Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

About to go insane! So sick of DH getting mad at me over money.

Posted by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:16 PM
  • 20 Replies

DH and I have separate accounts.  I chose to do this because I do not trust DH with money, and he is VERY controlling about it.  Even though he is awful with it!  It's like "I MUST MAKE THESE BAD DECISIONS AND YOU'LL LIKE IT."

We both work, keep what we make and all of that.  I run a business and take home roughly about $4,500 a month.  Dh works as a custodian at the local Elementary school, he brings in roughly $1,150 a month. This is rough.  Dh works on salary, so his never changes.  Mine, however, could be 8k one month or 1k the next. 

Our household expenses come to right at $1,400 a month give or take. We budget with groceries and all that, but usually we do just fine.   I always put at least $1k into savings and then the rest is used for whatever we use at our discretion.

My DH has 2 children (my steps).  I am MUCH better at budgeting and all that, so all of their needs and care come out of my paycheck.  Clothes, school supplies, atheletic fees, birthday parties, health insurance, etc.  Dh will flip a tizzy if I tell him NO SD can't use the same notebooks from last year for school this year. He is VERY cheap, unless it's something HE wants.   So rather than argue every time me or the kids need something, I just do it.

Well, we spent a couple thousand on vacation this summer! And then had SD's birthday then she got hurt and we had co-pays and extra gas to go to the specialist and all that.  THEN we had next to no business in august! I took home only about $1,300.  Yikes!

Well, we are DAYS away from September, when I can pay myself out some more money from the business.  And DH and I keep arguing because he keeps telling the kids we can take weekend trips or go to the movies or whatever....

And then I remind him that I *can't* pay for it, and he gets mad.  Whenever we go someplace I always pay my way, and every other time pay for DH and the kids too.  If we go out of town, I get everything. 

ANYWAY.... yes, we have money in the business savings account. And, yes I have some in our personal savings... but I refuse to touch it.   We have SS' birthday in just a couple weeks and then we'll need to do Halloween, host Thanksgiving,  AND provide a nice Christmas for the kids. 

BUT the business account is NOT FOR family expenses. And The family savings is there for emergencies.  I think since DH got paid thursday... he can suck it up and use his spending money on things for the family rather than me having to use the savings that we NEED. 

So DH can quit getting his panties in a bunch when I have to turn around and tell the kids that no, we're not going to the movies or bowling or to a water park this weekend because I simply can't pay for it.  OR DH can pay for it himself!  


Uuuururrrgggghhhh! 

by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:16 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mrsrusso416
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:20 PM

No bashing... but it sounds like your Dh is a tight wad and has to understand that things are expensive. I was always raised that you do for your kids before you do for yourself.

kappalopokis
by Silver Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:24 PM

He IS  a tightwad with HIS money. But mine, he spends like it's nothing.  I know i make almost 4 times what he does usually.

And I *always* have savings. 

I wish that we could put 100% of what he brings home into the savings account.  But, he always spends what he brings home.  Honestly, I have no idea where it goes. 


Quoting mrsrusso416:

No bashing... but it sounds like your Dh is a tight wad and has to understand that things are expensive. I was always raised that you do for your kids before you do for yourself.



happymomma13
by Platinum Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:25 PM
My only comment on this matter is that I think he's seriously childish.
Why are you supporting him?
kappalopokis
by Silver Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:26 PM

It's just the way we've done things for years. 


Quoting happymomma13:

My only comment on this matter is that I think he's seriously childish.
Why are you supporting him?



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:31 PM

 you must really love him, cause I wouldnt have put up with that at all....

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:31 PM
He's using you to support his kids. You are an idiot
kappalopokis
by Silver Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:33 PM


Thank you. 

Quoting Anonymous:

He's using you to support his kids. You are an idiot



Bknotnobody
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:36 PM
Stop enabling him.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Bigmetalchicken
by Ruby Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I ain't saying he's a gold digger...

IslandBreeze
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:37 PM

I have an idea, that I used on my own guy.....

Have him do all the food shopping, take the kids out himself, Everything with the house, the kids with his money. The idea is to make him REALIZE how expensive everything is.

I used to shop for the business. No more. He does. Then he knows how much money is being spent. No fights.

I cover kids' activities with my money. Most of them but he has been coming in half that he realizes it is so good for the kids. This is the first year I'm only going half. Nice.

Food, dinners, stuff, we try to alternate. Dutch or spot each other on purchases.

I've shifted some bills to the business so the business $$ pays them since the business can't operate without the entities that we pay the bills to. 

Get the drift? Then he will realize and respect you more.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)