by Jill Smokler
I have a running list of things a handyman needs to someday fix in our house. Things that my children have lovingly broken, like the hole in the wall resulting from the door being slammed too hard and the sink faucet that they somehow mysteriously managed to pull off. Many a time, I have wondered if it's their mission in life to destroy the house. And if it is, they're succeeding marvelously. But it's not just the house they've ruined ... it's much, much more ...
1. My body. It's not just the cliche things like droopy boobs and stretch marks. Even my feet are a full size bigger than they used to be. How is that even possible?
2. My mind. You know that phrase "I used to have a mind, now I have children"? Truer words have never been spoken.
3. My sex life. There's nothing to kill the mood like a set of eyes peering at you from the doorway.
4. My nails. Before kids, I used to have manicured nails. These days, the closest I get to manicures is scrubbing the dirt from digging for worms out with a toothbrush.
5. My ability to relax. Like, sit back, take a deep breath, and exhale. How does one do that again?
6. My wardrobe. Because who wants to chase kids around in jeans and heels? Hello, yoga pants.
7. My social life. I've been trying to see a close friend of mine for months, but between our seven kids, we simply can't find a time that works. Maybe we'll connect at their high school graduations.
8. My ability to sleep. I can fall asleep just fine, it's the way there seems to be a mass migration on to my side of the bed at 3 a.m. that's the problem.
9. My vacations. OK, maybe they're not ruined, but they certainly don't qualify as vacations anymore. See number 8.
10. My bank account. I stare at our balance and wonder where the hell the money goes. Then I glare at the children.
Thankfully, what the kids add to my life is so much more than what they take away. Good thing I never liked heels much anyway.
What have your kids ruined?