Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I leave him?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I've known him since I was 13. We were very good friends all througj high school and the first time I got drunk at a party after we graduated, I confessed to him my undying love. Lol we were inseparable. Old couples would tell us in public that we were going to make it, that they could tell by how we looked at each other. There were stars in our eyes. So in love. Things were flawless until I went to bash training. (3 years ago) and he has been slowly withdrawing ever since. We have been married only three months and have sex maybe once a month because he's always too tired. He makes times for his friends but we have only been on two dates since our DD has been here. (She's over ten months old now). He never tells me I'm pretty, he complains about everything I do, and hasn't done anything for valentines day or anniversaries in years. We had been on three breaks previous to DD because I feel like he takes me for granted. We planned to elope 3 months prior to actually going through with it, and he proposed the day before we left to get married while I was changing DDs diaper. He puts no effort or thought into our relationship. Any time I try to talk to him, he acts like I'm a crazy annoying bitch and shuts down. He's the love of my life, but I have done nothing but slowly wither away the past three years.

I don't want my daughter growing up thinking that its okay to beg for a mans scraps of attention.

He's an incredible father, but I feel like he doesn't even notice me.

What would you do?


ETA: I'm in the military and spent this past weekend on a funeral detail putting a close battle buddy in the ground. I had to guard his casket, standing in between my battles dead body, and his grieving mother. I had to pull the flag over his coffin, and pull the dog tags off the feet to hand to his parents after ushering him down the aisle of the church. It was one of the most devastating events of my life. DH did not call, and still has not asked about this past weekend or if I'm okay. I needed him.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 6, 2013 at 3:56 AM
Replies (121-128):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 6, 2013 at 8:55 PM
Sorry. Didn't read through all the replies. When you have kids together than you need to earn your way out if the marriage. I have been in your shoes. There was no abuse, no cheating and no alcohol or drug abuse. I just felt unappreciated and taken for granted. Know what I did? I worked on me. I changed my perspective. I started focusing on all the things he did right instead if all the ways I thought he was failing me. We went to counseling. I went by myself first. We both are crazy about our kids and realized that the best thing for them was having an intact family. Our love for them pushed us to reconnect.

Marriage is comprised of 2 people. Take some accountability for your part in your failing marriage. If you work hard and can't make it, at least you'll know that you gave it your best shot.

When we went into counseling, I was ready for a divorce and was honest about that. The counselor said that even if we did divorce the counseling would help us co-parent well. You are stuck with him as the father of your daughter. Figure out a way to make it work.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 9:37 PM
Yeah, he's 22. I doubt he has ED. He always says he's too tired. I believe it's horse shit. Idk what's going on.


Quoting temage:

I just read through the entire thread (earlier I just replied).

I can tell you from my experience, when you're happy, you're a better mother. One person can't make it work.

It sounds suspicious that he will get a babysitter when you're working, but not to go out with you for date nights.

More often than not, men don't go a month without having sex unless they have legit problems such as erectile dysfunction.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 9:39 PM
I've worked my ass off trying to make it work and always own up when I'm not doing something the way I should be. He refuses counseling. I've been fighting this for three years. Idk what else to do. Nothing I do or say motivates him to so better.


Quoting Anonymous:

Sorry. Didn't read through all the replies. When you have kids together than you need to earn your way out if the marriage. I have been in your shoes. There was no abuse, no cheating and no alcohol or drug abuse. I just felt unappreciated and taken for granted. Know what I did? I worked on me. I changed my perspective. I started focusing on all the things he did right instead if all the ways I thought he was failing me. We went to counseling. I went by myself first. We both are crazy about our kids and realized that the best thing for them was having an intact family. Our love for them pushed us to reconnect.



Marriage is comprised of 2 people. Take some accountability for your part in your failing marriage. If you work hard and can't make it, at least you'll know that you gave it your best shot.



When we went into counseling, I was ready for a divorce and was honest about that. The counselor said that even if we did divorce the counseling would help us co-parent well. You are stuck with him as the father of your daughter. Figure out a way to make it work.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 9:42 PM
Also, I magnify every tiny little thing he does right to cover up how crappy he is toward me. I have a problem realizing the way he treats me is wrong, not the other way around


Quoting Anonymous:

Sorry. Didn't read through all the replies. When you have kids together than you need to earn your way out if the marriage. I have been in your shoes. There was no abuse, no cheating and no alcohol or drug abuse. I just felt unappreciated and taken for granted. Know what I did? I worked on me. I changed my perspective. I started focusing on all the things he did right instead if all the ways I thought he was failing me. We went to counseling. I went by myself first. We both are crazy about our kids and realized that the best thing for them was having an intact family. Our love for them pushed us to reconnect.



