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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

A Guide For Southerners Moving to the North

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 113 Replies
1 mom liked this


To keep it fair with the Northerners Tips for Moving to the South:


Guide for Southerners Moving North



1."Hey" is not considered a term of greeting.
2. Pop is not your father.
3. Eye contact on the street is considered a scary invasion of personal space.
4. When it snows, go to the store and buy all of the beer you can carry. You will need it to endure the "I bet you have never seen this much snow at one time" speech.
5. When people laugh at your accent, remind them that no one ever considered "utes", "yous guys", "Shicaaago" or "caaaah" sexy.
6. Rubbers are not condoms.
7. Don't wave at people as you pass them on the road. People will either wave back with one finger or wreck trying to figure out who the hell you are.
8. Don't request ice tea at a restaurant.....ever.  Unless you like unsweetened ice tea.
9. Northerners cook the tomatoes, but not the green beans.
10. Be prepared to explain what grits are........about 1000 times.
11. Expect everyone to think that your name is Bubba or that you have two first names.
12. Carry the gun that everyone thinks you own. Yankees are always showing up at gun fights with just a knife.
13. There are just as many trailers here as there are in the South.  These trailers are not nearly as nice as those at home.
14. About=Fixin, Push=Mash, None=nary a one, Wimp=Not a hair on his ass.
15. There are just as many people here related to someone who has been on "Cops".
16. If you've been to Southern Florida, you've been to New Jersey.
17. Expect people from Indiana and other "border" states to insist they are Southern, then they go and buy designer cheese and wear black socks to the beach.
18. Get used to people coming up to you and asking you to talk. Only do it for the pretty ones.
19. If you are going anywhere at less than 15 mph over the speed limit, expect people to tell you you are #1 with their middle finger.  No one goes that fast in the left lane, however.
20. Yankees still think they won the war.  Based on the vehicles, music and general status of the economy in the North, I'd say not so much.
21. Bar-B-Que is an event, not meat.
22. Expect weatherpeople to babble on and on about the snow, ice, or cold weather the way they do in the South. Remember though, they get it over half the year here.
23. Reporters in the North also find the person from the shallowest end of the gene pool to interview in the event of a disaster.  There is no shortage of such people to interview.
24. Football=NFL
25. There are only two seasons in the North. Winter and Road repair.

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 22, 2013 at 4:18 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 22, 2013 at 4:26 AM
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Apparently, there's more!



ADVICE TO SOUTHERNERS MOVING NORTH



1. Remember; "yous" can be singular or plural. “You guys” or “Yous guys” is plural and for both sexes. Use it as you would typically use “y’all” down south.

2. At the end of every other sentence put an “eh?” on it. Doesn’t matter if it was a question, it could be a statement too eh?

3. If you take a cab, be forewarned that none of the cab drivers up north speak anything remotely close to your language.

4. Don't be surprised to find liquor sold in drug stores.

5. Get used to hearing the "F" word and try not to take offense. Most northerners just use it as an adjective. It's f----ing cold, it's f----ing hot, she's f----ing ugly, What the "F" you looking at," etc.

6. The spring wardrobe you brought out in March can wait until the end of June.

7. Even though you are already driving 15 miles over the speed limit, the idiot behind you with the New York tags flashing his lights and flipping you off wants you to get the out of the way. No offense, it's common practice up there.

8. Although there is only one posted speed limit, there is a fast lane and a slow lane. Those traveling in the fast lane are usually doing 20-25 miles above the speed limit. If you want to drive the speed limit, stay in the right lane.

9. Be advised, northerners do use turn signals; they just wait until actually turning to do so.

10. Be advised that while you may be used to opening doors for ladies, this could be considered a come-on. Worse yet, lesbians and women's libbers consider it an insult.

11. Although you have been taught to use it all your life, permanently remove Ma'am and Sir from your vocabulary unless you are in the military. People will look at you as if you are from another planet.

12. Never ask for grits in a restaurant, and don't expect to find sweetened ice tea anywhere. Our Egg McMuffins are actually served on muffins, not biscuits. You’ll be hard pressed to find biscuits anywhere except maybe KFC.

13. Don't be concerned that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

14. Weddings and funerals alike are generally viewed as opportunities to get knee crawling, slip-sliding, commode-hugging drunk.

15. Other transplanted southerners can be identified by the fact that smile and speak even if they don't know you. In addition, if they haven't lived there too long, they still have good manners.

16. While you may have been used to doing this all your life, never again leave your windows open at night.

17. Most northerners seem to think God has a last name. You will rarely hear his name mentioned that it is not followed by a four-letter word. Forgive them. They know not what they say. You will also hear Northerners frequently say, "Ohhhh Myyyyy Gahhhhhd!" Just remind them that they should address someone they know.

18. Remember to allow for room under your childrens Halloween costumes for snowsuits.

19. Stores don’t have buggys. They have carts.

20. -20 degrees below zero is just cold. Zero degrees is a little chilly. 20 degrees is when you might want to start wearing a jacket and anything over 30 degrees out you’re going to find people in shorts.

21. Opening Day of Fishing is treated as a national holiday and Deer Season is pretty much a “long” holiday.

22. “Winter” lasts an average of 7 months. It will snow. Lots. No, school is not cancelled, nothing is closed and all stores are open as usual. Yes, even when we’ve received 20” of new snow.

23. “Hotdish” is a casserole. Typically accompanied by a lot of ketchup. Ketchup is a food group up here.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 22, 2013 at 4:29 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 22, 2013 at 4:29 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 22, 2013 at 4:29 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 22, 2013 at 4:30 AM

BUMP!

shanesmom24
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 4:47 AM
2 moms liked this

well since you had to bump it your self   i will reply.  i guess you are not from the north?  i did not understand a few things you posted.  or i guess not you are not from the north east?  the fact you mention the war?  really? i never heard a someone from the north say  and yes we won the war.  if you own a jeep wrangler  you wave.  does not matter where you are from. it is a jeep thing, if you dont have one you wont understand. but many in beach areas own them.  yes northerners know what grits are.  and you can find them places.  ok i am bored.  have a nice day :)  

graciebsgranny
by Bronze Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 4:52 AM
2 moms liked this

 Haha, no 18 is so true. I work in a restaurant off of I-95 close to the Florida line and the Northerners love to hear me talk, and since my Southern drawl is even more pronounced than Paula Deen's I make alot of money off of the them just by talking to them!

Keara20
by Platinum Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 5:02 AM
Lol!!! This was funny too!
justone_jen
by Gold Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 5:03 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm in the Midwest. Apparently, we're a combination of the two.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 22, 2013 at 5:11 AM


I didn't write either of these, just like the other poster about the guide for northerners moving to the south did not write that either. LOL

Get your panties out of a bunch.


Quoting shanesmom24:

well since you had to bump it your self   i will reply.  i guess you are not from the north?  i did not understand a few things you posted.  or i guess not you are not from the north east?  the fact you mention the war?  really? i never heard a someone from the north say  and yes we won the war.  if you own a jeep wrangler  you wave.  does not matter where you are from. it is a jeep thing, if you dont have one you wont understand. but many in beach areas own them.  yes northerners know what grits are.  and you can find them places.  ok i am bored.  have a nice day :)  



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