Ladies, I need some advice here - my ss is a sexual predator and it is starting to scare me. (edit at bottom)More edit added.
I have written this post so many times and deleted it. It is a very long story so I will try to make it short and to the point. My ss, 10, who I will call X, has been sexually aggressive since he was very young. We explored all the options, was he molested, exposed to porn, you name it.(negative on all these) He has been in therapy since he was 6. It just keeps getting worse. He focuses most of his behavior on me, grabbing boobs, butt, putting his hand between my legs, walking in when I am in the shower (after picking the lock) following me all over the house ....X has been kicked out of the after school program for groping the women there, we had a party for my husband recently and his best friend brought a much younger date (like, maybe 21) and she was dressed a bit provocatively, but still. X had his hands all over her the entire night, the bf finally said something to my husband and somehow, finally, after 5 years, he believes me that his child has a problem. X's mother does not. We had a very long and graphic discussion with X about how much trouble he could get into and how what he is doing is not only wrong but a crime. I thought he got it, but less than 5 days later, as soon as he was alone with me in the house, it started again. ---My problems are these, my husband wants me to remain "civil" to this child and got to the point of we were calling it quits yesterday, we recovered but I simply cannot abide this childs presence. I am trying to get him in to intensive therapy but I seem to be the only one who sees the importance of it.
Please save me the "it's a phase, he is curious, all that other stuff" this is not new and we have looked for everything to blame this on besides him having a problem - the child is sick and needs help before he ends up in jail.
Thank you all for your responses! I am trying my best to respond to them all. I am the only female in the house, we have two other boys, X's brother who is 8 and my son who is 10. X has never bothered them, he only seems to go for women who are in positions of authority, except his mother. She is in complete denial and thinks I am a hysterical crazy person. I have told him many times that if it continues not only will I beat his ass but I will call the police and have him arrested. It phases him not at all because he knows nobody will belive it. He is an incredibly gifted manipulator and I have seen him con everyone around us. I honestly think at this point, even if we get him in to intensive therapy it might be too late. His mom does not support it and it has taken 6 years for his father to come out of denial. Even then, he isn't dealing with it very well. It is so sad, our family is wonderful, my husband is wonderful (except for this) and my son and the 8 year old are very best friends. Believe me, I have done so much to make this go away and nothing works. I am hoping and praying that we get him in to an inpatient program to get him help, but I don't see his mother going for it. I have started a run fund and am making plans to get out when the need arises. I have been hospitalized twice for the depression this brings on and my husband just now figured that out. I am not stupid or naive, this is something that comes and goes, he does it for a while, stops for months at a time then starts back up again. It just feels so good to be able to talk to about it. Thank you all so much, you have no idea how good it is to hear that I am not crazy. I posted something on another website a few years ago and all the women went nuts telling me they felt sorry for the kid and what a horrible person I was for not liking him. Suffice it to say, I was in the mental ward a few weeks later. This has been so hard. Thank you thank you thank you. You are all wonderful
I cannot begin to tell you all how grateful I am for all of the support. I sat the kid down last night to have a frank discussion about whether or not he had been molested. He absolutely denied it. So I asked him what was making him do these things, and then he said it....."I don't know, I can't control it, I can't stop - it just happens" He was hysterical and scared. We called his mother to come over and listen to the conversatioin, she declined. We asked him if he wanted help and he said yes, and I asked him if he had thought about what would happen when he gets older and he said, "I am going to go to jail". Now for the really shitty part. We spoke to his mother (my husband and I) and said that he needed intensive therapy, possibly inpatient and that we need to get on it asap before he gets into real trouble. Get this, she called the family "therapist" and the therapist sent us an email demanding that we not take him to a "specialist" lest he be "labeled" because it would follow him for the rest of his life. Really. Labeled. His mother would rather the kid keep doing what he is doing - since it is just me, the new wife, and eventually end up in prison or worse, than be labeled. No wonder he is messed up. Anyway, we have a meeting with X, his mom, my husband, the therapist and me tomorrow night. We'll see.
Thank you all again, every single (well, except one) post has been supportive and kind. You have given great advice and made me feel, finally, like I was not alone. I cannot thank you enough. My best to all of you...