Marriage is comprised of 2 people. Take some accountability for your part in your failing marriage. If you work hard and can't make it, at least you'll know that you gave it your best shot.



When we went into counseling, I was ready for a divorce and was honest about that. The counselor said that even if we did divorce the counseling would help us co-parent well. You are stuck with him as the father of your daughter. Figure out a way to make it work.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 6, 2013 at 9:48 PM
Okay. Shrugs. It is your life. My dad always told us that love was a verb. You consciously choose to love someone and act that way.

Sounds like you have made up your mind and want people to support it.

No one else will be affected except your family so good luck.


Quoting Anonymous:

Also, I magnify every tiny little thing he does right to cover up how crappy he is toward me. I have a problem realizing the way he treats me is wrong, not the other way around




Quoting Anonymous:

Sorry. Didn't read through all the replies. When you have kids together than you need to earn your way out if the marriage. I have been in your shoes. There was no abuse, no cheating and no alcohol or drug abuse. I just felt unappreciated and taken for granted. Know what I did? I worked on me. I changed my perspective. I started focusing on all the things he did right instead if all the ways I thought he was failing me. We went to counseling. I went by myself first. We both are crazy about our kids and realized that the best thing for them was having an intact family. Our love for them pushed us to reconnect.





Marriage is comprised of 2 people. Take some accountability for your part in your failing marriage. If you work hard and can't make it, at least you'll know that you gave it your best shot.





When we went into counseling, I was ready for a divorce and was honest about that. The counselor said that even if we did divorce the counseling would help us co-parent well. You are stuck with him as the father of your daughter. Figure out a way to make it work.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 9:48 PM
Bunp
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 9:50 PM
No, I haven't made my mind up. I want it to work more than anything. He's my first love and I lost my virginity to him. He's the love of my life. But I won't set this example of a woman who is treated as she is incompetence and is almost see through to her husband. I don't want her to think its okay to be treated this way


Quoting Anonymous:

Okay. Shrugs. It is your life. My dad always told us that love was a verb. You consciously choose to love someone and act that way.



Sounds like you have made up your mind and want people to support it.



No one else will be affected except your family so good luck.




Quoting Anonymous:

Also, I magnify every tiny little thing he does right to cover up how crappy he is toward me. I have a problem realizing the way he treats me is wrong, not the other way around






Quoting Anonymous:

Sorry. Didn't read through all the replies. When you have kids together than you need to earn your way out if the marriage. I have been in your shoes. There was no abuse, no cheating and no alcohol or drug abuse. I just felt unappreciated and taken for granted. Know what I did? I worked on me. I changed my perspective. I started focusing on all the things he did right instead if all the ways I thought he was failing me. We went to counseling. I went by myself first. We both are crazy about our kids and realized that the best thing for them was having an intact family. Our love for them pushed us to reconnect.







Marriage is comprised of 2 people. Take some accountability for your part in your failing marriage. If you work hard and can't make it, at least you'll know that you gave it your best shot.







When we went into counseling, I was ready for a divorce and was honest about that. The counselor said that even if we did divorce the counseling would help us co-parent well. You are stuck with him as the father of your daughter. Figure out a way to make it work.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 11:41 PM
So do you think If went to counseling and sort out my personal issues that it would make me understand what his actions are without taking it as personal? All I want is for us to work.


Quoting Anonymous:

Sorry. Didn't read through all the replies. When you have kids together than you need to earn your way out if the marriage. I have been in your shoes. There was no abuse, no cheating and no alcohol or drug abuse. I just felt unappreciated and taken for granted. Know what I did? I worked on me. I changed my perspective. I started focusing on all the things he did right instead if all the ways I thought he was failing me. We went to counseling. I went by myself first. We both are crazy about our kids and realized that the best thing for them was having an intact family. Our love for them pushed us to reconnect.



Marriage is comprised of 2 people. Take some accountability for your part in your failing marriage. If you work hard and can't make it, at least you'll know that you gave it your best shot.



When we went into counseling, I was ready for a divorce and was honest about that. The counselor said that even if we did divorce the counseling would help us co-parent well. You are stuck with him as the father of your daughter. Figure out a way to make it work.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured