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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Should I leave him?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I've known him since I was 13. We were very good friends all througj high school and the first time I got drunk at a party after we graduated, I confessed to him my undying love. Lol we were inseparable. Old couples would tell us in public that we were going to make it, that they could tell by how we looked at each other. There were stars in our eyes. So in love. Things were flawless until I went to bash training. (3 years ago) and he has been slowly withdrawing ever since. We have been married only three months and have sex maybe once a month because he's always too tired. He makes times for his friends but we have only been on two dates since our DD has been here. (She's over ten months old now). He never tells me I'm pretty, he complains about everything I do, and hasn't done anything for valentines day or anniversaries in years. We had been on three breaks previous to DD because I feel like he takes me for granted. We planned to elope 3 months prior to actually going through with it, and he proposed the day before we left to get married while I was changing DDs diaper. He puts no effort or thought into our relationship. Any time I try to talk to him, he acts like I'm a crazy annoying bitch and shuts down. He's the love of my life, but I have done nothing but slowly wither away the past three years.

I don't want my daughter growing up thinking that its okay to beg for a mans scraps of attention.

He's an incredible father, but I feel like he doesn't even notice me.

What would you do?


ETA: I'm in the military and spent this past weekend on a funeral detail putting a close battle buddy in the ground. I had to guard his casket, standing in between my battles dead body, and his grieving mother. I had to pull the flag over his coffin, and pull the dog tags off the feet to hand to his parents after ushering him down the aisle of the church. It was one of the most devastating events of my life. DH did not call, and still has not asked about this past weekend or if I'm okay. I needed him.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 6, 2013 at 3:56 AM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:05 AM
Yeah, you're right. I was just trying to see if anyone on here has been there and had good results. I just don't want my daughter growing up seeing her daddy treat her mommy like she doesn't matter. Ill be damned if a man treats her like that.


Quoting chickieboom:

Sounds like you learned the hard way, that getting married (much like having a child) does not magically solve problems. If anything, it magnifies them.

Go to counseling by yourself. Do it for you and your child. Once you have the tools you need you can make your own choices about what to do. Don't ask an internet chat room full of strangers to make your choices for you.




Quoting Anonymous:

He won't go. I asked before we even got married and e refused. I thought if I married him, it would make him realize how in love with him and he would change.





It has only gotten worse.






Quoting chickieboom:

Counseling. If he won't go, go by yourself. It sounds like you need someone who can help you work through your feelings so that you can decide where to go from here.


RadnRem
by Gold Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:05 AM
Um.....did you really just say that you married him hoping he would change?

Pretty sure that's not how it works.

Go to counselling alone if he won't go with you.
SOCS07
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:06 AM
1 mom liked this

DARLIN .... I WOULD DUMP HIS GROUCHY, FLIPPIN ASS LIKE A FIRE HOT POTATO ASAP, AND LAUGH AS UR WALKING AWAY. Men like that make me wanna vomit :/ JMO

typingDevoted Friend and Keeping God 1st in my life, all things just seem to follow in line, "path"


             Christina Stange

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:07 AM
I can't really say on cm but there is no way for me to save mine. Divorce is hard. You just need to decide if you would be happier without him.

Are you sure.there isn't some other reason for his distance. Work, depression,.etc?


Quoting Anonymous:If you don't mind me asking, what happened?

I've done all I can but he won't work on it with me :(


Quoting Anonymous:Im at the end if my marriage and it's not a move place.to be. Your need to do everything you can to save yours. The financial, custody, visitation, it all sucks.

Peaceful.chaos
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:07 AM
What's bash training? Have you ever heard of a marriage retreat? You should look into it. Many couples I know swear by them.
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LisaSmock
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:07 AM

if you have to ask "should I...." then yes

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:07 AM
See that's what I'm afraid of. Because I've been on three breaks with him already for the same exact problem. And I absolutely adore him. I don't want anyone else. But the problem is that he makes me not like myself because I love him so much and he doesn't return it.

And he refuses counseling. But you're the second one to tell me to go. Did you go? If so, did it help?


Quoting PoplarGrove:

I'd insist on marriage counselling before you decide to throw in the towel.  If he won't go then go to counselling by yourself.  You need to learn who you are before you'll have the strength to do what you need to do.

If he still refuses to treat you like a person he loves and respects then I would leave.  Don't do what I did and stay because he's a great dad.  4 kids and 10 years later I'm finally free and realize I'm worth a lot more than I ever felt I was when I was with him. 


bonitalilmama
by Silver Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:08 AM
Tellbhim you need attention and miss the old days. If he doesn't consent to making you feel at ease try counseling, if that doesn't help ask him does he want to still be with you. Sounds like he had gotten comfortable which a lot of people do and thats how you ruin a relationship . We you bring that to his attention maybe he will realize he changed hopefully. If that doesn't work bring up a possible divorce and see will he realize your serious and take it from there
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:08 AM
:(


Quoting LisaSmock:

if you have to ask "should I...." then yes


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:09 AM
Basic training. Sorry I'm mobile lol

Yeah he won't even get a sitter so we can go to dinner because he's "too tired".


Quoting Peaceful.chaos:

What's bash training? Have you ever heard of a marriage retreat? You should look into it. Many couples I know swear by them.

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