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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Could this be because of breastfeeding?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 51 Replies
First off I would like to say that I love both of my girls equally. They are both unique in their own ways and have their own strengths and weaknesses. That being said, I nursed my oldest for about a month after she was born (she is 5 now). I hated it, mainly because it was so painful. So I put my want first and switched to the bottle. A year later my second was born (she is 4). I didn't even try breastfeeding.

Fast forward to now. I've noticed that my oldest seems socially and academically advanced compared to my youngest. When I think about accomplishments my oldest has made it seems like she did them sooner than my youngest. Example - my oldest learned our address and contact info perfectly at 4 and even though we've worked with them equally my youngest hasn't gotten all of it down. The same goes with writing their names. My 4 year old can't write her name but my 5 year old has been for over a year. My youngest isn't stupid or slow, according to her doc she's perfect. My oldest is just "advanced" according to docs and teachers. Even in social situations my youngest is reserved while my oldest wants to get to know everyone.

So I've been thinking - what did we do differently between the two? Breastfeeding is the only thing. Even though I didn't breastfeed very long, any breast milk is better than none. I just worry that my selfishness may be the reason my youngest isn't up to speed like my oldest. I was so young when I had them - 17 & 18 (spare the teen mom lecture - dh and I put ourselves through college and landed great jobs - hard work but worth it). I didn't fully understand the benefits of breastfeeding and put what I wanted first. I feel so guilty. Their father (dh) and I are now financially and emotionally stable and are considering one more baby, and if we do have another I will definitely breastfeed. But is it possible that I maybe set my youngest up for a harder academic and social life because I didn't breastfeed? Please be nice in your responses...Thanks! And sorry this is so long!

Edit: Thanks ladies - everyone has been very helpful (aside from the one who implied I pick favorites). I'm going to try to stop beating myself up over this.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 21, 2013 at 6:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 21, 2013 at 7:01 PM
Bump
TrouserMouse
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 7:05 PM
1 mom liked this
Studies show that if breastfeeding makes any difference at all in IQ that it is only 5-7 points at the most, if that is what you are getting at. All children develop at different rates. Some excel in some areas while others don't. Everyone has their own talents and interests. There is no need to compare.
DarksMama
by Gold Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 7:06 PM
2 moms liked this

Cue the flying monkeys who will tell you that you terminally screwed your youngest, that your selfish, stupid, and should get your uterus ripped out with a toothpick. 

Fuck them. 

You did what you could at the time. I bottled my DD, and I BF my son. Not getting into why they are done different, they just are. But don't let yourself get bullied into thinking that that ONE small difference has done your youngest wrong. Every kid is different regardless of how they are fed, swaddled, co-slept or not. Kids are just all different. That's ALL it is. You're doing fine.

DesertDuck
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 7:07 PM
3 moms liked this

There IS something different between your two girls: they don't have exactly the same DNA. They're also very, very young. "Advancement" at their ages doesn't mean much. There's also nothing wrong with them having different personalities--reserved can also mean more thoughtful, for example. Seriously, don't sweat it. There are enough ways to screw up our kids without worrying over this. (And I do believe in breastfeeding.)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 21, 2013 at 7:07 PM
I don't believe so. I didn't nurse either of my kids and still my dd (shes 5) has progressed quicker than my friends dd who was born two weeks earlier and bf. My ds is 16 months old and is right on time with everything but is learning to talk really fast and is very social. I think they're just two different kids going at their own pace and dancing to the beat of their own drum.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 21, 2013 at 7:08 PM
Whenever someone starts off with I love my kids equally I always question it.
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 7:09 PM
1 mom liked this

Why are you putting this much thought into this?

Were you a carbon copy of all your siblings?  Is it not possible that just HAVING a sibling to 'compete' with could influence her differently, or that your children are unique individuals who will have different strengths and learn at different paces?

krazymom2boyz
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 7:10 PM
I breastfed my oldest longer than my youngest and my oldest is reserved and having a harder time in school. It is more about who they are than what they were fed. IMO.
alexsmomaubrys2
by Ruby Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 7:11 PM

No. I breastfed my oldest for 6 weeks and had all sorts of problems and stopped. I didn't breastfed my youngest at all. They are only 12 months apart in age. 

I would say they are pretty equal when it comes to academics, my youngest might even be a little more advanced, she does have more confidence. 

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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 21, 2013 at 7:11 PM
Thanks, but I remember my first doctor telling me that "good moms breastfeed." Just stuck with me I guess.


Quoting DarksMama:

Cue the flying monkeys who will tell you that you terminally screwed your youngest, that your selfish, stupid, and should get your uterus ripped out with a toothpick. 

Fuck them. 

You did what you could at the time. I bottled my DD, and I BF my son. Not getting into why they are done different, they just are. But don't let yourself get bullied into thinking that that ONE small difference has done your youngest wrong. Every kid is different regardless of how they are fed, swaddled, co-slept or not. Kids are just all different. That's ALL it is. You're doing fine.


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