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He won't let me talk about my dad?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

Okay so my dad died on May 27th and I really miss him. We were very close. I signed off for life support to be discontinued after hospital--acquired infections. Well SO was there with me when he died, encouraging me to talk to him etc. Anyways lately everytime I try to mention my dad to SO---whether it's a happy time or sad moment or my doubts about disocntinuing lfie support---he always says "I don't want to talk about your dad right now. it's depressing. I don't want to think about death." My dad is NOT the grim reaper. my dad is not death itself. I miss my dad, and that's why i talk about him. I try to explain this to him and he simply says "I know but I'm tired". How can he be tired everytime? This really hurts bc i need to talk to someone and I only see her once every other week.

Anyways any advice? I am really sick of not getting what I need from him and this puts the icing on the cake. DD starts kindergarten this fall so i don't think moving away from him is a good option right now.

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 17, 2013 at 4:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 17, 2013 at 4:39 AM
He's grieving too..
missmamaof4
by Miss Mary on Aug. 17, 2013 at 4:40 AM

Do you think your dads death effected him more then you know? It sounds like he had a really hard time with it and isnt dealing with it well

Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Aug. 17, 2013 at 4:43 AM
1 mom liked this

I think that your DH probably doesn't know what to say to you to help you feel better so he is avoiding the topic

CheyJacksMom
by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 4:44 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry your dad passed Thats gotta be hard.
My advice is that although you may need to talk it out He grieves in a totally different way. as in Leave it alone type way. If you can't talk to someone get a notebook and write it out That seems to help me out when I know I have no one to turn to on certain things. Hope this helped some. And again I'm sorry your daddy is gone.
laineysmum
by Silver Member on Aug. 17, 2013 at 4:45 AM
Why would moving away from your SO be an option at all? WTF?
laineysmum
by Silver Member on Aug. 17, 2013 at 4:46 AM
I'm sorry for your loss by the way, and I agree SO is grieving in his own way.
theresa13183
by Platinum Member on Aug. 17, 2013 at 4:47 AM
1 mom liked this
my father passed away in april and i know when my mom wants to talk about it i just dont like to....he may be a more closed off, deal with things in his head type of guy and talking about it out loud makes him uncomfortable
id say give him his space and talk to somebody else about it
pressuring him wont do anything except make the situation worse because he will get mad that you wont understand that just because you want to talk about it he doesnt and he shouldnt be forced to
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 17, 2013 at 4:50 AM

Hugs! I am sorry. I still talk about my Daddy and how I miss him and he died 9 years ago. Can you talk to your mom, or a friend? It just seems like your SO isn't very supportive and he should be. It takes time to move on and it hasn't been long enough for you.

teddysmama09
by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 4:52 AM
I definitely would not suggest moving away. I don't know all the issues you have in your relationship, but this just sounds like a communication issue.

First of all, I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. As far as your SO, I think maybe he just needs time. Women are talkers, its how we deal with our problems and concerns. Men, on the other hand, are more introverted when it comes to dealing with emotions. This is why you see many more gab sites ( like this) for women!

You said you try to talk to him about the guilt you have over your decision, this is probably the big issue he Is afraid to face. He probably harbours feelings of guilt and worry as well. You did the right thing, you took the proper actions and I'm sure its what your father wanted, but it wasn't an easy decision. You can't force him to talk, you need to just give it time. You're both still grieving and grieving is different for every individual.

There is, of course, counseling. You could recommend you and SO going to a grief counselor. I'm sure it would help.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 17, 2013 at 5:06 AM

my mom isn't there for me. she left him for someone else and has her own guilt to deal with. she has mild aspberger's.

He's all I have besides dd but I don't want to burden her she's only 5.

Quoting Anonymous:

Hugs! I am sorry. I still talk about my Daddy and how I miss him and he died 9 years ago. Can you talk to your mom, or a friend? It just seems like your SO isn't very supportive and he should be. It takes time to move on and it hasn't been long enough for you.



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