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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Question for those who lost their baby in the last trimester

Thank you to everybody who has shared their story. I was very worried when posting this that I would offend somebody or just catch a lot of grief over my curiosity. The stories are so sad, yet it has also shown me that there are so many amazingly strong women in this group. I have four kids (a set of twins), especially with the twins I was always scared of losing one. I just can't imagine. My twins were born at 27 weeks and while I always knew how fortunate we were to have such healthy babies this has been a major reminder. 

I have also noticed that a few women have said that these stories have also helped them. I am so glad that these stories were able to help.



First of all, I am very sorry for your loss.

Secondly, please forgive me if these are rude questions to ask. A friend of mine lost her baby that was due next month this past Monday. They are absolutely devastated (understandably). I have spent a lot of time the past few days thinking of them and their loss. I have questions that are driving me crazy but I would never in a million years ask my friend, so I thought I try to get some answers from other people.

What did you do with the clothes and baby gear? Did you keep them for the next baby (I am pretty sure they will try again) or did you get rid of them? What about stuff that was personalized? 

I know everybody will have different answers, I just can't get this question out of my head for some reason. 

*Thank you very much to those who have shared, I really appreciate it and again, I am very sorry for your loss*



by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:29 PM
Replies (301-307):
KaRaBaSsEtT
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 5:28 PM
At my hospital they didn't give a time limit to have her....she was born around 430pm and we all held her and then we had alone time with her. We said our goodbyes around 930pm because she was deteriorating fast =/ i didn't want to let her go but it was time. The nurses said that she would be kept in the nursery over night if we wanted to see her again..

Quoting ragdoll13:

Please don't think I'm being rude, and you certainly don't have to answer.  Did the hospital willingly let her take the baby home?  I'm only asking because I've never heard of letting the family take the baby home.   My step mom works L&D and she has heartbreaking stories from when they have to take the babies' bodies from the parents.  They have to take them withing 4-5 hours after delivery for health codes and state laws.   I've never looked it up, and step mom is just doing what her boss tells her.    A friend delivered a still born baby at 28 weeks, and she said they only allowed her 6 hours with the baby, this was at a different hospital.



Quoting aimers6:

I had to go to the hospital to deliver my 2nd trimester loss. They gave me something to bring on labor and hooked me up to a morphine drip. I only had a few things and did use them on my following baby that I had 9 and 1/2 months later. My sister in law had a loss at 35 weeks. She only had a couple outfits because she didn't know the gender. She had the same situation, But she took her daughter home and had her in her crib for the night then took her back the next day for the autopsy.




Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:23 PM
Omgoodness!! I am so sorry.
Do you know who took her? Was it in the news? If you don't want to answer I understand.


Quoting clownmamma:

I didn't have a stillborn baby but my daughter was kidnapped and murdered @ 5 months old. I had 5 months worth of clothing toys and memories. A week after her funeral my sister inlaw helped me clear her cupboard and pack all her stuff. All her clothing was given away but I don't know to who. Kept her stroller which I used again for my daughter. I remember the pain of smelling each and every piece of clothing and crying as I folded them. We hadn't put the last outfit she had worn that day before having a bath in the wash as the search for her had been so hectic and when I found it in the laundry it still had her smell on it. It was heartbreaking. Its been 12 years bt seems like yesturday. The pain does go away bt every now and again I do cry for her.

LizzieAnnesMom
by ☆Mrs.Winchester☆ on Sep. 7, 2013 at 4:49 AM
He is three weeks. I didnt notice it at first. I am ashamed to say some days its hard to remember what she looked like. We only saw her for a few hours without all the tape and tubes. Some days i cry because of it, but for thre most part i try not to let it affect me.

Quoting kolbiesmommy:

 Well I hope you have more good days than bad. Congrats on baby boy. I'm not here very often anymore so I didn't realize you had another baby. How old is he? This might be a horrible question to ask so forgive me if I step over a line. Does it affect you in any way that he looks like her?


Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

There are good days and bad. Having my son is bitter sweet but i love him very much. He looks exactly like her, they could be twins.


Quoting kolbiesmommy:

I remember your story. I had just came back to cm. I started seeing posts about you and then started looking for all the previous ones. Then when someone posted you had taken her off life support everyones hearts broke for you on here. Every time I see your sn I stop and wonder how you're doing.




Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:


Sounds a lot like what I did. I took everything of hers, stuffed it in boxes (while screaming and crying)and put it in a closet. I didnt open the closet for months. There are still boxes I havent gone through but they have been moved out to the storage. 


