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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Read if you want to have Nightmares.

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Imagine, if you dare....


If Cafemom was actually Cafemomabama, it's own state where all of the groups are cities.

Welcome to bitch county, grab a shake and an insult at confessionville. Major tourist attractions include the walk of fame, where all the stars of our favorite drama queens will literally burn your shoes off if you step on them. Visit the Wax Museum and get mocked and yelled at by your favorite MC stars! Or, if you're feeling like having some fun, visit the museum of stupidities, and look at all the amazing pictures and artifacts from our most ridiculous members!

Don't forget to visit the hall of mirrors at the post partum body fair this wednesday! Or, watch your friends get brutally assaulted by a barrage of angry negativity pirhanhas after fishing too deep at the compliment waterhole!




Don't forget to grab a map at the local admin office to direct you to even more exciting destinations in Rustic Cafemomabama.



Your turn! If Cafemom were an actual phsyical place, what would it look like to you?


In case there is any question:

For those of you cm'ers located in Alabama, no, there is not a specific reason I chose 'Bama' as a suffix for morer aptly titled 'cafemomland'. It was the first thing to come to mind. I apologize in advance for any hint of bias towards your fair state that I may have expressed. I have never been there, I'm sure it's lovely.

by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 2:19 AM
Replies (21-30):
rfhsure
by beast mode on Aug. 6, 2013 at 2:58 AM

you forgot the massive mob of protesters on either corner arguing why the residents should choose their side!

Quoting BestestMom11:

Cafemomabama would have fast food chains that specialized in to-go Hamburger Helper meals, fried Oreos, and Fat Tuesday "drinks".

While on the opposite corner, chains that sold all fruit & veggie smoothies, and carrot stick & broccoli baskets. Of course, the fruits and veggies would be non-gmo, organic, and a product of the USA.


BestestMom11
by Gold Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 3:03 AM
Amen to that!


Quoting rfhsure:

you forgot the massive mob of protesters on either corner arguing why the residents should choose their side!

Quoting BestestMom11:

Cafemomabama would have fast food chains that specialized in to-go Hamburger Helper meals, fried Oreos, and Fat Tuesday "drinks".



While on the opposite corner, chains that sold all fruit & veggie smoothies, and carrot stick & broccoli baskets. Of course, the fruits and veggies would be non-gmo, organic, and a product of the USA.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 6, 2013 at 3:19 AM
2 moms liked this
A hen house..with a bunch of hens clucking and pecking at one another. Seriously..picture a bunch of chickens all hanging out in little cliques talking shit about the other little chicken cliques. Like "bok bok..omg did you see how dirty her mirror was in that picture she posted, bok? Let's go peck at her till she cries bok bok. And if that doesn't work..we can just call her dumb and correct her spelling and grammar, bok!" But then you've got captain save a chicken all like.."Bok bok..stop it you chicken birches! Your mirror looks fine OP..bok bok..don't listen to the haters bok." But then the mean chickens are like.."oh bok no! Let's peck at captain save a chicken! She posted two years ago in this group about how she ate a GMO once and LIKED it, bok bok!" Thousands of episodes like this..everywhere. Just so much noise it doesn't even make sense anymore.
rfhsure
by beast mode on Aug. 6, 2013 at 3:26 AM

HAHAHAHA

one of the best so far. That's a stunning visual.

Quoting Anonymous:

A hen house..with a bunch of hens clucking and pecking at one another. Seriously..picture a bunch of chickens all hanging out in little cliques talking shit about the other little chicken cliques. Like "bok bok..omg did you see how dirty her mirror was in that picture she posted, bok? Let's go peck at her till she cries bok bok. And if that doesn't work..we can just call her dumb and correct her spelling and grammar, bok!" But then you've got captain save a chicken all like.."Bok bok..stop it you chicken birches! Your mirror looks fine OP..bok bok..don't listen to the haters bok." But then the mean chickens are like.."oh bok no! Let's peck at captain save a chicken! She posted two years ago in this group about how she ate a GMO once and LIKED it, bok bok!" Thousands of episodes like this..everywhere. Just so much noise it doesn't even make sense anymore.


GamerM0M
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 3:31 AM

The part in red ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

Quoting Sanctimommy:

 My rank is only sufficiently high enough to offer you SweetPeas and/or food porn.

skiing

Because I am lazy, I have selected a skiing SweetPea and a picture of key lime pie.

