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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Married but lonely.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies

I hate it when I feel this way.  When dh and I have disconnected from each other and I realize just how lonely I am.  How I have no friends and few relatives.  I'd rather be alone then with Dh right now though.  It's the worst feeling in the world to be in the same room or house with someone yet feel so distant from them.  I've been through this phase before, I'm sure it will pass, but don't know how long it will last.  It really hits home when he spend so much time with his friends and totally neglects his family. When he talks about his concerns about his coworkers, friends, family yet doesn't ask about me and my health issues. Worse yet when he can't answer what the prescription I must take daily is for.  Or when he is home yet avoids us all by watching his tv shows that nobody else likes or puttering around the yard/garage.

I hate this feeling. So depressing. F@ck, there must be more to life than this.  When I was in my 20's I was so full of life, so fearless, now it feels  I do nothing but waste time.

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:26 AM
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Replies (1-8):
TaughtTot
by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:29 AM
1 mom liked this

Thats for you to change.  I don't believe your husband should have the burden of being your everything and everybody.  You need to have friends to spend time with, almost, to relieve him not just you.   I couldn't imagine if someone was always counting on me to make their day worth while, thatd irritate me and I'd be distant too.  Probably just needs a break if thats how you are going to continue being.  


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:30 AM

I would re-evaluate if this is really the person for me.  Maybe some counseling and one on one time to restart the dating process.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:35 AM

My husband told me years ago NOT to look to him for happiness.  That was an eye opener.  I took his advice. Look into yourself for happiness.  Find a hobby. Go out with friends or alone. Dont sit around waiting for him. Men and women think differently.  He is planning his next outing with his friends or next TV Show, not the next date with you.  I do understand, my marriage is similar. Hubby is out right now, and I'm home with the kids. Make some weekend plans for yourself, mom. Don't look to him for happiness.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:36 AM

Mobile Photo

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:38 AM

No you have misunderstood. He is not my everything, nor do I want him to be.  I do not mind him having his own friends and going out but there is a limit, a point where you question why someone is even married if they rarely spend time together or if you are the only one making an effort to have quality time or make conversation. I honestly don't even know if I like him anymore. If we were not married I doubt we would hang out together.  We have such diverse opinions about everything but the conversations turn into a who's right who's wrong instead of a normal discussion or debate between friends.  

Quoting TaughtTot:

Thats for you to change.  I don't believe your husband should have the burden of being your everything and everybody.  You need to have friends to spend time with, almost, to relieve him not just you.   I couldn't imagine if someone was always counting on me to make their day worth while, thatd irritate me and I'd be distant too.  Probably just needs a break if thats how you are going to continue being.  




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:43 AM



Quoting Anonymous:

My husband told me years ago NOT to look to him for happiness.  That was an eye opener.  I took his advice. Look into yourself for happiness.  Find a hobby. Go out with friends or alone. Dont sit around waiting for him. Men and women think differently.  He is planning his next outing with his friends or next TV Show, not the next date with you.  I do understand, my marriage is similar. Hubby is out right now, and I'm home with the kids. Make some weekend plans for yourself, mom. Don't look to him for happiness.

Oh, I know and I used to be such a happy adventurous person but because I am a Mom and have that responsibility mostly by myself due to his work and then occassional personal distance I've neglected my own life.  The friends are long gone due to all of us being busy, changing personalities/priorities.  The older you get the harder it is to make friends. I gave up so many times out for the kids and due to dh's schedule that now I am alone and lonely.  Sigh....I'm probably just in a sad mood and this will pass.

thanks for you reply.


MomOf3AngelBabe
by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:49 AM

Oh my. I swear you are me in my twenties. I actually had someone who wasnt related to us, in fact, wasnt even close to us that I looked 'dead'. This person said that the moment he laid eyes on me all he could see was this look like, 'Do whatever youre going to do. Say whatever youre going to say because you cant hurt me any more. Im totally checked out of this. My life is over at 26.'. Those were his exact words.

Know what happened next?? I took my children, moved out and moved on. ;) I filed for divorce and am done with that part of my life. The person I mentioned above came to visit me and my littles in our new place and said that there was a lighter vibe in the whole place, we seemed SO much closer and while I was still struggling financially at the time, we all looked so much happier and healthier too. If this is a constant for you hun, you are going to age....FAST. Im in my mid-30s now and remarried. Life is SO much different. Whatever choice you make, I truly hope that you find happiness. Life doesnt have to be this sad. Hugs!  <3 

SWEET737
by Bronze Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 1:10 AM

I understand where you are coming from . I take it you are already feeling down because you are not feeling good and you won't a little empathy and attention from your "best friend" but it is like he doesn't even notice you are there. How long have the two of you been married and do you have any kids together? Sometimes husbands and wives take each other for granted without even noticing it . Are feeling well enough to go out with him if he ask you to? You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel. If you can not express it verbally, may you can write him a letter or find a card that says close to how you are feeling.

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