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In two weeks I sign custody of my kids away. ( please READ the POST )

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Because I love them. There is a fine line between fighting for them, and fighting over them. I will not use my children as objects. As something to be drug to court every other month. They will grow up normal happy children because they are loved. And because I love them I am doing what is best right now for them. Two years ago I was a sahm. Raising my 3 beautiful girls. Today I get visitation. I pick them up from school on the days I'm off. They live 10 minutes from me. When I got divorced things were hard. I wasn't getting child support so I moved in with my boyfriend because I needed help. We didn't get married and that started a custody war. My children were placed in temp custody of my ex. I have spent the past few months overcoming severe depression a nervous breakdown and each day I am trying to feel normal again. My kids are very loved and cared for. Surrounded by family. I made the decision to sign away custody so they could keep their normal as much as possible. In two weeks I sign custody away and I will get a check for 9,000 in back child support. My kids will continue living their lives in what is considered our new normal. My ex and I are on ok terms after I pretty much surrendered. I will get open visitation. Any time I want to see them I can. I talk to them daily. Take them for ice cream after school. I love my kids so I'm not GIVING THEM UP. I'm GIVING THEM NORMAL AND HAPPINESS. I am confident in my decision, and I hope they understand some day.


EDIT TO CLARIFY- the papers will be signed at a COURTHOUSE with LAWYERS in front of a JUDGE. the papers will be on MY terms or i will not sign. this is voluntary to quit the fight.

the MONEY- i did not know about it until after we made this decision. i am not SELLING my kids. that will go to pay for me moving to a new house, and i start COLLEGE in january. i think his family came up with the idea with his lawyer so during this time i can go ahead and get my degrees.

its not my RIGHTS- its CUSTODY. i will have open visitation. i see them muliple times a week. and i will get weekends. i dont have to worry about them moving or thier father getting a new wife. hes not into that. hes...different. *i* filed for divorce. i left. he didnt leave me.

i really am doing whats best for them.

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 25, 2013 at 9:24 PM
Replies (351-360):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:56 AM


yes. i have made a few.

Quoting Anonymous:

Have you posted about this before? I remember this exact post.

Quoting Anonymous:


i was unmarried living with my boyfriend. ( moved in with him, needed help). that is a mortal sin to my judge. we were ordered to get married  BUT were not given a TIME FRAME. i assumed if i was PLANNING a wedding it would be ok. i didnt have time. a month later was court ( i got a 3 day notice). the judge got really mad at me at that hearing. i had to bring the kids and we were there from 9 am to 8 pm.


Quoting Anonymous:

I've seen this asked multiple times, but haven't seen an answer (i may have missed it) but WHY did the court give him temporary custody? Courts don't just take kids away from their mother for no reason, so what was the reason?



Quoting Anonymous:

when we divorced *i* had the kids. *i* raised them the past year and a half. in may, he got temp custody. they have been with him since may. thats it. i raised them everyday thier whole lives before that.




Quoting angelachristine:

So you walked away from your ex and your kids. Well good luck with that. Sounds like you are putting your wants ahead of your kids. I wouldn't be suprised if they grow up to resent you.










mommie2madison
by Silver Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:57 AM

A mother doing what she genuinely feels is in the best interests of her children.  If only all of us could be that selfless.  A mother fighting (to what end) for custody of her children and dragging her children through hell in the process does not make her a better mother than one who accepts that her children can be in the custody of another loving parent/family member without the need to wreak havoc on those children's lives.

OP - I truly commend what you are doing.  I know it can't be easy, and I know I am too selfish - I would fight for what "I" wanted regardless of what was best for my kids probably - you have a lot to be proud of - most importantly preserving a great relationship with your kids.


Quoting Anonymous:

I don't even know what to say. A mother not fighting for her children, it's very sad to me!



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 2, 2013 at 11:57 AM
As I have said MANY times.... It doesn't make it ANY less sad to ME!

I cannot imagine just giving up.

Quoting mommie2madison:

A mother doing what she genuinely feels is in the best interests of her children.  If only all of us could be that selfless.  A mother fighting (to what end) for custody of her children and dragging her children through hell in the process does not make her a better mother than one who accepts that her children can be in the custody of another loving parent/family member without the need to wreak havoc on those children's lives.

OP - I truly commend what you are doing.  I know it can't be easy, and I know I am too selfish - I would fight for what "I" wanted regardless of what was best for my kids probably - you have a lot to be proud of - most importantly preserving a great relationship with your kids.



Quoting Anonymous:

I don't even know what to say. A mother not fighting for her children, it's very sad to me!




mommie2madison
by Silver Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 1:30 PM


Fair point - sad indeed.  I did jump to the conclusion reading your post and interpreted your "sad" to be sarcastic as in pathetic or disapproval.  ;-)

Quoting Anonymous:

As I have said MANY times.... It doesn't make it ANY less sad to ME!

