DH and I were trying out a few churches several years ago. We went from the church we met at to a few others and finally settled at a Baptist one. Every service the pastor preached got to me, it was relateable and made me see things in a new light. Not even from a religious point of view but from a personal view. DH didn't mind the church, mostly went because I wanted to go, but he got involved. We became members, the first time as adults that we had been a member of a church.We got our kids in the childrens program and we got involved in the small groups that met Sunday morning before service. I volunteered that summer at VBS, we attended gatherings. Something we'd never done before as a couple.
Well things started to change...DH and I were going through a difficult time in our marriage and I went to the ladies in my group for help. They just said "pray about it". This was a BAD situation that needed REAL help not just "prayer". After that they started to shun us. We weren't treated the same way at groups, weren't invited to parties or lunches, and they just treated us badly by their judgemental attitudes instead of doing the "Christian" thing and helping. I got sick of it and left. DH was fine with that, un-known to me at the time that he was actually thinking about leaving the religion all together. Not a single person called to see where we were, to say they were thinking about us, etc (our previous church would message us if the kids hadn't been in awhile and invite them back). Not a single pastor called to see if everything was okay. We were forgotten. Two weeks after not showing up the people on my FB from the group deleted me.
Well tonight, over three years after we left the church, I was looking through some of DH's things to see if anything needed to be thrown out/kept (major nesting going on right now). I found an unopened letter from the church dated June of 2011, a year and a half after we left, addressed to DH. I opened it, curious. I read it and just had to shake my head. It was a letter asking for a "generous donation" to their "building fund" (we live about a mile from the church and drive past it every day...what fucking new building because I haven't seen one yet????) the nex ttime we attend service.
I told DH this and he just laughed and said "wow"...this is not the first time a church in this area has done this. His family attended a small church when they first moved here ten years ago. They were very involved in several different areas, were close to the "higher ups" in the church, and gave a lot of money to them. They had some personal issues going on with the family (death, change of employement, etc) and they took a break from church for a few weeks. In that time not a single person called to ask if things were okay so MIL decided not to go back. About four months later they receive a letter from the church saying "We noticed you haven't been paying your regular tithe...please send in a check to *name of church here*"
While I know your intentions are good and most all of you are suggesting to just keep trying to find another church that is a better fit for us I'm adding since it's apparently not clear enough that DH is now an Atheist and I'm quickly following that. It's taken me longer since I was so brainwashed as a child to believe in God, but every day I get more and more fed up with the religion and entire aspect of it. I appreciate the suggestion to help "grow in faith" but when you don't believe that really just doesn't do much.