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Question for those who lost their baby in the last trimester

Thank you to everybody who has shared their story. I was very worried when posting this that I would offend somebody or just catch a lot of grief over my curiosity. The stories are so sad, yet it has also shown me that there are so many amazingly strong women in this group. I have four kids (a set of twins), especially with the twins I was always scared of losing one. I just can't imagine. My twins were born at 27 weeks and while I always knew how fortunate we were to have such healthy babies this has been a major reminder. 

I have also noticed that a few women have said that these stories have also helped them. I am so glad that these stories were able to help.



First of all, I am very sorry for your loss.

Secondly, please forgive me if these are rude questions to ask. A friend of mine lost her baby that was due next month this past Monday. They are absolutely devastated (understandably). I have spent a lot of time the past few days thinking of them and their loss. I have questions that are driving me crazy but I would never in a million years ask my friend, so I thought I try to get some answers from other people.

What did you do with the clothes and baby gear? Did you keep them for the next baby (I am pretty sure they will try again) or did you get rid of them? What about stuff that was personalized? 

I know everybody will have different answers, I just can't get this question out of my head for some reason. 

*Thank you very much to those who have shared, I really appreciate it and again, I am very sorry for your loss*



by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:29 PM
Replies (31-40):
Elyce225
by Ruby Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:49 PM

OMG that is horrible (the last part).

I am in no way comparing myself to her but when I had my third child, via emergency c-section at 34 weeks they took her to the NICU three hours from where I was right away. I only got to see her for a second and didn't get to see her for the next 2 days. I woke up in recovery on the maternity floor. I heard all of the babies crying and saw all of the happy parents with flower and balloons in the hallway. I couldn't even hold in the tears. I can't imagine being your friend, that is so heart breaking.


Quoting Anonymous:

It depends on what is going on. A friends baby had no heart beat at 38 weeks. She didn't feel the baby moving for a day and went to the hospital. She was induced and deliver a stillborn baby. She then had to spend the next two days on the mother baby floor and seeing all these women with their new babies. They did put her in a private room, but she could still hear the babies cry.



Quoting Anonymous:

do they make you "give birth" at that point or do they cut the baby out of you?


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CuriousArentYa
by Platinum Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:50 PM

I was up all night Tuesday night thinking about them being in the house, having to walk past the babies bedroom. There is no way for them to not walk past that bedroom as it is adjacent to theirs. I am usually a very hard person and do not let my emotions get to me but has affected me like nothing else. 

I want to send a card and some flowers so very badly but I know they just want to be left alone.

Quoting Elyce225:


Ugh so heartbreaking.

A close friend of mine lost her son during birth. When she was still in the hospital me and another friend cleaned out the nursery for her. She told us to donate everything except for anything that was still in the box. I kept the bouncy chair and the high chair in my garage until she had another baby.

Another friend of mine was 38 weeks when her baby died inside her from a blood clot. They induced her the day they found out. She kept everything though.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:51 PM

I haven't ever lost a baby. Or a child. Etc. But I am a pessimist to the max. And I was having bleeding issues with this twin pregnancy. I already told my husband if anything happens and we end up with a baby or both of them, God forbid, we will be donating everything that is not personalized to the local CPC (Christian Pregnancy Center). As much as I hate, hate, hate to even consider this, if it happened it would make me feel a little bit better to know that all the items we have purchased, stroller, cribs, carseats, clothing, diapers, toys, etc, were going to people who could really use them.

Keara20
by Platinum Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:53 PM
I'm so so sorry for everyone's losses, I can't imagine what you all went through. *hugs to all*
CuriousArentYa
by Platinum Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:53 PM

Thank you for sharing. 

They did not want to know the gender until the baby came. So just about everything is gender neutral. Turned out to be a beautiful baby girl. She was just over 2 lbs and had dark hair. 

Quoting km1970:

I lost my son at 7 days old. When we got home from the hospital that night(he died 3 hours away at a children's hospital) the first thing I saw when we drove up were the balloons my husband had put out the day we got home from the hospital. It was dark, but I immediately ripped them down. There were baby things all over the house(we had him home for 2 days.) I grabbed them all and put them in the nursery. I shut the door and that door remained closed for almost 8 months.

The things that were personalized, his name in blocks, the teddy bear my husband bought the day he was born, the clothes he passed away in, and picture of him in the hospital, I had put into a shadow box and it hangs in our playroom. 

We got pregnant at about 4 months after our son died. We were having a girl. The clothes we had for our son I finally was able to donate to a homeless shelter. His crib he didn't use, so we used it for our baby daughter. The bassinet that he slept in, we used with our baby girl. I have a couple of blankets that were his and we have just kept. We didn't reuse them for the new baby. They are in a cedar chest. We reused the carseat. 

I didn't do anything with the nursery until I was almost 8.5 months along with my dd. I didn't buy clothes, diapers or anything until a week before she was due. The first time I went back i into the nursery, I sat there and cried and cried. I had to come to peace with that room. 


Elyce225
by Ruby Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:54 PM

Those poor people :(

My heart breaks for them. I will keep them in my thoughts.


