn't tell her otherwise. If his family was the most important thing to him he wouldn't have done anything to destroy it. Even though he betrayed his family,it isn't her fault at all. Its his for not being a better man. You can't make her feel better. She sees her dad for who he is and is understandably hurt. You can just let her know her feelings are justified and you wish you could make it all go away but you can't. Its up to him to repair his relationship with her. Just don't badmouth him.

Clearly, I've been her.
eblstanford03
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:13 PM

I am so sorry y'all are going through this. Men who cheat aren't real men but are very much douche bags.

I would get counseling for both of you, especially if it is affecting her like that.

mommy2zbg
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:13 PM

 Just explain to her that none of this was her fault and that you must have been the one doing something wrong for him to have wanted someone else,,, of course that might not necessarily be the case but maybe it will help ease her mind of thinking it was her fault.

Wicked.Jester
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:16 PM

I feel badly for your daughter.  For your husband?  Fuck him, she is RIGHT about him choosing pussy over his family and he deserves her wrath, because he did betray her too.

Her anger is healthy, but maybe she should talk to someone about not turning it inwards and blaming herself and putting it where it squarely belongs, on her dirtbag father.

casseopeia
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:16 PM

You need to have a family meeting RIGHT NOW.  It would also be good if you could do it in the presence of a neutral party mediator.  Do you regularly go to church?  That would be a good place to start.  You can also call social services and find a mediator.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:16 PM

Okay, then I can see why she would see this as almost a personal attack against her. I'm sorry she's going through this, it gotta be hell to be going through this yourself, but then to have to see your child in pain is the worst. :( 

TO try to be positive use this as a learning lesson for life. Show her that it's not her fault or yours, that sometimes people in life will hurt you, and the best thing you can do is hold your head up high and push forward and leave those people to stew in their own bad decisions. 


Quoting Anonymous:

She was a total daddy's girl before this happened. She feels like her dad doesn't care about her at all anymore because he has been spending less and less time with her.

She has basically lost all respect for him. 

I think she is taking it more personally than most kids would because SHE was the one that found out what was going on.


Quoting Anonymous:

I imagine this is a very tough situation for her....but her behavior seems a bit extreme. Is there more to the stor than just that? Was she a daddy's girl that is hurting from the betrayal not just as a daughter..but as a woman? Not trying to cross any lines, but I've known many girls in their teens who went through similair situations and did not react that, what's the word.....internally?





Jessy76
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:26 PM

Sounds like it's time to sit your DH down and explain to him that the cat is out of the bag and what his actions have done to your child. You shouldn't be the one who carries all the weight in this situation. Hold him accountable for his actions. Your DD is right his cheating is a betrayal to the entire family not just you.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)