when my son gets home from school, i'm going to kill him **edit - the final showdown!**
okay, so my son has been talking to a girl all summer...but only via text and fb messenger. i thought it was cute, because he seems to really like her. he didn't see her at all over the summer...he says it's because she's always baby sitting her little brothers & sisters and she has a really strict mom.
yesterday was the 1st day of school...i asked her if he got to see her and he said "yes", but then acted like it was really no big deal
today, my dh asked me to send an email to one of his clients. while i was in his (dh's) email account, i noticed that he had pending friend requests on fb. since he (dh) never checks his fb, i went in to see who the friend requests were from. **side note** dh doesn't mind me doing this -- it's not "snooping" to him, he's okay with it since he's connected with old friends because of my checking his fb**
--okay, so i get to his fb and see a message...i check it just to make sure it's nothing important and it's from my son's girlfriend. when i read it, it's actually from her mom....mom caught them (ds and girlfriend) having phone sex and wanted to talk to us about it. she said gf would no longer be allowed to have a fb account and has talked to my son and asked him to stay away from her daughter. she added her phone number and asked that we call her. the message was dated aug 11.
i get kind of skeeved out...because who wants to think about their kid having phone sex. ew...and went to check ds's computer. when i went in to his fb account, i didn't see any phone sex messages, but did see that he is now SMOKING. i'm so disgusted and really need advice, here.
oh! and to top it all off, i just dropped my brand new phone and cracked the camera glass. grrrr.
** i should have mentioned his age. he's 16 (turned 16 in june) and she's 17
***edit*** he just texted from school to tell me one of his classes is super easy (it was one he was worried about). i responded with:
"that's good -- glad you're not worried about it anymore. you forgot to take the outside trashcan to the street. oh! and where are you getting money for cigarettes?"
he hasn't texted back. at least he will spend the day being as worried about getting in trouble as i am worried about his shenanigans.
**edit**....when he got home, he already knew he was in trouble (because of the text)...he kind of slunk in and had his head down. i knew i wouldn't talk with him in front of the other kids and without dh, so i decided to take a bath while he watched the baby and folded laundry
while we were cooking dinner, he asked if i had had a good day...i told him not really -- that i had spent the day being worried about him.
i asked why he had never told me that he had talked to the mom...he said they had never had "phone" sex & all of their sexy talk had been on fb and the girl's mom found it. she (the mom) sent ds a message that called him a "disgusting pig" and he told me he was afraid i would be crazy if i found out someone had talked to him like that. he said he responded to her with a message that let her know how much he cared about the girl and after reading it, the mom apologized to him for overreacting and is now fine with their relationship.
i told him he handled that situation really well and we talked about the dangers of putting pics and other inappropriate things on fb.
we talked about safe sex practices and he assured me they've never had real life sex (which is completely believable since they only see each other at school)
as far as smoking...he says he decided yesterday that he wouldn't smoke anymore because shakona doesn't like it. (at least she's a good influence). he also said he smokes with other boys in the bathroom at school...that they just pass around cigarettes. um...gag. i talked to him about what a nasty and addicting habit it is.
all in all, he seemed open and receptive and we have a conversation rather than me lecturing him.
i reminded him that i was not above snooping through his stuff if his behavior warranted it and i would start randomly searching his backpack looking for cigarettes, but i wouldn't read his private messages between he and shakona. i told him as long as he could act like a mature person, i would respect his privacy.
kind of anti-climactic after all the worrying i've done all day -- but i figured i would update.
thanks for listening and all the advice, ladies!!