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Why do you women think other women can't be friends with married men?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Is it because of insecurities? Or what? If my best guy friend got married I don't think we shouldn't be friends because of that.

Most of you women won't admit you are insecure about your husbands being friends with females and its really sad.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 14, 2013 at 10:35 PM
Replies (41-50):
heidi749
by Canadian on Aug. 15, 2013 at 9:27 AM

SO's oldest & other best friend besides myself, is a female, I have no issues with it , they grew up together. I have male friends as well that are married.. I think as long as you two have trust in each other as a couple it really should not matter if you have friends of the opposite sex...  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Aug. 15, 2013 at 9:27 AM
My husband. And our counselor if we are seeing one at that time.

I don't think issues need to be discussed past us. We talk about it, we deal with it and we move on.

The whole world hears his good side. His bad side is kept between us and he does the same with me.


Quoting BCauseImAwesome:

 But who do you talk to about your husband?




Quoting TableforSeven:


DH and I don't have close friendships with members of the opposite sex (except for each other) out of respect for our marriage.  It has NOTHING to do with being insecure.  We are both 100% secure in our marriage and know that the other will never cheat.  But we feel is is disrespectful of our marriage and each other to become very close with another person of the opposite gender.  Yes, part of the reason is for appearance-sake....if I am never out alone with another man and DH never goes to coffee with another woman, then no one can ever get the wrong impression about us as a couple and our loyalty to each other.  But - mostly - it is because we can, and do, share everything with each other.  If I need a male pov on something....I ask my DH - and vice versa.




 


BCauseImAwesome
by Silver Member on Aug. 15, 2013 at 9:31 AM

 So you never vent out to a friend? Or ask a friend a question because you think its weird but dont know if your crazy? That is so strange to me....


Quoting Anonymous:

My husband. And our counselor if we are seeing one at that time.

I don't think issues need to be discussed past us. We talk about it, we deal with it and we move on.

The whole world hears his good side. His bad side is kept between us and he does the same with me.


Quoting BCauseImAwesome:

 But who do you talk to about your husband?


 


Quoting TableforSeven:


DH and I don't have close friendships with members of the opposite sex (except for each other) out of respect for our marriage.  It has NOTHING to do with being insecure.  We are both 100% secure in our marriage and know that the other will never cheat.  But we feel is is disrespectful of our marriage and each other to become very close with another person of the opposite gender.  Yes, part of the reason is for appearance-sake....if I am never out alone with another man and DH never goes to coffee with another woman, then no one can ever get the wrong impression about us as a couple and our loyalty to each other.  But - mostly - it is because we can, and do, share everything with each other.  If I need a male pov on something....I ask my DH - and vice versa.


 


 



 

smurfbitebug
by on Aug. 15, 2013 at 9:32 AM
Yup, that's how I feel about it.
I get where these ladies are coming from to a certain extent. Mainly because respect must be shown to the spouse. The spouse does need to know that this friendship exists, and the friend does need to somewhat be friends with said spouse. Not best buds or anything, by far. They don't need to chat it up on a regular basis or anything. But the friend does need to have a comfortable coexistence with the other spouse. Whatever works for them as individuals. Like with me, I would personally be good as long as nothing was hidden and she felt comfortable enough to drop by the house whenever or if it was strictly online, she would need to be comfortable enough to come to me of there was a big issue, or if something happens she could send me a quick message saying congrats for this or my condolences for that.. kwim?
A comfortable distance, I would say. She would be friends with my husband but respectful to me.


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes.




Quoting smurfbitebug:

Are you talking about the chick that was giving actual good advice to that married dude?


I think she makes a great friend. Not only to him, because she tells him what he needs to hear rather than what he wants to hear, but to the family as well.


We would get along just fine. Not if she was hidden from me, I'm sure. That would be pretty bumpy, but not her doing really. But otherwise, that's a valuable friendship, and it should be treated as such.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Aug. 15, 2013 at 9:34 AM
That's the whole problem. You don't see it as crossing a line but it very well may be crossing a line. He is contemplating divorce. Which means he is in a vulnerable place. If things started to go bad with your husband or you weren't getting what you needed lately, that would put you in a vulnerable place. Add in being alone together and viola, a recipe for adultery.

Believe it or not that's how most affairs start.

Even if nothing ever happens, he is confiding in you and by doing that getting his emotional needs met by you. He could very well develop feelings for you just because of that. And think about it. Contemplating divorce or not, would you want your husband getting his emotional needs met by another woman?


Quoting BCauseImAwesome:

 I think thats silly. Whats the point in being friends with someone if you cant confide in them about serious things?? My best friend is contemplating divorce right now and we talk about it whenever he wants to. My  husband knows. We dont see that as crossing a line.




Quoting Kerannmer:


I think it's fine to be friends with a married man. I have lots of married man-friends, and my husband has married-women friends. We also have single friends of the opposite sex. But...it's an issue when said friend starts confiding in you about wanting to leave his wife, he doesn't love her, etc...it's time to remind him of the boundries or back away.




 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Aug. 15, 2013 at 9:34 AM
I agree

Quoting Anonymous:

I think it's a slippery slope. 

OneAllergicMama
by Platinum Member on Aug. 15, 2013 at 9:34 AM

I trust my husband completely - he has never shown me a reason to do so otherwise.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Aug. 15, 2013 at 9:36 AM
And this is why. Women typically do not like their men to turn to the women for advice in their relationship. Period.

Quoting Anonymous:

I see that side. But I've had my male friend come to me for advice about his girlfriend because he didn't know what to do. I simply told him you can either choose to work things out and overlook the negative or you can choose to leave. Personally I would rather my so to talk to a female friend then some random female.




Quoting Kerannmer:

I think it's fine to be friends with a married man. I have lots of married man-friends, and my husband has married-women friends. We also have single friends of the opposite sex. But...it's an issue when said friend starts confiding in you about wanting to leave his wife, he doesn't love her, etc...it's time to remind him of the boundries or back away.


20somethin4ever
by on Aug. 15, 2013 at 9:36 AM

Let me break this down...there is a difference in having a best friend, or a good friend of the opposite sex that you were friends with for years BEFORE you and your SO got together, and you becoming friends with a member of the opposite sex WHILE you are married or in a relationship. I have a best friend who is a guy and happens to be straight, but my DF knew about him from the get go. My theory is that if you have friends of the opposite sex and you get into a relationship, you need to introduce them to each other ASAP. My DF is now VERY good friends with my best guy friend. Someone popping up out of the blue that has never been talked about before is a red flag.

Elle.tea.22
by Ruby Member on Aug. 15, 2013 at 9:37 AM
Lol

Quoting Anonymous:

Because he has ME to confide in. Once u open ur heart to the opposite sex and it isn't u spouse, trouble can find its way in. I'm the only women he confides in, laughs with, thinks about, calls. Me and only me. If he did that with someone else yes, he could be swayed to have a relationship with her, emotionally or physically. A risk I wont LET him take . I have no guy friends and he has no women friends. Period, the end, that's all!
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