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I forgave him but I don't know if I should have. Please give me your opinion and experience.

Posted by Anonymous
  • 23 Replies

So my boyfriend and I met a little over a year and a half ago.  When we first met we were both talking to other people, but after about a week we began to date.  A couple of months into the relationship I got nosey and went through his old phone (yes, bad idea) and found naked pics of his exes as well as non-nude pics of them.  I found old messages where he had been talking to about 3-4 girls at the same time and telling them all he loved them when we first met.  And found emails where he continued to speak to the girl he was apparently dating and had pregnant when he left his old state.  He left her under the impression he was only leaving for a visit and would be back soon.

I called him immediately at work and we had it out.  I was furious.  He claimed she had lost the baby and they had stopped contacting one another.  He said he was sorry and said I could delete the pics of the exes.  His argument was that they were just memories.  I told him I found it sleezy to keep them and to talk to so many women at once.  He agreed and we went on with our relationship.

Well, he was acting suspicious the other day so I decided to snoop again.  It's been well over a year and I had truly given him my trust, but the way he was acting was just odd.  I had asked to use his phone and he took a couple minutes to delete stuff before letting me hold it.  I found a pic of a girl in a bikini which had been sent to him.  In his e-mail I found where he had posted a craigslist ad acting as a photographer looking for adult models and asking them to send photos of themselves.  The one girl he had the photo of he had been talking back and forth and told her he had male models and she sent him some pics of herself.  I then found in his photobucket that he had snapped a pic of a girl in a bikini when he supposedly took the kids to the park to play in the water area.  He also had a pic of yet another girl in her underwear.  He had photo's again of his exes and some were of their tits and some weren't.  He had an alternate facebook account, fubar (networking site) and e-mail. 

I woke him up and kicked him out at 4 am.  I was furious and told him I was DONE.

After a few hours of talking and an agreement that he would never do such a thing again I took him back.  Now I can't stop thinking about it. I'm still hurt, untrusting and resentful.  I worry that he may still be contacting other girls.  That every girl who walks by he may be wanting to screw.  I worry all the time about everything.  Is he still using the networking site?  Does he still use the e-mail? The photobucket?  Is he hiding anything else?  When will it happen again?  Has he cheated on me? Etc.

I felt what he did was cheating.  He didn't.  He said the pics of the exes are just for memories and he see''s no issue with having them.  He said th eCraigslist thing was because he was bored and it was to keep himself entertained since he isn't currently working and he has been watching the 3 yr old instead.  He says he gets bored being at home all the time.  I have offerred in the past to hire a babysitter or something and he always says no.  We go out and do things together and I try to get him to go do things alone and he refuses.  What else am I supposed to do? Would you still be worried?  Would you have forgiven him?  Do you see what he did as cheating?

I love him so much it hurts.  He is literally the first man I have ever felt this way for.  I want to be his wife but at the same time I can't feel that trust right now and now I worry that if we do get married something will happen again and we'll be divorced soon after.

I need advice in a BAD way.

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 31, 2013 at 7:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 31, 2013 at 7:58 PM

Sounds like Karma has come to bite you straight in the arse.  BoooYAH

by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 31, 2013 at 7:58 PM

I would of walked away from the beginning when I found out..but that is the past so no since in talking about that.

I could personally not take him back after that. He said he would stop the first time, and then you caught him again, threw him out, and let him he thinks he can walk all over you.

I know it hurts, but it's best to set him free.

by Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 7:59 PM

Be done with it.  Kick him to the curb. 

by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 31, 2013 at 7:59 PM

Chronic philanderer. He'll do it again. You'll fight with him and then kick him out again. Then you'll take him back again. Then you will post about it again. I'm bored just writing this reply.

by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 7:59 PM
Fucking creepy as hell. I would leave and never look back.
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 7:59 PM
1 mom liked this

here's the thing. You have now found these things twice. He knows it bothers you, but he is still doing it. Despite you having a problem with him having these pictures, yet he has excuses why he still has them. His behaviors bother you and he won't do anything about it. It's time to move along. 

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:00 PM
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Are you freaking kidding me that you took him back? Ugh, this is why men these days think it's ok to run around with several women at once, because they know there's always a woman who will believe every lie they tell, and stick by them. As a grown woman you should respect yourself more than staying with a man who is disrespectful to you. You are worth more than that!! There is a man out there that will treat you like a queen and wouldn't even think about doing those things to you. Give yourself enough credit to get rid of this douchebag and even if it takes years, wait for the man who respects you!! 

by Corey on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:03 PM
My bf did the same thing. I would do the same thing I did. Leave him and don't talk to him. If he cares about you he will be back in less than a month. If not he's not worth it! Our relationship is pretty strong now
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:03 PM
Cliche as it is ... "Fool me once, Shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. "

You know the answer here. You gave him his second chance, he blew it.
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:05 PM
I don't think I could, you told him how you felt the first time and he consciously went and did it again, knowing how it upset you the first time. He totally disrespected you, Again. He sounds immature and it he needs to be stimulated every single second he would be better off alone. First time shame on you, second time shame on me :/
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