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A bridesmaid? I don't know if they should marry!! WWYD?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have been asked to be a bridesmaid at my own sister's wedding. Sweet right? NO. I have serious convictions. First one being she has always been about herself and he wants kids. Growing up she let the rest of us (there are 4 after her) know we were a mistake and that if it weren't for us she could have had so much more in life. Second, she has been dating this guy for a year, after her first husband left her (both of them cheated and treated each other horribly which she pretends was one sided), and she hasn't acted like the person I have known for 34 years since they started dating this new guy. I mean I hope it's a permanant change but what if it's not?? This is his first marriage and he does want kids. As far as I know she hasn't told him she doesn't (she's always wanted the attention focused on her), and she has told others she doesn't really want them but thinks it is sweet that he does. So should someone warn him of what he may be getting himself into? I love my sister but I iam not oblivious to the person she is on the inside, where most people just see her as she wants them to. WWYD? What would you do????

shrugging PS. He seems like a really nice guy with a great family, so he would be a welcome addition to my family.

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 4, 2013 at 6:44 PM
Replies (11-20):
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 7:03 PM

Judge not lest you be judged.  I'm one of those Christians, so I'd hope and pray for the best and be a bridesmaid. 

by Emerald Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 7:08 PM
1 mom liked this

Talk to your sister about your concerns. Point out how being in a relationship where they want very different things can hurt her and him. Tell her that it is important to talk about it before marriage. Maybe you can bring it up in a conversation with both of them.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 4, 2013 at 7:22 PM

I am not really trying to judge her, I love her as my sister, (I consider myself FAR from perfect) I worry that she doesn't realize how her and her future husbands happiness in this honeymoon period could be ruined when real life hits them and a child, or No child comes.

by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 7:49 PM

I would stay out of her relationship.

by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 4, 2013 at 8:04 PM

I would mind your own business. Let your sister make her own mistakes and marry whoever she wants and stop trying to feel like you can control what she does. Obviously you can't. Besides! Being a bridesmaid is fun!

by Anonymous 5 on Sep. 4, 2013 at 8:07 PM
I didn't want kids. I changed my mind after we got married.
by Anonymous 6 on Sep. 4, 2013 at 8:09 PM

The person she was for 34 years may not be who she is now.

I was a spoiled brat as a kid.  I wasn't always a good sister or role model...  Most of my family still like to hold things over my head from my past that should just stay in the past.

Yes, as a depressed teen mom living on her own and trying to hold a job & go to school, I had to shower without my child sometimes.  That meant he crawled while I scrubbed myself in less than 5 minutes, as I tried to play peek a boo with him. ONCE he got into the cat litter box.  Not eating it.  Just grabbed a handful and started crawling with it.  At that moment my cousin & aunt walked into my house. . .  Terrible scene, yes.  Embarassed much, YES!.  But does that mean I shouldn't be a mother, no.

by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 4, 2013 at 8:23 PM


HOpefully she has changed that. But frome experience my ex-friend did that to her first husband, they divorced.  She married the second husband, a really good friend,  she repeated her behavior and he was hurting so bad he killed himself.  SO I pray that she has changed also.  I dont understand why people feel the need to stay with someone if they are just going to sleep with someone else, it sickens me.

Quoting Anonymous:

I pray she has changed but "whoring behind his back" is exactly what she did to husband #1, not that she would admit to it.


by Anonymous 7 on Sep. 4, 2013 at 8:26 PM
It's not your place to say anything.
Also depending on the religion, many clergy require marriage classes before they will marry the couple. In the classes they ask the questions you are concerned they haven't spoken about yet.
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 8:28 PM

It is their marriage, not yours.  You've no place in figure that out now, or you'll have some real trouble in the future.  


Quoting Anonymous:

I am not trying to be controlling, I am merely thinking that if I were about to sign up for happily ever after I would like to know first what I may be getting into.

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