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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Introducing your girlfriend/boyfriend to your children - Yes or No?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies

I have a wonderful person in my life. I am 35 he is 44. We have known each other and been together as friends (and more) for 10 years. We have always been there to help each other through tough times.

We both have children. He has 4 (12, 16, 19, & 21) and I have 3 (12, 14, & 15). My kids do not know about him and his kids do not know about me. We feel that this is the best way because we don't want our children having animosity towards us. We don't want our children to feel that we are taking time away from them to spend with someone else's kids.

When I am out picking up things for my daughter, I pick up things for his daughters as well and he picks up things for my sons.

We believe that the children and their feelings should always come first. We believe that you can have a relationship with someone without introducing them to your kid(s) right away. That does not mean that just because I have never met his kids i don't love them. We just don't want to make our children feel uncomfortable.

We have agreed that when we feel that all of our kids are old enough (preferebly when all of them are over 18) than that would be a perfect time for us to introduce ourselves to each other's children.

Do you think this is strange or unusual? Would you introduce your children to your girlfriend or boyfriend right away or would you wait? And how long?

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 2, 2013 at 2:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 2, 2013 at 2:28 PM

i'm just surprised that this man was considered your friend for 10 years and your kids have never met him. I think the rules are up to you. I think it would be difficult to wait 8 years (since your youngest is 12) to wait to tell them about this relationship. I would wait till a year passed by and talk to them about it. If they felt fine and not affected from the past year then I would introduce him. As for him and his kids, I would respect what he wanted.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Sep. 3, 2013 at 11:50 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:42 PM

BUMP!

areles
by Platinum Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:45 PM

your sex life is your sex life.  no need to bring your kids into it.

i think it's a very responsible way to approach the situation.  though with kids that old, you can expect that at least a few of them are going to be hurt that they were 'lied to' for so long.  and they're old enough to deal.

so you might consider that before hanging your hat on waiting till the youngest is 18.

peanutsmommy1
by Ruby Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:45 PM
Introducing him after three dates, no
Waiting six years I dont get either
areles
by Platinum Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:45 PM


also, this.

Quoting Anonymous:

i'm just surprised that this man was considered your friend for 10 years and your kids have never met him. I think the rules are up to you. I think it would be difficult to wait 8 years (since your youngest is 12) to wait to tell them about this relationship. I would wait till a year passed by and talk to them about it. If they felt fine and not affected from the past year then I would introduce him. As for him and his kids, I would respect what he wanted.



MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:47 PM

 How have they not met him yet if you have known him for 10 years?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:48 PM

My kids have met mine and DH's gf and her hubby, but just as friends. They don't need sexual details. They're just good friends.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:52 PM

Just follow your instincts and use common sense. I was very anti-introducing them too early, then I realized too early and such were all subjective. I've known my boyfriend for 15 years but we have only been dating for a year. I told the kids we were dating after about 4 months. It felt right and it still feels right.

Unfortunately, I haven't met his (ex step) daughter because the mother is, apparently, completely psycho. We feel like it would put undue pressure on the kids if the mom freaked out from them meeting me. So we're just waiting a little longer until the daughter is living on her own.

o.O....
by Cara on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:55 PM
I have a six month rule... But I haven't really started again either... Here's a bump since I'm no help.
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