Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Dh, so, hit you?! Why should I feel bad?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
A friend has a so who routinely hits her. She has a support system and a job. Yesterday the little punk hit her on the side of the head while she was driving. The police ended up I involved and escorted him to his mother's. By afternoon the friend was back with him. Of course it was because "I love him!!!". I am sorry but I can't feel bad for women who will not help themselves. This isn't someone with no resources and no where to go.

EDIT....Clearly I need to clarify some things. Yes, I have been in an abusive relationship. Yes, I had the strength and the courage to get out. I stayed for 10 years. When I left I had no parents, money, or job skills. This friend has all of those things but chooses to stay. She does not have self-esteem issues and she also hits back quite often. I am the one who called the police yesterday. The local officers know the situation well as they have been called so often. She refused to press charges once again.

I can only feel bad for someone for so long. You simply can't help those who won't help themselves.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:25 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:34 PM
4 moms liked this

 These comments are made by those who don't understand, and that is a good thing.  But bc you (general you) don't understand you tend to bash abused women.

Things do change for awhile & you get sucked back in.  But at the same time you believe you deserved it, that it was your fault, that you can never get away, that nobody will ever want you, that you NEED him, that you can't make it w/o him.

All those things the abuser makes you believe and you don't even realize what is happening until it is to late.

Quoting i_am_no_1:

I agree to a point.

I think if it happens more than twice, the woman should realize it's not changing.


 

Qmama206
by Platinum Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:35 PM
That man is pathetic
camocountrymom
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:37 PM
Well you don't sweetie! No one deserves to be hit or beat. Ever!


Quoting Anonymous:

 We do not allow it to happen, we believe we deserve it.




Quoting camocountrymom:

I agree. If you (generally speaking) allow it to happen, I'm nit gonna feel sorry for you.
I have a friend whose dh hits her occasionally. At the begintof the summer she left him and stayed with me for 3 months the out of the blue calls me at work and tells me she's going back. I swear she has Stockholm syndrome.



 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:39 PM
2 moms liked this

 I know that now.

8yrs later, a kid and having teeth knocked out (I haven't been w/him for years & I've been happily married for 10yrs now as well).  But I still suffer from some of the things he drilled into my brain.  Emotional/mental abuse is hard to get over, bruises fade what you were basically trained to believe tend to never go away.

But I did not allow it to happen.

Quoting camocountrymom:

Well you don't sweetie! No one deserves to be hit or beat. Ever!


Quoting Anonymous:

 We do not allow it to happen, we believe we deserve it.


 


Quoting camocountrymom:

I agree. If you (generally speaking) allow it to happen, I'm nit gonna feel sorry for you.
I have a friend whose dh hits her occasionally. At the begintof the summer she left him and stayed with me for 3 months the out of the blue calls me at work and tells me she's going back. I swear she has Stockholm syndrome.

 


 


 

 

Melissa_4
by Ruby Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:39 PM

I have to agree.  Granted, there are indeed many abused women who's men have systematically taken every resource away from them.  They have been moved many miles from their families, have no vehicle, are SAHMs with young children, and depend on their man for every dime they have.  Those are the abused women who have very little chance of getting out.  The women like OP's friend that has a job, has family and friends close by who tolerates that kind of abuse and disrespect is an idiot for putting up with it.

i_am_no_1
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:40 PM

 

No, honey, I completely understand. 

I know how the cycle works. I didn't learn after it happening twice, but looking back I should have.

I am not bashing abused women at all. I just don't think sympathy is always the way to go. You can't get out of an abusive relationship until YOU are ready. It doesn't matter how much support you have.

Quoting Anonymous:

 These comments are made by those who don't understand, and that is a good thing.  But bc you (general you) don't understand you tend to bash abused women.

Things do change for awhile & you get sucked back in.  But at the same time you believe you deserved it, that it was your fault, that you can never get away, that nobody will ever want you, that you NEED him, that you can't make it w/o him.

All those things the abuser makes you believe and you don't even realize what is happening until it is to late.

Quoting i_am_no_1:

I agree to a point.

I think if it happens more than twice, the woman should realize it's not changing.

 

 


 

LilliesValley
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:41 PM
They would no longer be my friend. I'd try to help them leave but at some point you just can't go on watching someone hurt themselves. It's the same with an addict, your friend is just addicted to this guy.
flcowgrl23
by Platinum Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:42 PM

Says anon.

I used to get the crap kicked out of me, and while I had nowhere to go I LEFT and didn't go back.  I slept on a freaking playground for a week before I found a place to stay.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh goody someone else that has no clue what they are talking about spewing shit out anyway!


paulswifey11
by TashaL on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:42 PM
Hopefully you will never have to understand. It's not a good thing to have to understand. However I am glad you are not my friend.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:43 PM

 I will always have sympathy, doesn't mean there aren't other ways to help.

Also, women bash abused women & that is not ok.

Again, when I said you I made sure to put (general you) for a reason.


Quoting i_am_no_1:

 

No, honey, I completely understand. 

I know how the cycle works. I didn't learn after it happening twice, but looking back I should have.

I am not bashing abused women at all. I just don't think sympathy is always the way to go. You can't get out of an abusive relationship until YOU are ready. It doesn't matter how much support you have.

Quoting Anonymous:

 These comments are made by those who don't understand, and that is a good thing.  But bc you (general you) don't understand you tend to bash abused women.

Things do change for awhile & you get sucked back in.  But at the same time you believe you deserved it, that it was your fault, that you can never get away, that nobody will ever want you, that you NEED him, that you can't make it w/o him.

All those things the abuser makes you believe and you don't even realize what is happening until it is to late.

Quoting i_am_no_1:

I agree to a point.

I think if it happens more than twice, the woman should realize it's not changing.

 

 

 

 


 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)