Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

THIS is why I do not attend church. ETA

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 190 Replies
2 moms liked this

DH and I were trying out a few churches several years ago. We went from the church we met at to a few others and finally settled at a Baptist one. Every service the pastor preached got to me, it was relateable and made me see things in a new light. Not even from a religious point of view but from a personal view. DH didn't mind the church, mostly went because I wanted to go, but he got involved. We became members, the first time as adults that we had been a member of a church.We got our kids in the childrens program and we got involved in the small groups that met Sunday morning before service. I volunteered that summer at VBS, we attended gatherings. Something we'd never done before as a couple. 

Well things started to change...DH and I were going through a difficult time in our marriage and I went to the ladies in my group for help. They just said "pray about it". This was a BAD situation that needed REAL help not just "prayer". After that they started to shun us. We weren't treated the same way at groups, weren't invited to parties or lunches, and they just treated us badly by their judgemental attitudes instead of doing the "Christian" thing and helping. I got sick of it and left. DH was fine with that, un-known to me at the time that he was actually thinking about leaving the religion all together. Not a single person called to see where we were, to say they were thinking about us, etc (our previous church would message us if the kids hadn't been in awhile and invite them back). Not a single pastor called to see if everything was okay. We were forgotten. Two weeks after not showing up the people on my FB from the group deleted me. 

Well tonight, over three years after we left the church, I was looking through some of DH's things to see if anything needed to be thrown out/kept (major nesting going on right now). I found an unopened letter from the church dated June of 2011, a year and a half after we left, addressed to DH. I opened it, curious. I read it and just had to shake my head. It was a letter asking for a "generous donation" to their "building fund" (we live about a mile from the church and drive past it every day...what fucking new building because I haven't seen one yet????) the nex ttime we attend service.

NOPE.

I told DH this and he just laughed and said "wow"...this is not the first time a church in this area has done this. His family attended a small church when they first moved here ten years ago. They were very involved in several different areas, were close to the "higher ups" in the church, and gave a lot of money to them. They had some personal issues going on with the family (death, change of employement, etc) and they took a break from church for a few weeks. In that time not a single person called to ask if things were okay so MIL decided not to go back. About four months later they receive a letter from the church saying "We noticed you haven't been paying your regular tithe...please send in a check to *name of church here*"

ETA: 
While I know your intentions are good and most all of you are suggesting to just keep trying to find another church that is a better fit for us I'm adding since it's apparently not clear enough that DH is now an Atheist and I'm quickly following that. It's taken me longer since I was so brainwashed as a child to believe in God, but every day I get more and more fed up with the religion and entire aspect of it. I appreciate the suggestion to help "grow in faith" but when you don't believe that really just doesn't do much. 

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:02 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
JemJerrica
by Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:06 PM
I hate when churches do that... I am a member of an awesome non-denominational church here in SoCal and they've never done that. We absolutely love our church. Complete opposite of what other churches seem to do these days.
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:09 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree.  MIL's church from back home has been "remodeling" for over 10 years.  They have a wall COVERED in names of people who donated $5,000, $10,000, and $25,000 dollars...and the roof is STILL not done.  Plus, the youth groups have to struggle to raise funds for their activities.  I sat and did the math 2 years ago, and over 3 million dollars had gone into that church's building fund, and almost nothing was done.  Of course, when I pointed out that trivial math to MIL and some other church members, I was accosted for daring to criticize so I left it at that.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:09 PM
I hate to generalize like this, but baptist are pretty much like that. I was baptist when I was about to marry my catholic husband (I convert after we got married) and asked the baptist pastor to marry my husband and I. Without looking me in the eye he basically told me no because he wasn't the same religion. I don't care that he said no, per se, but he didn't even have the balls to say no to my face, he looked at his desk the whole time. I left after that and no one ever called me or anything, but boy did they send me lots of envelopes for donations or tithing for their new building for almost a year after I left. So yeah, I totally know how you feel.
turtlesquish23
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:09 PM
13 moms liked this
Religion is the largest, most corrupt business I've ever seen
FireMoonGypsy
by Silver Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:12 PM

The church I used to attend went to hell. 

When I say attend I mean I went through 8 years of their school, church every sunday chapels during the week 2x a week, Monday night bible studies, church fundraisers, middle school friday night weekly functions, worked in the nursery on occasion and volunteered with their VBS and church camps and youth events and church youth retreats. 

It was a lot. 

And it was a wonderful church until the head pastor stepped down and the youth pastor stepped into power. 

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. They sold off a lot of land, made a lot of money, cut a lot of good teachers and church staff, built a mega church and started paying their pastors like rock stars. NO joke. 

They chased out people who got in their way, they hurt families, etc. 

The pastor had such a God-complex he ended up beating up a guy who tried to pass through the parking lot of the church. Whole ordeal, lots of craziness. 

I have more of a problem with that then the occasional "Did you contribute an offering this month?" letter. 

"The truth is not always beautiful, nor beautiful words the truth" - Lao Tzu

Bleacher-mom
by Gold Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:13 PM
5 moms liked this

I'm sorry that you had that bad experience. I can understand what your saying. There are many churches that I won't go to myself.

Just remember, don't allow what people on earth do to change your relationship with God. He will deal with them accordingly, you just stay close to Him. You can't let people like that get between you and God.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:16 PM

My relationship with God went to shit all on it's own. Well my parents had a lot to do with it but not the church. 

Quoting Bleacher-mom:

I'm sorry that you had that bad experience. I can understand what your saying. There are many churches that I won't go to myself.

Just remember, don't allow what people on earth do to change your relationship with God. He will deal with them accordingly, you just stay close to Him. You can't let people like that get between you and God.



MommaTCB
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:16 PM
Very good advice. Christians are not perfect, and most of us know that! We are just forgiven by Gods grace. There are many fabulous churches doing great work. Not perfect, but trying.


Quoting Bleacher-mom:

I'm sorry that you had that bad experience. I can understand what your saying. There are many churches that I won't go to myself.

Just remember, don't allow what people on earth do to change your relationship with God. He will deal with them accordingly, you just stay close to Him. You can't let people like that get between you and God.


MommaTCB
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:17 PM
Very good advice. Christians are not perfect, and most of us know that! We are just forgiven by Gods grace. There are many fabulous churches doing great work. Not perfect, but trying.


Quoting Bleacher-mom:

I'm sorry that you had that bad experience. I can understand what your saying. There are many churches that I won't go to myself.

Just remember, don't allow what people on earth do to change your relationship with God. He will deal with them accordingly, you just stay close to Him. You can't let people like that get between you and God.


Johariz
by Platinum Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:17 PM
2 moms liked this
I never had issues like that at my church. I'm Catholic. Been in a lot of different church communities. They haven't done anything like that ever.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)