I cannot imagine just giving up.

Quoting mommie2madison:

A mother doing what she genuinely feels is in the best interests of her children.  If only all of us could be that selfless.  A mother fighting (to what end) for custody of her children and dragging her children through hell in the process does not make her a better mother than one who accepts that her children can be in the custody of another loving parent/family member without the need to wreak havoc on those children's lives.

OP - I truly commend what you are doing.  I know it can't be easy, and I know I am too selfish - I would fight for what "I" wanted regardless of what was best for my kids probably - you have a lot to be proud of - most importantly preserving a great relationship with your kids.



Quoting Anonymous:

I don't even know what to say. A mother not fighting for her children, it's very sad to me!






Anonymous
by Anonymous 72 on Sep. 2, 2013 at 1:33 PM

I would NEVER give up my kids. Are you trying to make yourself feel better by posting this on CM? 

TranquilMind
by Ruby Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 1:37 PM

 You'd better get the open visitation reduced to writing BY A FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY.  Trust me, legal documents do not always say what lay people think they say.

I don't understand how you are thinking.  I don't get it.  I realized you got divorced, which may or may not have been somewhat your fault.  But these are your children?  The kids will always think that you did not care enough to raise them, if the visitation thing goes bad. 

And you moved in with a boyfriend while attempting to get custody?  Sigh.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 73 on Sep. 2, 2013 at 2:05 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree. When me and my brothers were younger my mom went through tuff times and got addicted to drugs,she gave my dad custody of me and my brothers for a year so she could get clean. That was the best thing she could have done for me and my brothers AND for herself. 

Quoting mommie2madison:

A mother doing what she genuinely feels is in the best interests of her children.  If only all of us could be that selfless.  A mother fighting (to what end) for custody of her children and dragging her children through hell in the process does not make her a better mother than one who accepts that her children can be in the custody of another loving parent/family member without the need to wreak havoc on those children's lives.

OP - I truly commend what you are doing.  I know it can't be easy, and I know I am too selfish - I would fight for what "I" wanted regardless of what was best for my kids probably - you have a lot to be proud of - most importantly preserving a great relationship with your kids.


Quoting Anonymous:

I don't even know what to say. A mother not fighting for her children, it's very sad to me!




awnryprincess
by Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 3:21 AM

 I could not imagine - even knowing the way my ex handled things & he went dirty to do so - which bascay signed sealed & delivered me - especially since I couldn't afford an attorney to properly represent me - could not give up the fight.... legally. I gave it up as far as focusing on it & being bitter - my boys deserved better than that - but to just sign off... Without an attorney - I was going to my cross - but it's what I had to do for my boys - no matter how much it hurt me... it would have been easier to just walk away - but my heart would not let me -  not the way he was doing things. I hope this works out for you - but those papers don't mean sh*t in the end unless you can enforce them. To enforce you have to go back to court.... my ex failed to return my children & I could not get back in to court to enforce... and he was on PROBATION for custody violations... Your ex could deny you later down the line... and there really is very little you can do unless you can afford an attorney... self-represent - but good luck.... I feel for you - not judging... just not something I could do - especially knowing what I know about the way the family law system works..

lipsis
by Ruby Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 3:30 AM

My daughter's going through her third custody battle right now. I say she's going through it, because her dad and I don't have it as hard as her. She paints. She has this horrible painting of a shadow being yanked in different directions by big, imposing people and she titled it "Custody Battle." I think it's sadder to fight if it truly isn't in the best interest of the child. I can at least say that her dad and I both *think* we are doing what's best for her. I've only doubted this about her dad about one issue

Quoting mommie2madison:

Fair point - sad indeed.  I did jump to the conclusion reading your post and interpreted your "sad" to be sarcastic as in pathetic or disapproval.  ;-)

Quoting Anonymous:

As I have said MANY times.... It doesn't make it ANY less sad to ME!

I cannot imagine just giving up.
Quoting mommie2madison:

A mother doing what she genuinely feels is in the best interests of her children.  If only all of us could be that selfless.  A mother fighting (to what end) for custody of her children and dragging her children through hell in the process does not make her a better mother than one who accepts that her children can be in the custody of another loving parent/family member without the need to wreak havoc on those children's lives.

OP - I truly commend what you are doing.  I know it can't be easy, and I know I am too selfish - I would fight for what "I" wanted regardless of what was best for my kids probably - you have a lot to be proud of - most importantly preserving a great relationship with your kids.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't even know what to say. A mother not fighting for her children, it's very sad to me!
cakbr
by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 4:21 AM
If this is in the best interest, good for you.

Stay strong momma.

Be different if you were signing the papers and never seeing them again.
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