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Dh, so, hit you?! Why should I feel bad?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
A friend has a so who routinely hits her. She has a support system and a job. Yesterday the little punk hit her on the side of the head while she was driving. The police ended up I involved and escorted him to his mother's. By afternoon the friend was back with him. Of course it was because "I love him!!!". I am sorry but I can't feel bad for women who will not help themselves. This isn't someone with no resources and no where to go.

EDIT....Clearly I need to clarify some things. Yes, I have been in an abusive relationship. Yes, I had the strength and the courage to get out. I stayed for 10 years. When I left I had no parents, money, or job skills. This friend has all of those things but chooses to stay. She does not have self-esteem issues and she also hits back quite often. I am the one who called the police yesterday. The local officers know the situation well as they have been called so often. She refused to press charges once again.

I can only feel bad for someone for so long. You simply can't help those who won't help themselves.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:25 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:43 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm of an unpopular belief... I married very young and my husband came from a very abusive family, it's all he knew! He is not a bad person, and I certainly do not have a low self worth. Our first few years were terrible (thankfully children came later). We worked these things out and after a couple of years my husband matured and learned how to cope with stress and we have a good relationship! My husband hasn't laid a hand on me in years, and we are coming up on 10 years of marriage. Honestly, every family is different, some people do change! You really need to mind your own business unless she is truely in danger. It is hard to throw away your relationship over one argument! Sometimes it's best but other times things can be overcome!
paulswifey11
by TashaL on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:44 PM
Just because an abused woman isn't ready to leave doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve not need support.

Quoting i_am_no_1:

 


No, honey, I completely understand. 


I know how the cycle works. I didn't learn after it happening twice, but looking back I should have.


I am not bashing abused women at all. I just don't think sympathy is always the way to go. You can't get out of an abusive relationship until YOU are ready. It doesn't matter how much support you have.


Quoting Anonymous:


 These comments are made by those who don't understand, and that is a good thing.  But bc you (general you) don't understand you tend to bash abused women.


Things do change for awhile & you get sucked back in.  But at the same time you believe you deserved it, that it was your fault, that you can never get away, that nobody will ever want you, that you NEED him, that you can't make it w/o him.


All those things the abuser makes you believe and you don't even realize what is happening until it is to late.


Quoting i_am_no_1:


I agree to a point.


I think if it happens more than twice, the woman should realize it's not changing.


 


 




 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:44 PM

no, that's someone who seriously needs some psychological counseling, and until she gets it, she may never see the error of her ways

i_am_no_1
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:44 PM

I understand, I just don't want you to think I'm being mean when I'm not trying to be. 


Quoting Anonymous:

 I will always have sympathy, doesn't mean there aren't other ways to help.

Also, women bash abused women & that is not ok.

Again, when I said you I made sure to put (general you) for a reason.

 

Quoting i_am_no_1:

 

No, honey, I completely understand. 

I know how the cycle works. I didn't learn after it happening twice, but looking back I should have.

I am not bashing abused women at all. I just don't think sympathy is always the way to go. You can't get out of an abusive relationship until YOU are ready. It doesn't matter how much support you have.

Quoting Anonymous:

 These comments are made by those who don't understand, and that is a good thing.  But bc you (general you) don't understand you tend to bash abused women.

Things do change for awhile & you get sucked back in.  But at the same time you believe you deserved it, that it was your fault, that you can never get away, that nobody will ever want you, that you NEED him, that you can't make it w/o him.

All those things the abuser makes you believe and you don't even realize what is happening until it is to late.

Quoting i_am_no_1:

I agree to a point.

I think if it happens more than twice, the woman should realize it's not changing.

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:46 PM
1 mom liked this

 People need to shut it about the anon crap.  I am anon bc my crazy ex MIL comes on here, her son has no idea where I am or he will come after me again.  So suck it up w/the dumbass anon button doesn't make someone's opinion less than your's.

Oh & good for you, proud of you.  We aren't robots & abuse is different for everyone.  Maybe your abuse was less emotional/mental.  You still stayed for a bit at least.  Did you have a child? Did you have your child sleeping in the playground as well?  Some abusers will go after you and WIN CUSTODY bc of that, that is drilled into many.

I think it is hilarious when people think everyone should be the exact same.


Quoting flcowgrl23:

Says anon.

I used to get the crap kicked out of me, and while I had nowhere to go I LEFT and didn't go back.  I slept on a freaking playground for a week before I found a place to stay.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh goody someone else that has no clue what they are talking about spewing shit out anyway!



 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:47 PM

In that case, I agree with you. This doesn't sound like a case where the woman doesn't have a way out.

mmtosam06
by Platinum Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:49 PM
It takes an abused person generally 7-10x to leave an abuser
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
camocountrymom
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:49 PM
Well I'm glad to hear you got out of it.


Quoting Anonymous:

 I know that now.


8yrs later, a kid and having teeth knocked out (I haven't been w/him for years & I've been happily married for 10yrs now as well).  But I still suffer from some of the things he drilled into my brain.  Emotional/mental abuse is hard to get over, bruises fade what you were basically trained to believe tend to never go away.


But I did not allow it to happen.


Quoting camocountrymom:

Well you don't sweetie! No one deserves to be hit or beat. Ever!



Quoting Anonymous:


 We do not allow it to happen, we believe we deserve it.



 



Quoting camocountrymom:

I agree. If you (generally speaking) allow it to happen, I'm nit gonna feel sorry for you.
I have a friend whose dh hits her occasionally. At the begintof the summer she left him and stayed with me for 3 months the out of the blue calls me at work and tells me she's going back. I swear she has Stockholm syndrome.


 



 



 


 


Derari
by :::Achtung::: on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:50 PM

Battered women don't exactly thnk the same as other women. I'm sure it takes a lot of support for them to understand leaving the situation is for the best.

Quoting camocountrymom:

I agree. If you (generally speaking) allow it to happen, I'm not gonna feel sorry for you.
I have a friend whose dh hits her occasionally. At the beginning of the summer she left him and stayed with me for 3 months the out of the blue calls me at work and tells me she's going back. I swear she has Stockholm syndrome.


"I like that about the Republicans; the evidence does not faze them, they are not bothered at all by the facts"  PresidentWilliam J. Clinton

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:50 PM
1 mom liked this

 Just bc she has a way out doesn't mean she feels she can get out.

Again, many battered women believe; are made to believe; they deserve what they are getting, that nobody but the abuser loves them (making sure she thinks nobody will help her); that nobody will believe her (making sure she feels there is no point confiding in anyone), that if she leaves he will find her & kill her, that if she leaves she can not make it on her own, that if she leaves nobody else will ever want her.  The list can go on.

Having a way out doesn't make leaving easy.


Quoting Anonymous:

In that case, I agree with you. This doesn't sound like a case where the woman doesn't have a way out.


 

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