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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

how to handle visits when things get akward?

Posted by on Aug. 25, 2013 at 9:35 AM
  • 91 Replies
Dh has a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship. They aren't close and recently just started talkibg and hanging out again. Dh has brought up concerns about feeling like his daughter is using him.

First off everytime dh calls to invite her over she always asks what we are doing before she says nay or ya. If it's not something she wants to do she will say they are busy without even asking her mom. She never calls dh between visits just to talk. Dh is the one always calling. When dh had stitches his daughter knew about it but didn't call. When my son (her half brother) had surgery she never called. She invited herself over for christmas on her first visite 2 1/2 months ago, everytime she comes over she has to know everything (how much we paid for something, where we are going, when we are leaving, why we did or are doing what we are doing ect), she told her friend that dh would get her and her friend into six flags without asking dh first, she never asks questions about dh to try and get to know him, she never seems interested when dh makes conversation about himself or asks questions about her to get to know her.

To me it seems like she only wants a relationship with dh hecause she wants stuff from him. Stuff she isn't getting from her mom. Maybe I'm wrong but that's how I view the situation and dh says he's starting to feel the same. It's been two weeks since her last visit. She hasn't called at all, asked to come over or nothing. Dh asked me what he should do. I don't know what the answer is. What would you tell him to do?
by on Aug. 25, 2013 at 9:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 25, 2013 at 9:37 AM
2 moms liked this
She's 12.
imultracool
by Gold Member on Aug. 25, 2013 at 9:37 AM
She's 12...
RoxStetz
by Gold Member on Aug. 25, 2013 at 9:40 AM
2 moms liked this
She's a kid. You cant expect her to act like a mature adult. It will take time to work out a relationship.
DownrightDoula
by on Aug. 25, 2013 at 9:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like a typical 12 year old to me
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 25, 2013 at 9:42 AM
To me it winds like she is resentful that she is 12 and just now getting a relationship with her dad.
spooky415
by Ruby Member on Aug. 25, 2013 at 9:42 AM
1 mom liked this
eh. i think a lot of what she's doing is age related. i dont think she's trying to use him so much as she's being a 12 year old. i mean, its not polite to ask how much things cost but i see why she's asking what you guys are doing. i did the same thing when i was invited places by family at her age. at that age their starting to decide to spend more time with their friends.

as for not asking her husband about himself, again, i don't think its that she doesn't care. 12 year olds...they don't always think about stuff like that. in her mind, she's the kid, its about her. that's how it was for me when i spent time with my dad (i lived with my aunt and uncle).

don't accuse her of using you. its going to make it hard for a relationship to form because she's going to second guess EVERYTHING. i'd definitely tell her that its not polite to ask the cost of things and to make sure that she's not making plans with her friends without first discussing with her father. but kids that age get wrapped up in their own social lives...it might not be that she's not calling him just because she doesnt want anything from him at the moment.
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TurtleMomma82
by Barbie on Aug. 25, 2013 at 9:43 AM

She's just a child.  And from the sounds of it, she hasn't been around much before.  She's probably not sure how to handle everything.

mhaney03
by on Aug. 25, 2013 at 9:44 AM

Sounds like a typical teenager that needs a reality check.

lucky2Beeme
by Ruby Member on Aug. 25, 2013 at 9:45 AM
1 mom liked this

She is a child. He is basically a stranger. Where was he  for the first 12 years ? Why wasn't he in her life ? Its up to you adults to find a way to engage her. When she asks questions that you adults don't feel are her business tell her that.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 25, 2013 at 9:45 AM
3 moms liked this
Really? She is 12 this is what 12 year old girls do. Sorry your DH was absent too long to realize this. Perhaps if they had a relationship from day one this wouldn't be the case.
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