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Dh, so, hit you?! Why should I feel bad?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
A friend has a so who routinely hits her. She has a support system and a job. Yesterday the little punk hit her on the side of the head while she was driving. The police ended up I involved and escorted him to his mother's. By afternoon the friend was back with him. Of course it was because "I love him!!!". I am sorry but I can't feel bad for women who will not help themselves. This isn't someone with no resources and no where to go.

EDIT....Clearly I need to clarify some things. Yes, I have been in an abusive relationship. Yes, I had the strength and the courage to get out. I stayed for 10 years. When I left I had no parents, money, or job skills. This friend has all of those things but chooses to stay. She does not have self-esteem issues and she also hits back quite often. I am the one who called the police yesterday. The local officers know the situation well as they have been called so often. She refused to press charges once again.

I can only feel bad for someone for so long. You simply can't help those who won't help themselves.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:25 PM
Replies (201-210):
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 1:37 PM

I don't get it, I thought it was a grown man but them you said 'the little punk' and the police took him to his mother? Is this a child or a grown man?

by Anonymous 34 on Aug. 30, 2013 at 1:52 PM
1 mom liked this

well if the person contiues to be abused and refused to  press charges and is crying 'wolf' NO ONE is going to help....GET OUT  before the idiot really hurts you..thn again  you must like it if you put up with it

by Anonymous 35 on Aug. 30, 2013 at 2:00 PM

I feel heartbroken for thos women but also struggle to understand their way of thinking. I hope all women become brave enough to leave!

by Platinum Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 2:11 PM
My x and I were at home sleeping one day when the neighbor lady burst through our front door at 2am then started yelling for us to call the cops b/c her husband was beating her. I felt bad for her and wanted to help her until the cops arrived and she refused to press charges.

I didn't say it, but that just made me wonder why she would bother us in the middle of the night and bother the cops. Another time, she and her d.h. were drunk and fighting and x.h. tried to help her by driving her to a hotel. She puked in our car and then tried to kiss my x.h. I had trouble feeling sorry for her after that.
by Silver Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 2:13 PM
How sad...
by Ruby Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 2:14 PM
I've quoted you already and my offer still remains. You do not have to stay and can get out. Is he army? If so have you gone to CID?

Quoting Anonymous:

A year ago I was out the door, he used CPS and his career to screw me so I can't leave. I can't leave the kids alone with him. He broke bones, was removed from the house by the MPs and CPS still said I was the abuser and that if I ever called the cops in him again I would be remove from the house and they would pursue stripping me of my rights. I pushed him away from our son, he cracked three ribs, broke my collarbone and eye socket, and my daughters father heard the whole thing and called the MPs. Two days later I was released from the hospital and forced to let him back in the house.

But he's a military member, he couldn't possibly be abusing his wife and kids. After that I don't see a way out. HE called CPS because he wasn't about to let me leave, ad in that he's charming and a really really good liar I'm SOL. Was never charged with anything, anything they could find was inadmissable in court or looked bad on him. So they basically said I'm depressed and overwhelmed, and that my ability to work is questionable.

Quoting Anonymous:

You aren't defeated. You are a woman and mom. There are many shelters and other resources to help you get out. It takes a lot of strength, and I wont lie, it isn't easy. I got up the courage when I realized my ds was mimicing horrible things his father said. When my ex locked me in room with my kids screaming for me something in my mind finally broke free. I began planning and left. I had nothing. The kids and I lived in an awful, nasty apartment. I drove a clunker, and I worked as a waitress to supoort us. It was the best, scariest decision I have ever made.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have three kids under 5. My daughters father, my aunt, and one of my friends are telling me to leave but can't or won't help me. I'm 25 with few job skills, have already tried to leave twice, and that is the extent of my support system. I've been abused all my life, I'm numb to it anymore. I just don't want to see my kids go through the same thing. Mine is military, and he used that to completely screw me over a year ago.

I never thought this would be me. I fought back and left my ex fiance 7 years ago, but now? I'm just completely defeated.