Disclamer: Please do not lick the SweetPea. SweetPea under pressure. Do not shake SweetPea. If SweetPea begins to itch, please discontinue use and consult a physician. SweetPea is not a lawyer. Avoid prolonged contact with SweetPea. Do not make eye contact with SweetPea. If blistering develops, apply ice immediately and call your mother. Key lime pie contains pixels which are known carcinogens. Do not inhale key lime pie as this could prove fatal. If you or someone you love has kissed the key lime pie, please get tested.

Quoting rfhsure:

Do I get an A for effort? I was really excitedly anticipating a far more impressive display of creativity from other cafemommers who could truly capture the essence of what they think it would be. Perhaps I should rethink such an offputting title.

And thank you, for the compliment regarding my hair. I hope it isn't too trashy or tacky, perhaps I will post a picture of it to make sure that I'm getting the proper amount of validation aside from this one one, measly compliment. This is Cafemom, I would like a bucketfull of validation and a confetti reception, please.

Seriously though, thank you. that is quite nice.

Quoting Sanctimommy:

Your metaphors might be all mixed the fuck up, but I like your hair.

Despite (or perhaps because of) my night time cold medicine, I found this post to be fucking hilarious.





GamerM0M
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 3:32 AM

I was going to try, but I can't top the hen house. ROFL

rfhsure
by beast mode on Aug. 6, 2013 at 3:34 AM

fuck! I was so excited!

Quoting GamerM0M:

I was going to try, but I can't top the hen house. ROFL


GamerM0M
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 3:40 AM

LOL I can still try.

Let me think a minute. xD

Quoting rfhsure:

fuck! I was so excited!

Quoting GamerM0M:

I was going to try, but I can't top the hen house. ROFL




GamerM0M
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 3:48 AM

Welcome to the Cafemomland Kidde Park, where moms take their children for playdates. In the midst of these playdates, one group would be openly breastfeeding their children, uncovered, and uncaring about the rest of the park.  The group next to them would be FF, and bitching and moaning about how the BFing moms need to cover up.  As they are complaining about them, imagine if you will the next group of women walking into the park.  That unruly crowd with the most ill behaved children. They are screaming and yelling 'behave!' 'stop that or you'll go in time out' 'i'm gonna whoop your ass!'.  As all the kiddos run off to play.

The next group is the helicopter mom group, following the kids to the playground, and hovering over their children, making sure they dont do anything that they could even get a bruise from.  They brought coloring books! lets just sit at the bottom of the slide and color!

The final group, is the moms who just dont care. These are the moms that bring their kids to the park, dump them off and leave, going home to do laundry or whatever it is they do alone.  They come back at the end of the scheduled playdate time, to pick up their kids.


**disclaimer** I have absolutely nothing against any of these types of women, I'm just having fun visualizing what it would look like to get us all together in one single place, in our respective cliques. lol

rfhsure
by beast mode on Aug. 6, 2013 at 3:56 AM
1 mom liked this

and the whispering moms, whos kids arer at their grandparents for the weekend, so they just came to the park to talk shit about the other ones but made sure theirs aren't there to make them look bad.

Quoting GamerM0M:

Welcome to the Cafemomland Kidde Park, where moms take their children for playdates. In the midst of these playdates, one group would be openly breastfeeding their children, uncovered, and uncaring about the rest of the park.  The group next to them would be FF, and bitching and moaning about how the BFing moms need to cover up.  As they are complaining about them, imagine if you will the next group of women walking into the park.  That unruly crowd with the most ill behaved children. They are screaming and yelling 'behave!' 'stop that or you'll go in time out' 'i'm gonna whoop your ass!'.  As all the kiddos run off to play.

The next group is the helicopter mom group, following the kids to the playground, and hovering over their children, making sure they dont do anything that they could even get a bruise from.  They brought coloring books! lets just sit at the bottom of the slide and color!

The final group, is the moms who just dont care. These are the moms that bring their kids to the park, dump them off and leave, going home to do laundry or whatever it is they do alone.  They come back at the end of the scheduled playdate time, to pick up their kids.


**disclaimer** I have absolutely nothing against any of these types of women, I'm just having fun visualizing what it would look like to get us all together in one single place, in our respective cliques. lol


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