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How do you ask your three year old if he's been molested? :(

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:05 PM
  • 30 Replies

I was considering going Anon for this one, but I didn't want to get the "troll" responses. So I'm just going to go for it.

Backstory:
My younger sister is 13 and she has Down's Syndrome. I love her with my whole heart. We (my husband, myself and our two children) were over there about a month ago (possibly a little more) and my son (3) was "missing." DH found him in the bathroom with my sister as soon as I noticed he was gone. One thing. He had his pants half off with his penis out and he wasn't using the potty. The way I understood it was (as I was in a complete other room and didn't witness anything) my husband opened the door as soon as pants came down and nothing happened.

Fastforward to last week:
My stepmother (My sister's mom. She's my half-sister) went into surgery on her kidneys, so my Older sister picked up my younger sister.

Let me go ahead and "name" people so this will be easier to follow. My sister "HD" has Down's syndrome. She is 13. My older sister "CR" does not have Down's.

Okay, so CR picked up HD from my dad's so her mom could go into surgery. She also picked up our brother "CP." I was to take either HD or CP for a few days, and then we'd switch. CP was due at my house after supper. As we were finishing up, HD comes inside instead trailed closely by CR. CR pulls me aside and informed me that something came up and she needed to talk to me about it in private, which is why HD came over instead of CP.

The story I was told was this: CR went upstairs to get her son EA (6yrs my nephew) and my sister HD for supper. She walked in and her son was half naked (his pants were to his knees) and our sister HD's  face was near his groin. They were both punished and talked to, but she really didn't know what to do so she brought HD to my house so she could situate things over there. I'm not really sure what that meant, but I'm assuming she needed time to process what she saw?

CR called my father and informed him. I, of course, let my husband know. HD stayed at my house that evening and went home the next day. After she left, my husband and I started talking more in-depth about it, and I mentioned the situation that happened with my son JD and how I was thankful nothing happened because he (dh) was there and caught it in time. He said "we don't know that." I asked what he meant and he clarified it for me. Apparently I was mistaken, or interpereted the story incorrectly. I don't know. But Dh says it went like this:

I started looking for DS thinking he went outside really quickly because he was just beside me not too long before. The house was crowded with extended family, so it would be easy for him to get lost in people's legs. Well DH found him in the bathroom with HD, like I previously mentioned, and his penis was exposed. However, he did not find them immediately. Apparently the door was locked and remained locked for a solid minute until my stepmother was able to open the door. That's when they saw my son and sister.

So nobody knows if my sister, HD, molested my son. I just found this information out and I don't know how to even approach my child about it to ask him. I don't even know if he'll remember if anything did happen.

Regardless, I've already decided I can not risk my children being around my special needs sister, even after they're done looking into things on their end. (My father is contacting the school and has an appt with my sister's therapist. He's trying to see if she and her "boyfriend" weren't supervised enough.) I don't know. I'm lost. Help me?

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MaNdYbEaR2010
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:06 PM

Sorry for the novel. :/


casah4
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:08 PM
1 mom liked this

I would take him to a therapist and let them work their magic to find out. 

MaNdYbEaR2010
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:10 PM

That didn't even cross my mind. Thank you. I'll call his pedi and ask for a referral tomorrow.

Quoting casah4:

I would take him to a therapist and let them work their magic to find out. 




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:10 PM

Explain that anything covered up by a swim suit it private and shouldn't be touched by others.  Ask him if he's ever touched anyone in a private area or anyone touch him.  Tell him he won't get in trouble for telling.

quinnsmom715
by Ruby Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:10 PM

maybe just ask him what him and your sister were doing..was she helping him go potty?did she touch you?where?how?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:11 PM

oh wow. if it were me, my first thought would be to talk to a child psychiatrist (or psychologist, i always confuse the two) and ask them their opinion. maybe have him talk to the therapist? idk mama...thats a shitty situation, i am so sorry.

furbabymum
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:14 PM

 Devastating! I'd get your DS to a counselor and not ask myself. A counselor will know how to ask the right questions. At 3 your DS is likely to just answer in the affirmative or negative based on what you ask. Phrasing is very important in this. So, get thee to a counselor that specializes in this sort of thing.

casah4
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:14 PM
1 mom liked this

 That's what I would do if I were in your situation. Sometimes, when questioning children about anything, a parent can unintentionally lead them to a specific answer, based on what they know, assume, or fear. A good therapist can use play to get the child to open up on their own.

That didn't even cross my mind. Thank you. I'll call his pedi and ask for a referral tomorrow.

Quoting casah4:

I would take him to a therapist and let them work their magic to find out. 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:14 PM
Are you sure your son would even have a clear memory of it now? Have you talked to him about it at all?
I agree with pp about seeing a therapist.
eve210
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:14 PM
Who's boyfriend? I'm not sure what I would do :( I also have a 3 yr old. I'm sorry
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