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What would you do?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies

 

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Question: Have you ever caught your child in a lie?

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Haven't caught them but know they lied


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Total Votes: 30

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Sorry if this is a bit long but could really use some help.

OK my 14 year old step daughter just started high school. She has a strict rule of come home right after school to your homework or at least check in, unless she ask the night before to do something after school.

Well yesterday we let her go to the field hockey practice to see if she can get on the team since she wants to do a sport and she picked that one. When we picked her up she told us how much fun it was and that they had practice today after school till 5pm. So we told her she could go to the practice and we would pick her up afterwards. Well at 4pm I wanted to go watch her practice thought it would be fun to finally see her doing a sport and her dad wanted a picture of her to show his mother. I drive around the fields looking for the field hockey team......can't find them. So while driving around I finally see her sitting near an empty field with a boy.

Now she told us she would be practicing with the field hockey team today, clearly there was no field hockey team there and she knows we have a strict rule that she needs to come home right after school unless told otherwise.

So I drove up to her (after calling her father to ask what he wanted me to do and he wanted me to get her right away). Her face dropped, and she got in the car. As we're driving home shes yelling at me that I didnt need to do that and that she wasn't lying to us and that I didn't have to tell her father, so I grounded her for yelling and lying. Her father did the same things and had a LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG talk with her about how wrong it is to lie to us and everything.

We grounded her and took her cell phone away (so she cant play around on it) and her father told her we will think of a proper punishment for her actions. Only now we are trying to figure what a proper punishment would be. It's only the second day of school and she's already lying to us about what shes doing and we feel like we can't trust her. We're so disappointed in her and hurt that she would lie to us and break the house rules, after we told her we were going to be giving her more freedoms once she showed us how responsible she could be as a high schooler.

How should we punish her and for how long?

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 29, 2013 at 9:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LilliesValley
by Ruby Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 9:23 PM
1 mom liked this

No after school activities for a month. She does what she's supposed to in that month then she can start doing stuff again. If that means no field hockey, well life is about choices and consequences. She has to work to regain trust, so she will be punished and then she'll have time to re-earn that trust. She will know now that you can/will check up on her and hopefully that will motivate her too.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 29, 2013 at 9:26 PM
Pick her up from school everyday and embarrass her while you're there, if possible.
theresa13183
by Platinum Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 9:30 PM

this...but i warn you to tread carefully 

i admit i did things like that when i was younger just because i was embarrassed to tell my mom i wanted to talk to a boy after school and it seemed that the harder she held on and the more she tried to punish and keep me from exploring boys and being on my own the more i rebelled...i ended up a drinking smoking toking teenager..(i kept my virginity until 17 but for my group of friends that was strange)

i'm not saying she will end up like that at all and she should def. be punished for lying but maybe tell her there is nothing wrong with talking to boys and that she should be upfront about it...that you wont judge her and its not a big deal


Quoting LilliesValley:

No after school activities for a month. She does what she's supposed to in that month then she can start doing stuff again. If that means no field hockey, well life is about choices and consequences. She has to work to regain trust, so she will be punished and then she'll have time to re-earn that trust. She will know now that you can/will check up on her and hopefully that will motivate her too.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 29, 2013 at 9:36 PM

I've had talks with her before school started about boys and that she could start dating now that shes in high school but that she had to be upfront about it. Also told her she didnt have to have that talk with her father but she had to at least talk with me so that I could help her out and that way she wouldnt get in trouble. But she still did this. We really don't know what to do with her anymore.  


Quoting theresa13183:

this...but i warn you to tread carefully 

i admit i did things like that when i was younger just because i was embarrassed to tell my mom i wanted to talk to a boy after school and it seemed that the harder she held on and the more she tried to punish and keep me from exploring boys and being on my own the more i rebelled...i ended up a drinking smoking toking teenager..(i kept my virginity until 17 but for my group of friends that was strange)

i'm not saying she will end up like that at all and she should def. be punished for lying but maybe tell her there is nothing wrong with talking to boys and that she should be upfront about it...that you wont judge her and its not a big deal

 

Quoting LilliesValley:

No after school activities for a month. She does what she's supposed to in that month then she can start doing stuff again. If that means no field hockey, well life is about choices and consequences. She has to work to regain trust, so she will be punished and then she'll have time to re-earn that trust. She will know now that you can/will check up on her and hopefully that will motivate her too.

