My daughter doesn't feel like she's being "punished" because I explained to her that someone in her class can get very sick if they are around any kind of nuts. At 5 years old she understands. She asked if I could just send her with jelly or something else.
I think a lot of people get angry ONLY for the fact that they've been told they can't have something. So now they want it more. Get over yourselves people.