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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Should I leave him?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I've known him since I was 13. We were very good friends all througj high school and the first time I got drunk at a party after we graduated, I confessed to him my undying love. Lol we were inseparable. Old couples would tell us in public that we were going to make it, that they could tell by how we looked at each other. There were stars in our eyes. So in love. Things were flawless until I went to bash training. (3 years ago) and he has been slowly withdrawing ever since. We have been married only three months and have sex maybe once a month because he's always too tired. He makes times for his friends but we have only been on two dates since our DD has been here. (She's over ten months old now). He never tells me I'm pretty, he complains about everything I do, and hasn't done anything for valentines day or anniversaries in years. We had been on three breaks previous to DD because I feel like he takes me for granted. We planned to elope 3 months prior to actually going through with it, and he proposed the day before we left to get married while I was changing DDs diaper. He puts no effort or thought into our relationship. Any time I try to talk to him, he acts like I'm a crazy annoying bitch and shuts down. He's the love of my life, but I have done nothing but slowly wither away the past three years.

I don't want my daughter growing up thinking that its okay to beg for a mans scraps of attention.

He's an incredible father, but I feel like he doesn't even notice me.

What would you do?


ETA: I'm in the military and spent this past weekend on a funeral detail putting a close battle buddy in the ground. I had to guard his casket, standing in between my battles dead body, and his grieving mother. I had to pull the flag over his coffin, and pull the dog tags off the feet to hand to his parents after ushering him down the aisle of the church. It was one of the most devastating events of my life. DH did not call, and still has not asked about this past weekend or if I'm okay. I needed him.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 6, 2013 at 3:56 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:16 AM
That's what I was afraid of.


Quoting bonitalilmama:

If he doesn't care to make it better for both of you, you need to get attention somewhere else's, so divorce, serve the papers




Quoting Anonymous:

I have tried all but counseling and threatening with divorce. He refuses counseling :(






Quoting bonitalilmama:

Tellbhim you need attention and miss the old days. If he doesn't consent to making you feel at ease try counseling, if that doesn't help ask him does he want to still be with you. Sounds like he had gotten comfortable which a lot of people do and thats how you ruin a relationship . We you bring that to his attention maybe he will realize he changed hopefully. If that doesn't work bring up a possible divorce and see will he realize your serious and take it from there



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:17 AM
Girl, I can't tell you how many times. We've been on three breaks because of it. He just doesn't change.


Quoting DannieLou:

Have you told him you miss him? Have you talked about your feelings at all?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:17 AM
What? No cafe mom poll? Clearly your relationship deserves a poll!
DannieLou
by Mockingjay on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:21 AM
Personally, if he had no response to that or impending divorce, I'd have to go. You can't force change on someone. But, that's JMO.

Quoting Anonymous:

Girl, I can't tell you how many times. We've been on three breaks because of it. He just doesn't change.




Quoting DannieLou:

Have you told him you miss him? Have you talked about your feelings at all?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:23 AM
He does work his ass off. But so do I. And he is like hitting a brick wall. He has been like this for the past 3 out of 4 and a half years of our relationship. I just don't think he's in love with me. I think he likes the idea of me. But I'm convinced he wants a maid and a servant, not a wife.


Quoting Anonymous:

I'm on my phone and it keeps changing what I type.




Quoting Anonymous:

I can't really say on cm but there is no way for me to save mine. Divorce is hard. You just need to decide if you would be happier without him.





Are you sure.there isn't some other reason for his distance. Work, depression,.etc?








Quoting Anonymous:If you don't mind me asking, what happened?





I've done all I can but he won't work on it with me :(








Quoting Anonymous:Im at the end if my marriage and it's not a move place.to be. Your need to do everything you can to save yours. The financial, custody, visitation, it all sucks.







Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:23 AM
So you don't think I'm overreacting?


Quoting DannieLou:

Personally, if he had no response to that or impending divorce, I'd have to go. You can't force change on someone. But, that's JMO.



Quoting Anonymous:

Girl, I can't tell you how many times. We've been on three breaks because of it. He just doesn't change.






Quoting DannieLou:

Have you told him you miss him? Have you talked about your feelings at all?


chickieboom
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:24 AM
1 mom liked this
Talk to a counselor. I don't know all the ins and outs of your relationship but they'll give you some tools to express to your husband how you feel and explain what you want. If you want to salvage your marriage that's where you'll need to start. Then you'll have to see how he responds. If he chooses not to make any changes, along with you making changes, then I would say it's over.
My ex and I probably could have sorted things out if we had made more of an effort but I was so far past hurt that I was resentful. I quit caring. I absolutely love my 2nd husband and want to be with him forever but I know that my 1st marriage would have been better if I hadn't let it get to the point of hating him.
You do have a daughter together so I think it's worth it to at least talk to someone who can help you figure out how you feel, not tell you how feel or what you should do.


Quoting Anonymous:

What would you do?




Quoting chickieboom:

I've been there. We lost our baby but that's what lead to me finding out who he really was. Only you can make this choice, you just want to do it with every tool and advantage that you can. You can even work through how to handle this with your daughter and your concerns for her.





Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, you're right. I was just trying to see if anyone on here has been there and had good results. I just don't want my daughter growing up seeing her daddy treat her mommy like she doesn't matter. Ill be damned if a man treats her like that.








Quoting chickieboom:

Sounds like you learned the hard way, that getting married (much like having a child) does not magically solve problems. If anything, it magnifies them.




Go to counseling by yourself. Do it for you and your child. Once you have the tools you need you can make your own choices about what to do. Don't ask an internet chat room full of strangers to make your choices for you.










Quoting Anonymous:

He won't go. I asked before we even got married and e refused. I thought if I married him, it would make him realize how in love with him and he would change.











It has only gotten worse.












Quoting chickieboom:

Counseling. If he won't go, go by yourself. It sounds like you need someone who can help you work through your feelings so that you can decide where to go from here.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:24 AM
Great idea! Ill get on my computer to do one! Lol thanks girl (:


Quoting Anonymous:

What? No cafe mom poll? Clearly your relationship deserves a poll!

Peaceful.chaos
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:25 AM
I hate to say this, but is it possible he was seeing someone else while you were away? His behavior is a little suspect and being a retired veteran this is a common thing in military life. Separations are a sad reality that leads many to stray.


Quoting Anonymous:

Basic training. Sorry I'm mobile lol



Yeah he won't even get a sitter so we can go to dinner because he's "too tired".




Quoting Peaceful.chaos:

What's bash training? Have you ever heard of a marriage retreat? You should look into it. Many couples I know swear by them.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 6, 2013 at 4:28 AM
I just thought he was better than that. I swear in my eyes, that man walks on water.


Quoting Peaceful.chaos:

I hate to say this, but is it possible he was seeing someone else while you were away? His behavior is a little suspect and being a retired veteran this is a common thing in military life. Separations are a sad reality that leads many to stray.




Quoting Anonymous:

Basic training. Sorry I'm mobile lol





Yeah he won't even get a sitter so we can go to dinner because he's "too tired".






Quoting Peaceful.chaos:

What's bash training? Have you ever heard of a marriage retreat? You should look into it. Many couples I know swear by them.



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