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Do you have sahm guilt?

Posted by Anonymous
  • 19 Replies
If you are a sahm but your kids are in school, do you feel guilty for not working? Also do you expect your dh/so to help out with household chores or do you do it all? I have been both a working mom(hours opposite of dh or during school hours so one of us was home with the kids) and a sahm (both when the kids were to young for school and after starting school). I quit my job a few months ago because the stress was making my medical conditions(limiting but not on disability) worse. Now that school has started and I am at home all day I feel like I should be working. We can afford for me to be a sahm but just barely. We do not need to be on any assistance and have no trouble paying bills but there is no money for extras. I have several friends who are sahms with kids in school so I know it is not uncommon. So what do you do to assuage the guilt, if you have any? I find myself(now and in the past) cleaning all day or finding small projects around the house to do, not only to take up my time but because the kids work hard at school all day and dh works hard to provide for us and I feel it is my job to make a home they are happy to come home to. But I can only clean so much. I am already involved in PTA and volunteer at school. How do I get past feeling like I am not doing enough?
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by *Claire-Bear* on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:59 AM

I have no guilt. Sorry.. I won't be much help on this one. :-) 


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:59 AM

Quoting mcginnisc:

I have no guilt. Sorry.. I won't be much help on this one. :-) 

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:00 PM
No guilt. I also don't expect dh to help with housework.
by Snarknado on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:01 PM

no, because I'm the one schooling them, and I'm in school myself. 

by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:03 PM

I felt guilty for not working, and now that I am working I feel a hell of a lot worse than i did before. I'm having a HARD ass time adjusting. I love being back at work but when I'm at work I just want to be home with our daughter. 

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:03 PM
Well I still have three out of six not in school, but wouldn't feel guilty if they all were. I cook, clean, volunteer and stay busy. Why guilt?
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't have any "guilt."  Being a SAHM is what works best for me and my family, and it is something DH and I agreed on.

I think your first step to relieving your guilt should be therapy.  You need to find out why you feel inadequate and come to terms and acceptance with what decisions are being made. 

I think you place too much value on what everyone else is doing and not enough on what you do.  Everybody has an important role to play in a family.  The role of mother is often a complicated one, with conflicting interests and pressure to provide financially and emotionally to everyone but herself.  As a Mom, you can't "win."  If you work, daycare is raising your children, you're stressed, you never should have had kids.  If you are a SAHM, you aren't contributing to your family's success, you're children will resent you for being around too much, you shouldnt' be forcing your children to learn how to do chores, etc.

I think once you can accept your role and appreciate what you do, you can explore some more options.  Learn how to stretch the budget, take up some crafts to save holiday money (like making costumes or Christmas decorations), or even look for a part time job you will ENJOY, even if it doesn't bring in much money.

by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:04 PM

Yes. It's been hitting me hard lately that I'm looking for part-time work. I don't like the fact that my husband is out working and I'm home with no kids at home. He says he doesn't mind but for me, it's just, I don't know, I just don't like it. It makes me feel worthless.

by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:05 PM
I've been a SAHM for 14 years. Never felt an ounce of guilt nor will I. If I need help of course I expect my husband to help.
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:05 PM
Sometimes, but it is fleeting. I feel a bit guilty right now that my kiddo and I are having a fabulous week at camp and the husband is in a dusty, boiling hot shop building a kitchen. While I am kayaking with the kiddo, he is being blinded by his own sweat. Lol That brings out the guilt... Or is it pity? Either way. Lol ;) Look, life is not how much you can force into a day. It is not a sprint, my friend, it is a marathon. Who said you have to exhaust yourself, everyday? Having said that, if you are just not happy not working, start looking. Good luck!
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