 

 


 

theresa13183
by Platinum Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 9:41 PM
1 mom liked this

well then you did everything you could and its best to shorten her leash now before things get out of control....and i think the fact that she was angry when you showed up instead of acting like she got caught doing something wrong says alot

my mom always treated it as if dating was wrong and i shouldnt talk to boys until i was 'older' 

apparently my sister was wild so she was trying to spare me of being like that around boys but ended up doing the opposite instead of teaching me how to be mature with dating

if it is at all possible i'd say def. start being a hovercraft mom..start taking her to and from school (if you dont already) and if she is going to do sports then you have to be there whether she likes it or not until she can be trusted..make sure she knows that mom will find out if she does something wrong so dont do anything wrong....talking to her teachers might help so they can tell you how she acts when you cant be around and make sure she has good friends not ones that will pressure her to lie and get with a boy


Quoting Anonymous:

I've had talks with her before school started about boys and that she could start dating now that shes in high school but that she had to be upfront about it. Also told her she didnt have to have that talk with her father but she had to at least talk with me so that I could help her out and that way she wouldnt get in trouble. But she still did this. We really don't know what to do with her anymore.  


Quoting theresa13183:

this...but i warn you to tread carefully 

i admit i did things like that when i was younger just because i was embarrassed to tell my mom i wanted to talk to a boy after school and it seemed that the harder she held on and the more she tried to punish and keep me from exploring boys and being on my own the more i rebelled...i ended up a drinking smoking toking teenager..(i kept my virginity until 17 but for my group of friends that was strange)

i'm not saying she will end up like that at all and she should def. be punished for lying but maybe tell her there is nothing wrong with talking to boys and that she should be upfront about it...that you wont judge her and its not a big deal


Quoting LilliesValley:

No after school activities for a month. She does what she's supposed to in that month then she can start doing stuff again. If that means no field hockey, well life is about choices and consequences. She has to work to regain trust, so she will be punished and then she'll have time to re-earn that trust. She will know now that you can/will check up on her and hopefully that will motivate her too.







Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 29, 2013 at 9:44 PM
Ground her a week for lying, then suggest that she has some sort of "date" with this boy. Whatever kind if date you deem appropriate. Even encourage it so that she gets that it's not about the boy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 29, 2013 at 9:45 PM



Quoting LilliesValley:

No after school activities for a month. She does what she's supposed to in that month then she can start doing stuff again. If that means no field hockey, well life is about choices and consequences. She has to work to regain trust, so she will be punished and then she'll have time to re-earn that trust. She will know now that you can/will check up on her and hopefully that will motivate her too.


this. not to mention if *God forbid* something had happened to her at 315, and you didnt know that she was missing for 2 hours, that would have given a perp a good 2 hour head start on the cops:( very dangerous situation

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 29, 2013 at 9:55 PM

Dad did tell her something along the lines of what would of happened to you and we didnt know cause you werent where you belonged and told us you would be. And she started yelling that we should let her take her cell phone to school then, which we wont let her do. She has lost 3 cell phones in 2 years and broke 5 chargers and lost 2 MP3 players this year alone. She's horrible at taking care of these kinds of things and we are sick of buying her things only to break or lose them.  


Quoting Anonymous:

 

Quoting LilliesValley:

No after school activities for a month. She does what she's supposed to in that month then she can start doing stuff again. If that means no field hockey, well life is about choices and consequences. She has to work to regain trust, so she will be punished and then she'll have time to re-earn that trust. She will know now that you can/will check up on her and hopefully that will motivate her too.

 

this. not to mention if *God forbid* something had happened to her at 315, and you didnt know that she was missing for 2 hours, that would have given a perp a good 2 hour head start on the cops:( very dangerous situation


 

thejodigirl
by Platinum Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 9:58 PM

I agree with this. The way I'm trying to handle it with DD12 is similar. I tell her "we can do this the easy way or the hard way, it's up to you." The easy way is being upfront and legit always, but understand when it's "no" it means no.. The hard way would be to lie, get grounded and not be able to shit.


Quoting theresa13183:

this...but i warn you to tread carefully 

i admit i did things like that when i was younger just because i was embarrassed to tell my mom i wanted to talk to a boy after school and it seemed that the harder she held on and the more she tried to punish and keep me from exploring boys and being on my own the more i rebelled...i ended up a drinking smoking toking teenager..(i kept my virginity until 17 but for my group of friends that was strange)

i'm not saying she will end up like that at all and she should def. be punished for lying but maybe tell her there is nothing wrong with talking to boys and that she should be upfront about it...that you wont judge her and its not a big deal


Quoting LilliesValley:

No after school activities for a month. She does what she's supposed to in that month then she can start doing stuff again. If that means no field hockey, well life is about choices and consequences. She has to work to regain trust, so she will be punished and then she'll have time to re-earn that trust. She will know now that you can/will check up on her and hopefully that will motivate her too.





svolkov
by Emerald Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 10:35 PM
Id say two week probation. She is testing her limits and independence. In that two weeks if she lies or screws up once its a full month of actual grounding. If she proves that this was a fluke and she will b more responsible then no grounding.
I firmly believe if your kids dont hate you at some point you arent doing your job lol
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