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Dad Tells Daughter He Wants Her to Have Great Sex!?

Posted by on Aug. 15, 2013 at 10:08 AM
  • 111 Replies
2 moms liked this

Dad Tells Daughter He Wants Her to Have Great Sex in Open Letter

by Michele Zipp 

letterOver the years, my boyfriends have feared my dad. He's a Vietnam vet -- combat wounded -- and rides a Harley. Even with a squirrel tattooed on his bicep, there is plenty to fear, mostly because of the size of said bicep. My dad and I have talked about some of those old boyfriends and who he liked and didn't like, but never once did we talk about sex. Oh gosh no. Burn my eardrums! Granted I'm a woman of a certain age and realize that perhaps the newest generation of parents of kids who are of the having sex age have a different set of "rules" when it comes to that kind of thing. Enter Ferrett Steinmetz, dad and blogger.

Anyone with the name Ferrett has to be cool, but I am a fan of unusual names so I'm partial. But Ferrett really is cool -- he is daring to say something that's profound to some and totally amazing to me. He wrote an open letter to his daughter in a blog post titled: "Dear Daughter: I Hope You Have Some F*c&ing Awesome Sex."

Now I cannot imagine my own father even writing such a thing 457 years ago when I was starting out on my sexual crusades, but I can imagine myself writing this same kind of letter to my kids when they get older. I know it's different though because I'm a mom and Ferrett's a dad and there's just something intrinsically different when it comes to dads talking to their daughters about sex. It has an ick factor that I need to stop icking about because I'd like to think I'm current and with it and I certainly don't want to create any unnecessary hang-ups for my kids. I've also written a sex book. I hope my kids would want to read it someday. But that may be a whole other ick factor ... for them. 

Ferrett's open letter, however, is the antithesis of the notion that SEX IS BAD! It will kill you and boys will use you. Instead, he's essentially saying, Go on, girl. Find love. Feel love. Enjoy love. His words:

Look, I love sex. It’s fun. And because I love my daughter, I want her to have all of the same delights in life that I do, and hopefully more. I don’t want to hear about the fine details because, heck, I don’t want those visuals any more than my daughter wants mine. But in the abstract, darling, go out and play.  Because consensual sex isn’t something that men take from you; it’s something you give. It doesn’t lessen you to give someone else pleasure. It doesn’t degrade you to have some of your own.

See? Ferrett is so cool! I love my mom, but when she found out I was having sex 457 years ago, she told me I was just another notch in his belt. It made me feel like crap and that sex was a very bad thing that I shouldn't be doing. She may have been right in some ways (I haven't always had the best taste in men), but it also made me think that sex was just for his pleasure and clearly not my own. Granted that's a whole other issue many of us women have, and perhaps our hang-ups originate from these kind of notions. (*Scratches head*) Maybe that's why women don't hit their sexual peak until we're in our 30s (or 40s) because it takes us that long to get over all the nonsense our heads were filled with about how SEX IS BAD! Nice girls don't have sex. Nice girls certainly don't enjoy sex. These are lies. Lies. Lies. Lies I do not want to perpetuate to my own daughter.

Maybe Ferrett is exactly the kind of dad we need to have a new kind of sexual revolution. The way our parents are to us when we were younger, and the way we are to our own children as they grow up, shapes everything in their lives. This includes their sex lives. We want them to grow up with healthy thoughts about sex. Because sex is a part of life -- it gives us life in more ways than the obvious. He writes:

But I won’t tell you sex is bad, or that you’re bad for wanting it, or that other people are bad from wanting it from you if you’re willing to give it. I refuse to perpetuate, even through the plausible deniability of humor, the idea that the people my daughter is attracted to are my enemy. I’m not the guard who locks you in the tower. Ideally, I am my daughter’s safe space, a garden to return to when the world has proved a little too cruel, a place where she can recuperate and reflect upon past mistakes and know that here, there is someone who loves her wholeheartedly and will hug her until the tears dry. 