My DD was 7 days old when we removed her from life support. we never got to take her home, hear her cry. in the hospital she squeezed our fingers, but only because she was having seizures. The other day I broke down crying when DS squeezed my finger and I realized it was because he could. not because he was dying. the hospital gave us a memory box with things from the hospital in it. I looked through it when we first got it then put it over our TV, now 1.5 years later I still havent really looked in it. 


Quoting km1970:


I lost my son at 7 days old. When we got home from the hospital that night(he died 3 hours away at a children's hospital) the first thing I saw when we drove up were the balloons my husband had put out the day we got home from the hospital. It was dark, but I immediately ripped them down. There were baby things all over the house(we had him home for 2 days.) I grabbed them all and put them in the nursery. I shut the door and that door remained closed for almost 8 months.


The things that were personalized, his name in blocks, the teddy bear my husband bought the day he was born, the clothes he passed away in, and picture of him in the hospital, I had put into a shadow box and it hangs in our playroom. 


We got pregnant at about 4 months after our son died. We were having a girl. The clothes we had for our son I finally was able to donate to a homeless shelter. His crib he didn't use, so we used it for our baby daughter. The bassinet that he slept in, we used with our baby girl. I have a couple of blankets that were his and we have just kept. We didn't reuse them for the new baby. They are in a cedar chest. We reused the carseat. 


I didn't do anything with the nursery until I was almost 8.5 months along with my dd. I didn't buy clothes, diapers or anything until a week before she was due. The first time I went back i into the nursery, I sat there and cried and cried. I had to come to peace with that room. 




 

apollothor
by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 10:05 AM
It's so very tragic to lose a pregnancy, and it's so much worse when it happens in the last trimester, just when you are "almost there." If that happens, don't lose heart, because you have already proven that you are capable of pregnancy, and after the recuperation that your doctor recommends, you can try again. On the next pregnancy, you might have to take extra precautions and have extra procedures and more care, but with your doctor's help, you have a good chance of having a baby.
bellygirl
by Silver Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 2:41 PM
1 mom liked this

Our son Maxwell was full term when he died.  His umbilical chord had a weak attachment to the placenta.  When my water broke, the pressure from the water caused the chord to detach from the placenta.  We had no idea we'd lost him until we were at the hospital.  I did not have a C-Section.  I gave birth to him.  I would have had to be in the hospital for at least 2 days had I had the C-Section.  I just wanted to disappear.  We held our perfectly healthy baby for hours.  We have pictures, feet and hand prints, a lock of his hair.  We buried Maxwell in one of his outfits and wrapped a blanket specially knitted for him by a family friend.  I kept everything of Maxwells.  He would have been 5 years old on July 3.  We have since had twin boys, who will be 4 this October.  I have several cute little newborn outfits that were meant for Maxwell, that still have the tags on them.  We used his crib and bought another like it for our twins.  I used Maxwells car seat and travel system.  I did not use his bedding.  I put that away, as it was meant for him.  

aimers6
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:10 AM
They live in Canada. She is from Poland. I never ask any questions. I only know because another SIL was creeped out she was sleeping in the room where a dead baby had slept. The one who lost her babe doesn't talk about it much. Her younger children don't know about the 1st baby.


Quoting ragdoll13:

Please don't think I'm being rude, and you certainly don't have to answer.  Did the hospital willingly let her take the baby home?  I'm only asking because I've never heard of letting the family take the baby home.   My step mom works L&D and she has heartbreaking stories from when they have to take the babies' bodies from the parents.  They have to take them withing 4-5 hours after delivery for health codes and state laws.   I've never looked it up, and step mom is just doing what her boss tells her.    A friend delivered a still born baby at 28 weeks, and she said they only allowed her 6 hours with the baby, this was at a different hospital.



Quoting aimers6:

I had to go to the hospital to deliver my 2nd trimester loss. They gave me something to bring on labor and hooked me up to a morphine drip. I only had a few things and did use them on my following baby that I had 9 and 1/2 months later. My sister in law had a loss at 35 weeks. She only had a couple outfits because she didn't know the gender. She had the same situation, But she took her daughter home and had her in her crib for the night then took her back the next day for the autopsy.





Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 24, 2013 at 11:09 AM

I keeptmy things because so much of it was  much of it was sentimental things my grandma and my mom made the last one I had pre elcancia(sp)after bring on like flight and dying  I gave it all away

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