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There needs to be something done about adoptive parents breaking an open adoption agreement.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

The only way it should be able to get changed is by all parties agreeing to it or court order. If the adoptive parents break the agreement they should be held in contempt of court and face penalties.

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 19, 2013 at 5:04 PM
Replies (451-460):
adopteeme
by Bronze Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 1:43 PM
2 moms liked this
I don't think many people understand that a closed adoption in a sealed records state can be next to impossible to undo.
Stuff happens. People change their minds over the years. Circumstance may bring an urgent need to communicate. Depending on State statues of adoption disclosure law and the agencies willingness to cooperate it can be pretty likely no info can be exchanged between the parties.
You can be locked into closed forever. And then some. Here in my State, when the sought party is found to be deceased- the secret keepers uphold confidentiality of the dead.

I think the expectation of open adoption should be explained to both sets of parents as fully identified to each other. And from that point the relationship that evolves is up to the participants. And the adoptee when they are of age.

I do understand closed when there is a clear and identified issue of safety for the child.
But I like to tell people to empower themselves and take the control away from the secret keepers - JUST in case. Get a copy of the child's OBC before its sealed away. Get the ap's full name and address.

In closed and sealed, you can plead to a judge for good cause
and be denied. No matter what the reasoning. Searching for a match for bone marrow, or just an invite to your child's graduation.
Please please consider leaving an avenue open for communication beyond the agency and State holding it safe for you.

Hiding- secrets and lies shouldn't be an option.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 66 on Aug. 22, 2013 at 1:54 PM
Once you sign over rights it's not your baby anymore. So, basically what the adoptive parents says should go. If they choose to let you in, great!!! If not, move on! What bugs me is birth moms giving their children up for adoption, but still want to be a part of the child's life. Almost as if they are letting the AP raise it financially, while you get to still be apart of their lives. Kind of like you are renting the baby out. No way!!!!! It should always be closed!!!!
MamaPeanut
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 1:56 PM
Although its sad, it's an adoption, not a fun time free babysitting service.

They are the parents now, it's done.
adopteeme
by Bronze Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 2:43 PM
Choosing to particapate in a Closed adoption isn't just about "babysitting" aparents, or to protecting confused adoptees from who's your daddy/mommy issues. Closed, unidentified with NO avenue of communication can carry a legacy for your child and grandchildren
Open records will one day be restored to us. But maybe not fast enough.


http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=el7FQEDtb-M
Adopted- for the life of me

http://www.wikilaw3k.org/law/Child-Adoption/If-An-Adult-Adoptee-Adoptive-parents-and-First-Parents-Petition-the-Court-for-Access-to-Adoption-Records-89287.htm

http://www.reformtalk.net/2012/12/13/new-york-adoptee-denied-petition-to-unseal-adoption-file/

http://kaileegetwells.com/index.htm
International adoptee with aplastic anemia searching for a bone marrow match

http://adoption-free-search.org/
Terminal illness and emergency medical searches

http://www.webrtcworld.com/news/2010/10/08/5057838.htm
Adoptee dates his (unknown) sibling!
emberpanther
by on Nov. 1, 2013 at 7:11 AM
1 mom liked this

Sorry but once you sign those final papers you have no rights to the child as it is no longer legally yours.  If you want to be in your child's life don't give it up for adoption in the first place.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 67 on Nov. 1, 2013 at 7:12 AM
Ok. Same with birth mother s then.
adrianaevanmom
by on Nov. 1, 2013 at 7:23 AM
This is one reason why my aunt adopted from Russia. She didn't want birth parents involved. She adopted two older kids from foster care, whose parents lost their rights but her baby she just adopted, she adopted from Russia. She's preparing to adopt an 8 year old from foster care too.

I understand why she wouldn't want birth parents around. She's a great mom. A loving mom. Those kids are incredibly lucky to have her. Her foster kids were 15,13 when she adopted them, the baby was 13 months and she's preparing to adopt an 8 year old.
adopteeme
by Bronze Member on Nov. 1, 2013 at 4:20 PM
Quoting adrianaevanmom:

This is one reason why my aunt adopted from Russia. She didn't want birth parents involved. She adopted two older kids from foster care, whose parents lost their rights but her baby she just adopted, she adopted from Russia. She's preparing to adopt an 8 year old from foster care too.

I understand why she wouldn't want birth parents around. She's a great mom. A loving mom. Those kids are incredibly lucky to have her. Her foster kids were 15,13 when she adopted them, the baby was 13 months and she's preparing to adopt an 8 year old.



But, adoption isn't "just" about her and her feelings.
It's also about those kids who had no say as to how they felt about a secret adoption and being moved thousands of miles away from their homeland with a slim to nothing chance at a papertrail that could lead them back to learn about their origins and family.


"In all of us there is a hunger, marrow-deep, to know our heritage- to know who we are and where we have come from. Without this enriching knowledge, there is a hollow yearning. No matter what our attainments in life, there is still a vacuum, an emptiness, and the most disquieting loneliness."
Alex Haley




Cmgmqmmom
by Ruby Member on Nov. 1, 2013 at 4:21 PM

I don't think open adoption should be allowed at all. I would never adopt a child in that situation.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 68 on Nov. 1, 2013 at 4:22 PM

 I think they should make open adoptions illegal.  Just my opinion as an adopted person.

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