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Dh, so, hit you?! Why should I feel bad?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
A friend has a so who routinely hits her. She has a support system and a job. Yesterday the little punk hit her on the side of the head while she was driving. The police ended up I involved and escorted him to his mother's. By afternoon the friend was back with him. Of course it was because "I love him!!!". I am sorry but I can't feel bad for women who will not help themselves. This isn't someone with no resources and no where to go.

EDIT....Clearly I need to clarify some things. Yes, I have been in an abusive relationship. Yes, I had the strength and the courage to get out. I stayed for 10 years. When I left I had no parents, money, or job skills. This friend has all of those things but chooses to stay. She does not have self-esteem issues and she also hits back quite often. I am the one who called the police yesterday. The local officers know the situation well as they have been called so often. She refused to press charges once again.

I can only feel bad for someone for so long. You simply can't help those who won't help themselves.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:25 PM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:51 PM
2 moms liked this

Seriously, you have no idea how hard it can be to get away -- physically or mentally.

flcowgrl23
by Platinum Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:52 PM

idc why you're anon.

I got beat twice.  The first time, I thought it was my fault and wasn't all that bad.  The second time I was left for dead, in a cornfield, in a strange state, with a broken hand and face.  He came back for me but by then I was gone.  I was a missing person for a year after that.  I did have a child but he wasn't with me at the time, he was safe with my mother.  I was a teenager. 

No one said anything about being the same, but YOU said "Oh goody someone else that has no clue what they are talking about spewing shit out anyway!".

You don't know what you're talking about either.  You aren't the person in the situation.

Quoting Anonymous:

 People need to shut it about the anon crap.  I am anon bc my crazy ex MIL comes on here, her son has no idea where I am or he will come after me again.  So suck it up w/the dumbass anon button doesn't make someone's opinion less than your's.

Oh & good for you, proud of you.  We aren't robots & abuse is different for everyone.  Maybe your abuse was less emotional/mental.  You still stayed for a bit at least.  Did you have a child? Did you have your child sleeping in the playground as well?  Some abusers will go after you and WIN CUSTODY bc of that, that is drilled into many.

I think it is hilarious when people think everyone should be the exact same.


Quoting flcowgrl23:

Says anon.

I used to get the crap kicked out of me, and while I had nowhere to go I LEFT and didn't go back.  I slept on a freaking playground for a week before I found a place to stay.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh goody someone else that has no clue what they are talking about spewing shit out anyway!





Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:54 PM
1 mom liked this

 Thank you.

I work w/battered women now & until you live the struggle or until someone really wants to open up their mind about these situations people will not understand.

Sadly to many people bash abused women.  I heard many times how weak I was for "allowing" it to happen, definitely didn't make it easier to leave.  I heard from him how weak I was & the outside world, helped drive home that I was weak.

I still struggle w/feeling weak bc I suffer from anxiety, for me the mental abuse was far worse than the physical.


Quoting camocountrymom:

Well I'm glad to hear you got out of it.


Quoting Anonymous:

 I know that now.


8yrs later, a kid and having teeth knocked out (I haven't been w/him for years & I've been happily married for 10yrs now as well).  But I still suffer from some of the things he drilled into my brain.  Emotional/mental abuse is hard to get over, bruises fade what you were basically trained to believe tend to never go away.


But I did not allow it to happen.


Quoting camocountrymom:

Well you don't sweetie! No one deserves to be hit or beat. Ever!



Quoting Anonymous:


 We do not allow it to happen, we believe we deserve it.



 



Quoting camocountrymom:

I agree. If you (generally speaking) allow it to happen, I'm nit gonna feel sorry for you.
I have a friend whose dh hits her occasionally. At the begintof the summer she left him and stayed with me for 3 months the out of the blue calls me at work and tells me she's going back. I swear she has Stockholm syndrome.


 



 



 


 



 

kaylamom2004
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:56 PM

I'm right there with you. I had a friend who stayed with her husband who was beating her. He hit her in the back of the head HARD while she was driving with their infant in the car, would call her names to the point their 2 yr old called her Bitch not Mom .... I offered her a place to stay & even got cops involved myself but she always stayed with him and/or claimed nothing happened when cops arrived.

At some point, you kind of just have to say they get what they get & not feel bad for them anymore.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:57 PM
1 mom liked this

 No actually I didn't say that the other anon did.

I don't care if you care about why someone is anon, but if you don't care then there should be no reason to bring up the whole anon thing.

But you don't know what you are talking about since you basically made it sound like it is so easy to just leave. So yeah like I said we aren't all the same.  I'm glad he didn't groom you enough to believe you had to stay.


Quoting flcowgrl23:

idc why you're anon.

I got beat twice.  The first time, I thought it was my fault and wasn't all that bad.  The second time I was left for dead, in a cornfield, in a strange state, with a broken hand and face.  He came back for me but by then I was gone.  I was a missing person for a year after that.  I did have a child but he wasn't with me at the time, he was safe with my mother.  I was a teenager. 