Quoting CuriousArentYa:

I was up all night Tuesday night thinking about them being in the house, having to walk past the babies bedroom. There is no way for them to not walk past that bedroom as it is adjacent to theirs. I am usually a very hard person and do not let my emotions get to me but has affected me like nothing else. 

I want to send a card and some flowers so very badly but I know they just want to be left alone.

Quoting Elyce225:



Ugh so heartbreaking.



A close friend of mine lost her son during birth. When she was still in the hospital me and another friend cleaned out the nursery for her. She told us to donate everything except for anything that was still in the box. I kept the bouncy chair and the high chair in my garage until she had another baby.



Another friend of mine was 38 weeks when her baby died inside her from a blood clot. They induced her the day they found out. She kept everything though.



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CocoaKisses70
by Silver Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:54 PM
1 mom liked this

OMG this is so heartbreaking. I have been crying since I started reading everyone's post. Im so sorry mama for your loss. I hope your dd provided enough comfort to distract you from that loss, and I hope you NEVER have to go through that again!

Quoting km1970:

I lost my son at 7 days old. When we got home from the hospital that night(he died 3 hours away at a children's hospital) the first thing I saw when we drove up were the balloons my husband had put out the day we got home from the hospital. It was dark, but I immediately ripped them down. There were baby things all over the house(we had him home for 2 days.) I grabbed them all and put them in the nursery. I shut the door and that door remained closed for almost 8 months.

The things that were personalized, his name in blocks, the teddy bear my husband bought the day he was born, the clothes he passed away in, and picture of him in the hospital, I had put into a shadow box and it hangs in our playroom. 

We got pregnant at about 4 months after our son died. We were having a girl. The clothes we had for our son I finally was able to donate to a homeless shelter. His crib he didn't use, so we used it for our baby daughter. The bassinet that he slept in, we used with our baby girl. I have a couple of blankets that were his and we have just kept. We didn't reuse them for the new baby. They are in a cedar chest. We reused the carseat. 

I didn't do anything with the nursery until I was almost 8.5 months along with my dd. I didn't buy clothes, diapers or anything until a week before she was due. The first time I went back i into the nursery, I sat there and cried and cried. I had to come to peace with that room. 


LizzieAnnesMom
by ☆Mrs.Winchester☆ on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:55 PM

Sounds a lot like what I did. I took everything of hers, stuffed it in boxes (while screaming and crying)and put it in a closet. I didnt open the closet for months. There are still boxes I havent gone through but they have been moved out to the storage. 

My DD was 7 days old when we removed her from life support. we never got to take her home, hear her cry. in the hospital she squeezed our fingers, but only because she was having seizures. The other day I broke down crying when DS squeezed my finger and I realized it was because he could. not because he was dying. the hospital gave us a memory box with things from the hospital in it. I looked through it when we first got it then put it over our TV, now 1.5 years later I still havent really looked in it. 

Quoting km1970:

I lost my son at 7 days old. When we got home from the hospital that night(he died 3 hours away at a children's hospital) the first thing I saw when we drove up were the balloons my husband had put out the day we got home from the hospital. It was dark, but I immediately ripped them down. There were baby things all over the house(we had him home for 2 days.) I grabbed them all and put them in the nursery. I shut the door and that door remained closed for almost 8 months.

The things that were personalized, his name in blocks, the teddy bear my husband bought the day he was born, the clothes he passed away in, and picture of him in the hospital, I had put into a shadow box and it hangs in our playroom. 

We got pregnant at about 4 months after our son died. We were having a girl. The clothes we had for our son I finally was able to donate to a homeless shelter. His crib he didn't use, so we used it for our baby daughter. The bassinet that he slept in, we used with our baby girl. I have a couple of blankets that were his and we have just kept. We didn't reuse them for the new baby. They are in a cedar chest. We reused the carseat. 

I didn't do anything with the nursery until I was almost 8.5 months along with my dd. I didn't buy clothes, diapers or anything until a week before she was due. The first time I went back i into the nursery, I sat there and cried and cried. I had to come to peace with that room. 





MomOf3AngelBabe
by Platinum Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:57 PM
4 moms liked this

I keep his clothes, blankets and things in a clear plastic shed box. Its all in there with his papers, little trinkets from the hospital, etc. Some of the personalized items were buried with him, others are in his box or on his Christmas tree. I did that with all three babies we've had become angels. 


So very sorry for your friends loss. The best you can do right now is let her talk, cry, scream..whatever she needs to do. Words are very, very seldom helpful especially things like 'It was meant to be. God had a plan. God needs him/her more than we do here.'. In fact, those things can inspire serious anger. Just let her know you are there for her if and when she wants to talk to you. After a little more time goes by, dont be afraid to say her babys name to her if youre having a conversation on a like subject. Almost all grieving moms want to know that people havent forgotten their angels. ;) 

MomOf3AngelBabe
by Platinum Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:57 PM
2 moms liked this

I had to give birth all three times. The word youre looking for is 'c-section'. 

Quoting Anonymous:

do they make you "give birth" at that point or do they cut the baby out of you?


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