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What would you do if your kid was a bully? *Update pg 4*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My kid is way too young for me to worry about that (2 y.o.), but my cousin's son (9 y.o.) is this close to being the family bully.

He is disrespectful to grown ups and mean to other kids, hitting and calling them names.

She came to me for help and I'm at a loss. Anyone has some advice?

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 27, 2013 at 11:19 PM
Replies (31-40):
shimmifairy
by Bronze Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 8:22 AM
2 moms liked this

Wow, that's a hard one...She can try counseling - and should...it will take time and will be hard work but it's very worth while....but along with the couseling, there needs to be consistent discipline...she needs to be the immovable wall because kids will push until they find a way through...and keep doing it til you crumble, lol...that doesn't mean spankings - though I'm not opposed to the effective use of a pop on the butt - or time outs which don't work for every kid...but a clear set of rules/consequences clearly and consistently enforced...But it can't all be punishments...along with the consequences for breaking the rules, the rewards for following them should also be clear...It's also really important to show how to be respectful to others by being respectful yourself to the people around you...How do the parents treat each other? How do they treat their friends and family? How do they treat their kids? Are they respectful? Do they listen? Do they talk to or talk at? Is the boy acting out because he doesn't know how else to behave or does he get pleasure from being mean? 

My sister was Mom to a step son (who was 4 when she came into the picture,BM had abandonded the family and had no contact and he was 12 when her SO decided to dip his whick elswhere) who had these issues ,,,and he was affected by mental/emotional disturbances as well...this kind of consistent (and exhausting) parenting was the only thing that worked....

Good luck to your sister :)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 28, 2013 at 8:36 AM

Instead of answering one by one, here it goes.

First, thanks for all the advice. 

Second, I was sleepy and didn't realize I hadn't provided much information.

My cousin and her husband are pretty nice and polite people, and they have no problem with their other son (6 y.o.). Just with this one. They treat each other with great respect and are really nice people. The kids spend part of the day with grandma, but I don't think placing the blame there is in order, I mean, grandma is not raising then, just babysitting for 3 or 4 hours daily. And she's not one of those "you can do whatever you want"  grandmothers.

And he seems to take pleasure in hurting other kids. More than once I had to stop him from hurting my own child (2, as I said in the OP)

4Poodle
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 8:50 AM
1 mom liked this
I'd take him to an occupational therapist.
I also think bully is the wrong term here, he's definitely overly aggressive, which can be caused by several things. It's not ok, but it might be less thought-out and more of an external response to something no one else sees.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Aug. 28, 2013 at 8:59 AM

My mom thought I was on the road to becoming a bully so I put her in counseling

CotterpinDoozer
by Gold Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 9:07 AM

I admit, this made me laugh. Honestly op, a behavioral therapist if you can find one, especially if he seems to enjoy hurting others as you stated in a reply. Good luck!

Quoting bandzbandzbandz:

Teach them to yell "O'Doyle rules!" After they push people down.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Aug. 28, 2013 at 9:37 AM
1 mom liked this

 My 5 year old turned into a bully and so did another neighbor kid so we got all the kids together (this was after talking had no affect and grounded didnt help either) we put my son and the other bully in the middle of a circle and allowed the other kids to taunt and push them just as they were doing to the other kids. Then ALL the children went around the circle and told each person two things that liked about each other. Now that my son and the other bully fully understand what is like to be the one bullied we havent had a single issue. A bit extreme yes but we were out of options and for the record by push I mean a slight shove not even enough to knock them down which I don't care about because my son and the other kid had shoved other kids to the ground and laughed hysterically about it. Quite honestly I am shocked the other children didn't hall off and deck them. (of course this was all supervised by all parents of the kids)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Aug. 28, 2013 at 9:39 AM
Well sometimes its the parents fault and sometimes its the Childs but I don't know your family so I cant share whether its the parent or child. We don't have a bully in our family but we sure do have a spoiled brat who thinks the world is hers and so is everyone in it...and the worst part is that she's like that because her mom treats the family like crap and her kids act out to get her attention... It all depends on the situation and people involved
jessi2girls
by Ruby Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 9:53 AM

We have a bully in our family too (and no, 2 yo's is not too young, that's when I started to first see signs of it in my nephew!!!)..

he's 5 now.. 

I can't take him away from his grandfather on his mom's side.. the influencial source! So aside from continually repeating the rules here and showing him a more loving aspect of things, there isn't much I can do.

For those that say "beat their asses".. 1/2 the time that's what put them into bullying to begin with. 

The rest, it steps from parenting or influencial people in their lives. Such as a grandfather that likes to wrestle too much and doesn't teach boundries, etc. 

If you can find the source, and remove or change the source, you should have some luck. It will take time though.. 

jessi2girls
by Ruby Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 9:54 AM

Unless the child as a mental disorder, it's not the childs fault! And even then.. you can't blame the child for chemical imbalances like that!

Parent, yes, outside influence sometimes, yes...

the child themselves? no. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Well sometimes its the parents fault and sometimes its the Childs but I don't know your family so I cant share whether its the parent or child. We don't have a bully in our family but we sure do have a spoiled brat who thinks the world is hers and so is everyone in it...and the worst part is that she's like that because her mom treats the family like crap and her kids act out to get her attention... It all depends on the situation and people involved


mamavalor
by Gold Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 10:33 AM

Has your cousin spoken to him?  Looks like he's looking for attention, albeit the wrong method.

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