No one said anything about being the same, but YOU said "Oh goody someone else that has no clue what they are talking about spewing shit out anyway!".

You don't know what you're talking about either.  You aren't the person in the situation.

Quoting Anonymous:

 People need to shut it about the anon crap.  I am anon bc my crazy ex MIL comes on here, her son has no idea where I am or he will come after me again.  So suck it up w/the dumbass anon button doesn't make someone's opinion less than your's.

Oh & good for you, proud of you.  We aren't robots & abuse is different for everyone.  Maybe your abuse was less emotional/mental.  You still stayed for a bit at least.  Did you have a child? Did you have your child sleeping in the playground as well?  Some abusers will go after you and WIN CUSTODY bc of that, that is drilled into many.

I think it is hilarious when people think everyone should be the exact same.

 

Quoting flcowgrl23:

Says anon.

I used to get the crap kicked out of me, and while I had nowhere to go I LEFT and didn't go back.  I slept on a freaking playground for a week before I found a place to stay.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh goody someone else that has no clue what they are talking about spewing shit out anyway!


 

 



 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:58 PM
1 mom liked this

 How disgusting, they get what they get.  How do you not feel bad for someone w/such a low self esteem who believes she deserves what she is getting?

How awful.


Quoting kaylamom2004:

I'm right there with you. I had a friend who stayed with her husband who was beating her. He hit her in the back of the head HARD while she was driving with their infant in the car, would call her names to the point their 2 yr old called her Bitch not Mom .... I offered her a place to stay & even got cops involved myself but she always stayed with him and/or claimed nothing happened when cops arrived.

At some point, you kind of just have to say they get what they get & not feel bad for them anymore.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:59 PM

I agree but at least she has an option to leave if she needs to.  I was one of those women that had nowhere else to go.


Quoting Anonymous:

 Just bc she has a way out doesn't mean she feels she can get out.

Again, many battered women believe; are made to believe; they deserve what they are getting, that nobody but the abuser loves them (making sure she thinks nobody will help her); that nobody will believe her (making sure she feels there is no point confiding in anyone), that if she leaves he will find her & kill her, that if she leaves she can not make it on her own, that if she leaves nobody else will ever want her.  The list can go on.

Having a way out doesn't make leaving easy.


Quoting Anonymous:

In that case, I agree with you. This doesn't sound like a case where the woman doesn't have a way out.





Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:59 PM
1 mom liked this

Until you live it people should keep their mouths quiet.

Go work at a battered woman's shelter, open your mind, you may learn something.

JDmommyJD
by the sauce is boss on Aug. 29, 2013 at 2:00 PM
2 moms liked this
They are broken. I feel bad for them. I feel bad they can't see past "him". I feel bad they don't feel they deserve better. I feel bad they can't see the brainwashing that has been done. And i truly feel bad they don't know what love is. It is easy,op, to judge from the outside.
flcowgrl23
by Platinum Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 2:00 PM

THIS is exactly why I can't stand people using anon. 

Quoting Anonymous:

 No actually I didn't say that the other anon did.

I don't care if you care about why someone is anon, but if you don't care then there should be no reason to bring up the whole anon thing.

But you don't know what you are talking about since you basically made it sound like it is so easy to just leave. So yeah like I said we aren't all the same.  I'm glad he didn't groom you enough to believe you had to stay.


Quoting flcowgrl23:

idc why you're anon.

I got beat twice.  The first time, I thought it was my fault and wasn't all that bad.  The second time I was left for dead, in a cornfield, in a strange state, with a broken hand and face.  He came back for me but by then I was gone.  I was a missing person for a year after that.  I did have a child but he wasn't with me at the time, he was safe with my mother.  I was a teenager. 

No one said anything about being the same, but YOU said "Oh goody someone else that has no clue what they are talking about spewing shit out anyway!".

You don't know what you're talking about either.  You aren't the person in the situation.

Quoting Anonymous:

 People need to shut it about the anon crap.  I am anon bc my crazy ex MIL comes on here, her son has no idea where I am or he will come after me again.  So suck it up w/the dumbass anon button doesn't make someone's opinion less than your's.

Oh & good for you, proud of you.  We aren't robots & abuse is different for everyone.  Maybe your abuse was less emotional/mental.  You still stayed for a bit at least.  Did you have a child? Did you have your child sleeping in the playground as well?  Some abusers will go after you and WIN CUSTODY bc of that, that is drilled into many.

I think it is hilarious when people think everyone should be the exact same.


Quoting flcowgrl23:

Says anon.

I used to get the crap kicked out of me, and while I had nowhere to go I LEFT and didn't go back.  I slept on a freaking playground for a week before I found a place to stay.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh goody someone else that has no clue what they are talking about spewing shit out anyway!








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