Quoting Anonymous:

I stayed for 10 years. My ex was in law enforcement, I was a sahm, we had very young kids, and my parents were deceased. My ex told me all the time I was worthless, no man would want me, etc. I stayed until I realized our son was starting to mimic my ex. My ex told our dd that she couldn't do things her brother did because she was a girl. I plotted and planned for a year to get out. I left with my kids and a duffel bag of clothes for us. I know what it is like to have to start over with nothing. I know the courage it took for me to get out.

However, not every situation is like that. The friend has family. She has a job. She has a son who is becoming violent. She also hits back. The police have gotten to the point of not wanting to help because they have been called so often.

Quoting Anonymous:

I've been with my abuser for 4 years. I want to leave, but I'll never manage to pull it off.

You have no idea what its like. You've likely never been there.
by Ruby Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 2:15 PM

I have to deal with this with my stepdaughter. And the idiot just let him get her pregnant. AGAIN. Wtf? 

by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 3:34 PM

Coming from a person who was the child in a domestic abuse situation that lasted 11 years, she's wasting police resources.  My father beat the ever living Hell out of my mother their entire marriage, but she felt she could not leave him because she couldn't afford to with three kids (one of which is handicapped), so she stayed.  Finally, he threatened to kill her in front of my older sister and we left while he was at work one day.  She never called the police, but we still spent the next seven years fighting him in court.  He wouldn't sign the divorce papers so it took a year for the divorce to finalize.  Then he fought her for custody of my sisters and I, and then when he won custody, he told the judge he "didn't want custody" he just wanted to make my mom "waste her money on court".  He's a CPA with a master's degree and she just has a bachelor's degree in business so he makes about twice what she does.  Court costs were a joke to him.  I understand why my mom felt she needed to stay.  Because of my dad my sisters and I had everything we could possibly want, but material possessions cannot make up the emotional stress we went through watching him physically and mentally abuse our mother and then he went on to abuse us after they divorced until finally his second wife told him he either had to give up the fight with us and our mother or she was divorcing him.  He beat her up too and they did divorce.  She filed a police report my mother has a copy of in case my father decided to take us back to court before we all turned 18, but his second wife not only remarried him, she remarried him under the civil law where they cannot get divorce until there are extreme circumstances.  I forgot the name of the marriage agreement, but he can literally rape her daughters (she has two from a previous relationship and they have a son together) and all she can do is separate from him, even if he goes to jail.  Then they have to have visits (yep, the girls that were raped too) and go to counselling for a year, and then the COUNSELOR gets to decide if they can get a divorce.  WHO THE FUCK WOULD EVER GET MARRIED UNDER THAT?  especially if you were already being abused?  I think he gave her brain damage when he gave her that concussion.  Either way, I attempt to understand why people stay in abusive relationships, but I think if they are going to risk their lives they should not involve the police unless they are not going back and if they have kids, they should give them to family where they will be physically adn emotionally cared for.

by Anonymous 36 on Aug. 30, 2013 at 4:00 PM

 Ok. Growing up, my dad used to grab my arms so hard that it left bruises in the shape of fingers.  He used to jab his finger into my chest while he was yelling at me and leave bruises on my sternum.  Went he "sent me to my room" it was by picking me up an throwing me on my bed.  When my was young my mom used to throw things at me when she was angry, she has slapped me and chased me up the steps and choked me.  My stepdad used to drag me up the stairs by my hair.

These are also the people who tucked me in at night, told me they loved me every day, took me to do fun things, made sure I always had a roof over my head, food in my belly, and did silly things to make me smile.  They clapped for me at band concerts, cheered me on at elementary school field day and tirelessly lugged my horses from show to show so that I could do what I loved.  These people, perhaps unknowingly, instilled a very very deepseated belief in me that LOVE and VIOLENCE can coexist.

My husband and I get into violent physical fights sometimes.  Not when the kids are around.  We've been this way for years.... people wonder why we stay. We stay because we truly love each other.  You can HIT and BE HIT by someone you truly love and who truly loves you. You stay because you love them so much that the pain of leaving is worse than the pain of staying. 

by Anonymous 37 on Aug. 30, 2013 at 4:02 PM
Yeah. After awhile people get tired of dealing with it and hearing about it. I'd ignore her from now on.
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