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Question for those who lost their baby in the last trimester

Thank you to everybody who has shared their story. I was very worried when posting this that I would offend somebody or just catch a lot of grief over my curiosity. The stories are so sad, yet it has also shown me that there are so many amazingly strong women in this group. I have four kids (a set of twins), especially with the twins I was always scared of losing one. I just can't imagine. My twins were born at 27 weeks and while I always knew how fortunate we were to have such healthy babies this has been a major reminder. 

I have also noticed that a few women have said that these stories have also helped them. I am so glad that these stories were able to help.



First of all, I am very sorry for your loss.

Secondly, please forgive me if these are rude questions to ask. A friend of mine lost her baby that was due next month this past Monday. They are absolutely devastated (understandably). I have spent a lot of time the past few days thinking of them and their loss. I have questions that are driving me crazy but I would never in a million years ask my friend, so I thought I try to get some answers from other people.

What did you do with the clothes and baby gear? Did you keep them for the next baby (I am pretty sure they will try again) or did you get rid of them? What about stuff that was personalized? 

I know everybody will have different answers, I just can't get this question out of my head for some reason. 

*Thank you very much to those who have shared, I really appreciate it and again, I am very sorry for your loss*



by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:29 PM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:58 PM
3 moms liked this

 

i know my wording sounds really crass. i realize that now

Quoting MomOf3AngelBabe:

I had to give birth all three times. They word youre looking for is 'c-section'. 

Quoting Anonymous:

do they make you "give birth" at that point or do they cut the baby out of you?



 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:59 PM
6 moms liked this

Mobile Photo

My daughter lived for a while bit here's her shadow box. I have a LOT of things of hers though packed up safe.
Schizomom91
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 7:08 PM
I'm so sorry :( this made me cry.


Quoting km1970:

I lost my son at 7 days old. When we got home from the hospital that night(he died 3 hours away at a children's hospital) the first thing I saw when we drove up were the balloons my husband had put out the day we got home from the hospital. It was dark, but I immediately ripped them down. There were baby things all over the house(we had him home for 2 days.) I grabbed them all and put them in the nursery. I shut the door and that door remained closed for almost 8 months.

The things that were personalized, his name in blocks, the teddy bear my husband bought the day he was born, the clothes he passed away in, and picture of him in the hospital, I had put into a shadow box and it hangs in our playroom. 

We got pregnant at about 4 months after our son died. We were having a girl. The clothes we had for our son I finally was able to donate to a homeless shelter. His crib he didn't use, so we used it for our baby daughter. The bassinet that he slept in, we used with our baby girl. I have a couple of blankets that were his and we have just kept. We didn't reuse them for the new baby. They are in a cedar chest. We reused the carseat. 

I didn't do anything with the nursery until I was almost 8.5 months along with my dd. I didn't buy clothes, diapers or anything until a week before she was due. The first time I went back i into the nursery, I sat there and cried and cried. I had to come to peace with that room. 


MomOf3AngelBabe
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 7:08 PM

Wow!!

With ours, I was put on another floor so I didnt have to hear that. They also had a little heart with buttons stuck to my door so others knew not to come in and offer to bring my baby to me. 

Quoting Elyce225:


OMG that is horrible (the last part).

I am in no way comparing myself to her but when I had my third child, via emergency c-section at 34 weeks they took her to the NICU three hours from where I was right away. I only got to see her for a second and didn't get to see her for the next 2 days. I woke up in recovery on the maternity floor. I heard all of the babies crying and saw all of the happy parents with flower and balloons in the hallway. I couldn't even hold in the tears. I can't imagine being your friend, that is so heart breaking.


Quoting Anonymous:

It depends on what is going on. A friends baby had no heart beat at 38 weeks. She didn't feel the baby moving for a day and went to the hospital. She was induced and deliver a stillborn baby. She then had to spend the next two days on the mother baby floor and seeing all these women with their new babies. They did put her in a private room, but she could still hear the babies cry.



Quoting Anonymous:

do they make you "give birth" at that point or do they cut the baby out of you?



MamaRae85
by *you're on Sep. 4, 2013 at 7:12 PM

Please feel free to ignore this question if you would rather not answer. I was wondering because of the way you worded what you said if you would have chosen differently than to carry until natural labor. Would you have chosen to have a csection? Again, ignore if you'd like. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Quoting chrissara1011:

I donated all my sons things except 1 stuffed dog I buried with him....they made me carry him until I went into natural labor


strtngovrmom
by Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 7:20 PM

BUMP!

DevonD83
by Silver Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 7:23 PM

A friend of my husband lost there baby boy this past Monday as well.. My heart is broken for them. They said they really didnt have a whole lot for the baby and hadnt gotten really ready for him so I guess they dont have much to pack away. She was like 38 weeks

chrissara1011
by Bronze Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 7:23 PM

Quoting MamaRae85:

Please feel free to ignore this question if you would rather not answer. I was wondering because of the way you worded what you said if you would have chosen differently than to carry until natural labor. Would you have chosen to have a csection? Again, ignore if you'd like. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Quoting chrissara1011:

I donated all my sons things except 1 stuffed dog I buried with him....they made me carry him until I went into natural labor



At the time I would have had a c section or an induction..anything to keep from carrying him around. when I went into labor he turned so I thought drs had made a mistake, but it was my body positioning him for labor. Now having had an induction for my daughter the naural labor was much more easier and Dr made right decision then for my body but not my mind
Elyce225
by Ruby Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 8:11 PM


Yeah :(  

It was sad for me and my baby was alive.  I can't imagine how a mother would feel who lost a baby.  Thinking about that mother brings tears to my eyes.  Nurses should know better, hopefully it was because the hospital was full and couldn't place her anywhere else.

I don't know how women who lost babies go on, I really don't think I could do it.  

Quoting MomOf3AngelBabe:

Wow!!

With ours, I was put on another floor so I didnt have to hear that. They also had a little heart with buttons stuck to my door so others knew not to come in and offer to bring my baby to me. 

Quoting Elyce225:


OMG that is horrible (the last part).

I am in no way comparing myself to her but when I had my third child, via emergency c-section at 34 weeks they took her to the NICU three hours from where I was right away. I only got to see her for a second and didn't get to see her for the next 2 days. I woke up in recovery on the maternity floor. I heard all of the babies crying and saw all of the happy parents with flower and balloons in the hallway. I couldn't even hold in the tears. I can't imagine being your friend, that is so heart breaking.


Quoting Anonymous:

It depends on what is going on. A friends baby had no heart beat at 38 weeks. She didn't feel the baby moving for a day and went to the hospital. She was induced and deliver a stillborn baby. She then had to spend the next two days on the mother baby floor and seeing all these women with their new babies. They did put her in a private room, but she could still hear the babies cry.



Quoting Anonymous:

do they make you "give birth" at that point or do they cut the baby out of you?





twinmom86
by Silver Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 8:25 PM
I didn't have a stillborn but I lost my son at 19 days old. Him and his twin brother were born at 29 weeks so he never got to come home. Before my other son came home we went through all of the matching outfits we had for the boys and put one of each in bag in our closet. All of the other clothes went to his brother. The hardest part was getting rid of the double stroller, extra carseat, and crib. I have his ashes and some special things on our mantel but I hardly ever take the time to look at his things or take time to be sad. The day after he died I had to force myself to be strong and go see my other son in the NICU and I don't think I've ever really let myself completely breakdown since.
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