This is exactly what our kids need to know. Ferrett ends the letter wishing his daughter: "A bold life filled with big mistakes and bigger triumphs. Now get out there and find all the things you fucking love, and vice versa." Those are words to live by. For all of us -- old, young, father, son, mother, and daughter.

What do you think of Ferrett's letter? How do you talk to your kids about sex?

by on Aug. 15, 2013 at 10:08 AM
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by on Aug. 15, 2013 at 10:12 AM
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by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 15, 2013 at 10:13 AM
I personally find it very refreshing if it is to an adult it's another story when talking about teen girls who's brains are not fully developed to make good choices about relationships and sex and to really deal with the consequences yet
by on Aug. 15, 2013 at 10:14 AM
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I am very open and honest with my kids.  I have expressed very much the same sentiment to my kids WITHOUT crossing the creepy line, which in my opinion is crossed when you tell your kids you hope they have "great sex."

My kids tell me just about everything.  They have talked to me about safety.  I knew when my two older boys lost their virginity and we talk very openly about protection, consequences, and all the rest.

I have 4 teens and no teen pregnancies.

But I would never say to my kids that I wish they would have the worlds most spectacular orgasm.  Too far, too weird, and I am a VERY open minded parent when it comes to sex.  I have even talked to their girlfriends about it.  So if something seems weird to me, its usually pretty damn weird.

by Emerald Member on Aug. 15, 2013 at 10:16 AM
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My dad asks me about my sex life now and then. He just wants to make sure I'm not being an idiot or acting like a hoe. It's a cultural thing I think.
by Gold Member on Aug. 15, 2013 at 10:25 AM

I don't have a problem with it and will probably have similar conversations with my son.

by on Aug. 15, 2013 at 10:29 AM
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Sounds fabulous to me. With an attitude like that, I bet his daughter enjoys a safe and healthy sex life.
by Navy Mom on Aug. 15, 2013 at 10:29 AM
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I salute him! I talk to our older two about anything and everything, and tell them all the time that sex is natural, and when they are mature enough both physically and mentally it will be a normal thing. I've also told them that the first time happens only once, and when they are ready to give away their virginity, it's a precious gift that they will hopefully share with the person they'll spend the rest of their lives with. I grew up in a household where sex was taboo, and never discussed. My mother made it seem like a horrible chore that married women had to put up with if they wanted a family of their own. I don't raise our children like that. The older two know their father and I are still enamored of one another, and that sex between two married people is a natural, normal part of a happy marriage. We are affectionate and playful (like joking around, not raunchy) with each other in front of the kids. I think it's important for kids to see exchanges of affection between parents, even if it's as simple as getting the first hug from Daddy when he comes home.
by Platinum Member on Aug. 15, 2013 at 10:31 AM

Thats cool. I tell my son that all the time.

by Data on Aug. 15, 2013 at 10:38 AM

When my oldest ss came to me about sleeping with his girlfriend I told him to be safe and about the conesquences. I made him a promise I wouldn't get on his case about it and if he needed anything to let me know. Out of all the parents involved he figured I'd be the one most likely to be upset. I told him I don't agree that its a good idea and I laid out why (stds pregnancy etc) and what the rules were for my house. I plan to be the same way with SD and DS and DD. I'll not condone it when they are teenagers and I'll give them legit reasons why but I want them to know that they can come to me and if they are having sex I care first and foremost for their safety and will get them what they need to be sure they are safe.

by Ruby Member on Aug. 15, 2013 at 10:39 AM
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Actually i think with the way so many women are so negative in the sex dept these days, it has to do with what they were told at a young age that sex is bad, taboo, no no, wrong, makes you a slut.

It has effected them mentally and sexually so much, even their partners arent enjoying the intimacy part of their relationship either.
A huge part of a relationship
Anyone who doesnt think so, isnt connected to their SO the way they should be sexually.
And, they expect for the partner to understand this!
Not fair

I think this is a good thing
Moms cant be the only parent talking to the daughter about sex.
Double standards
Better to be up front and honest with the kids and that can come from "both parents".
Moms dont always know best.
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