Fast forward to now. I've noticed that my oldest seems socially and academically advanced compared to my youngest. When I think about accomplishments my oldest has made it seems like she did them sooner than my youngest. Example - my oldest learned our address and contact info perfectly at 4 and even though we've worked with them equally my youngest hasn't gotten all of it down. The same goes with writing their names. My 4 year old can't write her name but my 5 year old has been for over a year. My youngest isn't stupid or slow, according to her doc she's perfect. My oldest is just "advanced" according to docs and teachers. Even in social situations my youngest is reserved while my oldest wants to get to know everyone.
So I've been thinking - what did we do differently between the two? Breastfeeding is the only thing. Even though I didn't breastfeed very long, any breast milk is better than none. I just worry that my selfishness may be the reason my youngest isn't up to speed like my oldest. I was so young when I had them - 17 & 18 (spare the teen mom lecture - dh and I put ourselves through college and landed great jobs - hard work but worth it). I didn't fully understand the benefits of breastfeeding and put what I wanted first. I feel so guilty. Their father (dh) and I are now financially and emotionally stable and are considering one more baby, and if we do have another I will definitely breastfeed. But is it possible that I maybe set my youngest up for a harder academic and social life because I didn't breastfeed? Please be nice in your responses...Thanks! And sorry this is so long!
Edit: Thanks ladies - everyone has been very helpful (aside from the one who implied I pick favorites). I'm going to try to stop beating myself up over this.