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If you can't afford to get each of your children a meal, don't pay for your girlfriend

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My children, DD 11 and DS 8, called me last night from their dad's house, it is his weekend. Their dad took them and his girlfriend out to dinner but when they got there, they were told that they had to split a meal, from the kid's menu, knowing that they always eat the full kids portion so it's not like he did it because they don't usually eat it or something. They said that he said they had to save money. I asked if he and his girlfriend also shared, they said no, they eat got their own. Then I asked if he split up the check or if he paid everything, they said only one bill came to the table. So this man paid for his girlfriend's meal but told his kids they had to share a kids meal to save money! How about not take your girlfriend out or have he pay for her own. 

I asked to speak with him and when he got on the phone, I asked what was going on. He said that he did it because he was short on cash but wanted to take everyone out and that they were fine with sharing, they just wanted to complain. I told him that saving money by cutting the kid's portions in half is not acceptable. He didn't have to take them out but since he did, he should have gotten them a reasonable amount of food and should be making sure his kids are fed before he pays for his girlfriend's food.

Before someone says it, yes, I know my kids will survive I just think it is so wrong to do this to them.

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 31, 2013 at 12:46 PM
Replies (211-216):
by Ruby Member on Sep. 1, 2013 at 2:10 PM

 He probably erroneously thought that they didn't eat as much at that age.  Not true.  11 year olds, especially, are really growing.

This is why you get married and stay married and raise your kids with one person. But that's another story.

by Platinum Member on Sep. 1, 2013 at 2:21 PM

 I'm sorry, this is so petty. The kids probably did want to complain about it but did they say they had a horrible time when they went out with their Dad? Did they say that they would rather have not gone out to dinner than to have shared a meal? Were they starving when they left the restaurant and did their Dad refuse to let them have food when they got home?

Is this part of a larger pattern of disregard for the children's wants/needs? Does your ex agree with everything that you do for or with the children during the times they are with you? You had children with this man and he is obviously not so neglectful or unfit a parent that he was denied custody. Just because you don't like his parenting doesn't mean what he's doing is wrong or harmful to the children. You're not with him anymore so of course you guys don't agree on many things. Unless you plan on giving him a detailed accounting and explaination of every decision you make that concerns the children and getting his input before you make even the smallest of choices for them while they are with you, you need to leave his parenting decisions up to him. If there is abuse/neglect going on in his home that is a different story. Making children share a meal....come on. If you were still married to him is this something that you would bitch about? This sort of crap is why children of divorce live in a haze of confusion. Effective co-parenting means trusting your ex enough to know that he will do what he thinks is best for the children, even if you don't aways agree.

by Anonymous 40 on Sep. 1, 2013 at 2:26 PM
I agree.

Quoting wyomom4:

The point I was making wasn't that the kids were wrong for complaining. What the dad did was crap. I totally agree. And the kids have the right to complain.

BUT mom had them give dad the phone so that she could bitch him out. Which sends an unintentional message to those kids that they can play the parents off of each other. Bad precedent. That's why I suggest that the OP should have had it out with Dad PRIVATELY. Not where the kids KNEW that dad was in trouble because mom didn't like what they told her.

Let me say again those kids had EVERY RIGHT to complain! What dad did was a jerk move.

Quoting Anonymous:

umm maybe they were still fuckin hungry at 11 I know I still would be I was 90 pounds and i could eat a adult meal and finish it

Quoting wyomom4:

So, yes Dad was wrong for making them share a kids meal to save money. However I think the bigger issue is that the op just taught those kids that they can play one parent off the other.

When they complained I would have comisserated with them about how that must have felt. Then waited to talk to the dad until I could do it privately. So that the kids don't think they can get what they want by setting the parents against each other. 

by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 10:10 PM

That's awful! It says a lot about his girlfriend for excepting the offer. They couldn't go to a cheaper restaurant or use a freakin coupon? Something...

by Anonymous 30 on Sep. 2, 2013 at 8:06 AM
Nah I'd suggest not putting your girlfriend's stomach over your children's. but that's just me.

Quoting Anonymous:

 You should suggest then that next time he should find a sitter, take the gf out, and leave the kids home with a bowl of cereal. 

Quoting Anonymous:

WTF!? An 8 and 11 year old's "business" is to be adequately fed by their parents!!!

Quoting Anonymous:

 I think your kids need to mind their own business.  If they aren't being fed at their fathers, they should stop going over there.


by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 8:11 AM
That's beyond fucked up.
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