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i think i might hate my husband (long... sorry)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 32 Replies
I just had our first baby less than a month ago. I had a difficult pregnancy and labor, i was on bed rest and unable to work and was in labor for literally two days and had some pretty bad tearing.
My husband works nights, which is fine, but the dumb ass didnt even think to tell his boss that he needed time off for the birth of our baby.... our baby was born at 11:30 in the morning and he left me alone at the hospital at 7pm that night to go to work.
He seems to think that since he works 40 hours a week, that he doesnt need to help with the baby or let me have a break. Dont get me wrong i love my son more than anything in the world but i do need a break to take a nap or a bath or clean up since he doesnt clean anything only makes messes...
I wish more than anything in the world that my husband would respond to the baby when he cries. He puts a pillow over his head and goes back to sleep... i get up with him every time which i would have to anyway but it would be SO nice if he would get up and change him so i could pee and get a glass of water before i sit down to nurse him...

So i told him how i was feeling, and he got furious. He is giving me shit for not going to work (um HELLO i gave birth less than a month ago...) but i dont have anything to do with my baby if i do. Id have to be at work at 9 am when my husband is still sleeping and i absolutely dont trust him to wake up when he cries if he cant even get up for 5 minutes to change a diaper.

He hasnt been here in 2 days because he is mad at me for being depressed and asking him to help more and he came by earlier and within 5 minutes of being here he wanted to leave. He hadnt even seen our son. I had to BEG him to go inside and hold the baby... and 5 minutes later he made up some bullshit excuse and left and hasnt come back. He says he "needs time" to work through this all in his head.

I resent him more and more every day. Im so depressed and alone and tired.
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:42 PM
2 moms liked this
People don't realize how much a baby changes things until they're here. My husband and I had a rough few months too. Just remember he doesn't have the intuition you have. It's just not in his DNA so things that seem obvious to you may not seem so obvious to him. Just give him some time and if he doesn't try to work it out then you should move on
momto3nuts
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:43 PM
2 moms liked this

Big hugs. Do you have any family or friends that can come by and visit/ help for a little? You need some support right now, and if you cannot get it from your husband, try to get it from someone else. I would be very upset in your situation. Make sure you have an outlet and support before you fall into PPD. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:44 PM
He keeps telling me i asked for this by wanting a baby... i wanted a baby but i also wanted a family i didnt make him on my own and he doesnt seem to get that. And he wanted him too this baby was planned


Quoting Anonymous:

People don't realize how much a baby changes things until they're here. My husband and I had a rough few months too. Just remember he doesn't have the intuition you have. It's just not in his DNA so things that seem obvious to you may not seem so obvious to him. Just give him some time and if he doesn't try to work it out then you should move on

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:46 PM
I have the most amazing mother (who also had an asshole husband) here helping me but its just not the same. She makes me food and im too depressed to eat it but it does help that she is here and my baby gets love from someone other than me too


Quoting momto3nuts:

Big hugs. Do you have any family or friends that can come by and visit/ help for a little? You need some support right now, and if you cannot get it from your husband, try to get it from someone else. I would be very upset in your situation. Make sure you have an outlet and support before you fall into PPD. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:46 PM
I have the most amazing mother (who also had an asshole husband) here helping me but its just not the same. She makes me food and im too depressed to eat it but it does help that she is here and my baby gets love from someone other than me too


Quoting momto3nuts:

Big hugs. Do you have any family or friends that can come by and visit/ help for a little? You need some support right now, and if you cannot get it from your husband, try to get it from someone else. I would be very upset in your situation. Make sure you have an outlet and support before you fall into PPD. 


momto3nuts
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:53 PM

It's hard to do, but focus on what you have, not what you don't. Some men aren't mentally prepared or as receptive as we need them to be when a baby is born. Im happy to hear your mother is there. Lean on her and let her do her thing. Many people, myself included, go through tough times for different reasons after a baby is born. It also sounds like you might want to talk to your doctor about postpartum depression. It makes things very rough during an already tough time and there are many things you can do to help yourself.


Quoting Anonymous:

I have the most amazing mother (who also had an asshole husband) here helping me but its just not the same. She makes me food and im too depressed to eat it but it does help that she is here and my baby gets love from someone other than me too


Quoting momto3nuts:

Big hugs. Do you have any family or friends that can come by and visit/ help for a little? You need some support right now, and if you cannot get it from your husband, try to get it from someone else. I would be very upset in your situation. Make sure you have an outlet and support before you fall into PPD. 




countrygirlkat
by Silver Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:53 PM

It is always a huge adjustment period when a new baby comes into the home and a huge time of everybody trying to figure out their roles and responsibilities and such.  Many things should have been discussed prior to having the baby such as if he was going to take time off and when or if you would go back to work.  You can't blame him for those things since you didn't discuss them either.  Now though is the time to sit down with him and in a nice way talk about new roles and how you will make it work together.  Find out when or if he thinks you will need the second income again and what will happen with the baby if you do go back to work.  Talk about if maybe for 20 minutes at some point during each day he could have the baby while you shower or read or do something for a minute.  Find out when that 20 minutes would work best for him.  As for him waking up with the baby, I always did the night wake ups because to me if my sleep is interupted I can still function as a SAHM but if DH's is then it could impact his job and we need that income.  Good luck and realize that both of you are still new at this and trying to figure it out. 

countrygirlkat
by Silver Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:54 PM

Also it sounds like you need to go talk to your doctor right away about treatment for ppd.  The longer you wait to treat it the worse it will be for all of you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:58 PM
Im weary about talking to the doctor because im afraid they will want me to take meds and im breastfeeding and i hated it at first but now i have such a good bond with my baby nursing him until he falls asleep on me all full and happy is the only thing that makes me happy and he is so healthy and growing so fast (hes in 3-6 month clothes at not even 4 weeks!) That i dont want to mess it up and give him formula that he might not like or might upset his tummy :/


Quoting momto3nuts:

It's hard to do, but focus on what you have, not what you don't. Some men aren't mentally prepared or as receptive as we need them to be when a baby is born. Im happy to hear your mother is there. Lean on her and let her do her thing. Many people, myself included, go through tough times for different reasons after a baby is born. It also sounds like you might want to talk to your doctor about postpartum depression. It makes things very rough during an already tough time and there are many things you can do to help yourself.



Quoting Anonymous:

I have the most amazing mother (who also had an asshole husband) here helping me but its just not the same. She makes me food and im too depressed to eat it but it does help that she is here and my baby gets love from someone other than me too





Quoting momto3nuts:

Big hugs. Do you have any family or friends that can come by and visit/ help for a little? You need some support right now, and if you cannot get it from your husband, try to get it from someone else. I would be very upset in your situation. Make sure you have an outlet and support before you fall into PPD. 







Derari
by :::Achtung::: on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:01 PM

You need to find some support. A trustworthy person who can come into your home and even just chat with you a bit now and then. Motherhood can be overwhelming. You don't have to be alone. O you have family nearby??

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