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Question for those who lost their baby in the last trimester

Thank you to everybody who has shared their story. I was very worried when posting this that I would offend somebody or just catch a lot of grief over my curiosity. The stories are so sad, yet it has also shown me that there are so many amazingly strong women in this group. I have four kids (a set of twins), especially with the twins I was always scared of losing one. I just can't imagine. My twins were born at 27 weeks and while I always knew how fortunate we were to have such healthy babies this has been a major reminder. 

I have also noticed that a few women have said that these stories have also helped them. I am so glad that these stories were able to help.



First of all, I am very sorry for your loss.

Secondly, please forgive me if these are rude questions to ask. A friend of mine lost her baby that was due next month this past Monday. They are absolutely devastated (understandably). I have spent a lot of time the past few days thinking of them and their loss. I have questions that are driving me crazy but I would never in a million years ask my friend, so I thought I try to get some answers from other people.

What did you do with the clothes and baby gear? Did you keep them for the next baby (I am pretty sure they will try again) or did you get rid of them? What about stuff that was personalized? 

I know everybody will have different answers, I just can't get this question out of my head for some reason. 

*Thank you very much to those who have shared, I really appreciate it and again, I am very sorry for your loss*



by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:29 PM
Replies (21-30):
Elyce225
by Ruby Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:44 PM

Ugh so heartbreaking.

A close friend of mine lost her son during birth. When she was still in the hospital me and another friend cleaned out the nursery for her. She told us to donate everything except for anything that was still in the box. I kept the bouncy chair and the high chair in my garage until she had another baby.

Another friend of mine was 38 weeks when her baby died inside her from a blood clot. They induced her the day they found out. She kept everything though.
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SyllabaryBisque
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:45 PM
2 moms liked this
I lost a baby in the first trimester. I can't imagine the third...

Quoting _cori:

This. I feel so fortunate to never have lost a baby.

Quoting SyllabaryBisque:

I'm 30 weeks along and this is the most devastating post I've ever read on CM. I'm so sorry to all who reply...


km1970
by Platinum Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:45 PM

I lost my son at 7 days old. When we got home from the hospital that night(he died 3 hours away at a children's hospital) the first thing I saw when we drove up were the balloons my husband had put out the day we got home from the hospital. It was dark, but I immediately ripped them down. There were baby things all over the house(we had him home for 2 days.) I grabbed them all and put them in the nursery. I shut the door and that door remained closed for almost 8 months.

The things that were personalized, his name in blocks, the teddy bear my husband bought the day he was born, the clothes he passed away in, and picture of him in the hospital, I had put into a shadow box and it hangs in our playroom. 

We got pregnant at about 4 months after our son died. We were having a girl. The clothes we had for our son I finally was able to donate to a homeless shelter. His crib he didn't use, so we used it for our baby daughter. The bassinet that he slept in, we used with our baby girl. I have a couple of blankets that were his and we have just kept. We didn't reuse them for the new baby. They are in a cedar chest. We reused the carseat. 

I didn't do anything with the nursery until I was almost 8.5 months along with my dd. I didn't buy clothes, diapers or anything until a week before she was due. The first time I went back i into the nursery, I sat there and cried and cried. I had to come to peace with that room. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:45 PM

 

thats just horrible...

if that were to happen to me and i hope it never does.. i would rather be put out completely and have my baby removed via c-section. the thought of going through labor and not leaving with your baby would be too much to bear

Quoting Anonymous:

It depends on what is going on. A friends baby had no heart beat at 38 weeks. She didn't feel the baby moving for a day and went to the hospital. She was induced and deliver a stillborn baby. She then had to spend the next two days on the mother baby floor and seeing all these women with their new babies. They did put her in a private room, but she could still hear the babies cry.

Quoting Anonymous:

do they make you "give birth" at that point or do they cut the baby out of you?


 

CuriousArentYa
by Platinum Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:47 PM

I have an older sister that died in labor. I do not talk to my mom about it. I didn't even know about her until I was a teenager. My dad has NEVER mentioned her, my stepmom never knew. My sisters birthday is actually next month, I always just leave my mom alone for those couple of days and let her come to me if needed (that is how she prefers it).  

Quoting chrissara1011:

8 months.. placenta had unattached from my uterus....several years afterwards I would have nightmares where he would come up tome and say I had forgotten about him and take off running and I could not catch him. This was after I had my son and daughter...it bothers you even if you think u are doing ok


New.OrleansLady
by Platinum Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:47 PM

Depends on the situation... sometimes they induce you and have it naturally, other times they do a c section. 

Quoting Anonymous:

do they make you "give birth" at that point or do they cut the baby out of you?


LizzieAnnesMom
by ☆Mrs.Winchester☆ on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:47 PM

Depends on the reason the baby passed.

Quoting Anonymous:

do they make you "give birth" at that point or do they cut the baby out of you?





Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:48 PM
Aww, that's really sad.

Quoting CuriousArentYa:

My friends umbilical cord was not fully developed and the baby was not getting enough blood. They said she was a fighter to have made it this long. On the 28th she had just reported that everything was going well and then Tuesday she posted on facebook what had happened, she posted in fb to avoid a bunch of questions and to tell everybody that she was closing her facebook to give her and her husband time to heal. She said it was just too hard for them to see all of the pictures and updates about happy and healthy babies.

Quoting Anonymous:

What's the usual cause of a child being stillborn?


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:48 PM
A childhood friend of mine lost her dd around 33 weeks. I was pregnant with my dd at the same time (2 weeks behind her). It was heartbreaking. :( she found out after she delivered that she had a clotting problem, and a blood clot had passed through the umbilical cord. She got pregnant again soon after (another little girl) and just delivered a couple of weeks ago at 26 weeks. Her dd is in the NICU right now, and I'm sending hefty prayers her way. I think she kept all of her baby stuff from her angel baby.
_cori
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:49 PM
1 mom liked this

So sorry for your loss. And I agree.

Quoting SyllabaryBisque:

I lost a baby in the first trimester. I can't imagine the third...

Quoting _cori:

This. I feel so fortunate to never have lost a baby.

Quoting SyllabaryBisque:

I'm 30 weeks along and this is the most devastating post I've ever read on CM. I'm so sorry to all who reply...



7.18.1997 ~ Jamie Lily

6.2.2002 ~ Riley Cate

11.2.2003 ~ Lindsey Grace

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