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Just had an argument with my best friend over her STEP parenting skills...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

She has been my best friend since we were 5, nearly 40 years.  She recently married a man with 3 kids.  They both have custody of their kids.    

All of the kids go to the same school my kids do.  My DD tells me that "Jenny" (my BFF's stepdaughter) told her that she hates "Auntie D" because she is horribly mean.  I know my BFF, she is not "horribly mean", so I ask what she meant?   She starts telling me how Jenny is now on meds because my BFF decided she cannot handle a hyperactive child and Jenny doesn't like taking them because they make her sick.  Jenny has told her dad but my BFF told him it is her house and she either takes them or she goes to live with her mom.  Her mom is an addict and while in recovery, she is no shape to take care of a kid full time.  She only gets them for 4 hours every Saturday.  

Then DD tells me that Jenny and her brothers have a chore chart and do ALL the housework, except the actual cooking.  I tell DD "no way, Auntie has NEVER made her kids do any housework...I don't believe that."  I tell BFF all the time that her kids will never make it in the real world because clean laundry and a clean house just magically happens at her house, or did when she was married to her first husband.  She never made them pick up after themselves or fix their own plates/drinks, rinse a plate, empty a dishwasher...nothing.   

Then she tells me that Auntie D makes the kids buy all of their snacks and drinks except for the actual meals and ice water.  What?  Now I KNOW she doesn't do this with her own kids, so I am thinking that Jenny is lying and just isn't happy that she now has a stepmom because her dad kind of let her and her brothers run wild and I am thinking BFF has set some rules, so Jenny isn't happy.  

Now, I haven't been at BFF's house much for the last 6 months because she just got married and having a blended family myself, I knew she needed some time to settle in to her new family.

I went over to her house and while we're sitting in the kitchen, I see a chore chart.  I start reading it and yep, there is Jenny and a list of chores.  "Wyatt" and his list of chores.  "Devin" and his list of chores.  I keep reading and pretty much every chore you can imagine is listed.  So I asked her where the chore chart is for "Kelsey, Kevin, and Kaidyn"?  Oh, they're too busy with sports, hunting, fishing, and friends to do chores, you know that.  But don't Jenny, Wyatt, and Devin also do sports and have friends?  Yes, but they don't hunt or fish like my boys do, so they have more time.  I then see her "payout chart for each chore.  50 cents per chore.  These kids have like 20 chores each.  Okay...that is 10 bucks a week for them.  I ask her how her boys earn their allowance.  They don't have to earn it, I get CS for them and I just give them each $20 a week out of it.  But don't you get CS on the others?  Yep, but I have to use it to pay for them.  

So I then ask her about them having to pay for their own snacks/drinks, that Jenny had told DD this.  She laughs and said "Hell yes they pay for their own out of their allowance!"  I asked her if her boys have to and she said no, the CS their dad pays her covers theirs.  I asked her how much she makes them pay?  She shows me a chart...50 cents for a can of pop, $1 for a glass of milk, 25 cents for iced tea or kool aid, any form of snack cake is $1, chips are 75 cents for a baggie, and all fruits were listed as 75 cents each (apples, bananas, baggies of grapes)

I can't help it, I lost it on her and told her she was pathetic.  I said she either needs to charge ALL the kids, or NONE.  I told her I loved her and supported her and stood by her side for nearly 40 years, but this might just be the end of our friendship.  I am a stepmom myself and would NEVER treat my stepkids like this.  She said "her house, her rules."  We had several more words and I left.  

I am heartsick and don't know if I can be her friend ever again.



Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 10, 2013 at 3:16 PM
Replies (161-169):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Sep. 10, 2013 at 8:48 PM
That's the one. The names were listed in the top corners of the dry erase board with specific chores listed next to their names.

Quoting MamaRae85:

The one where she was telling them to buy groceries? I didn't see any names on that.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, there was a post on reddit where the woman was going back to school, so she started to ennforce all of these same rules for her kids (which oddly enough have the same names as your bff's kids). Her kids were older though.



Quoting Anonymous:

No.  Please don't tell me you know someone like this and there are actually TWO women doing this to their skids.  

Quoting Anonymous:

Is your friend by any chance going back to school?





Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

Someone saw that post on reddit.







Troll

Never been on reddit.  This is my best friend of nearly 40 years I am talking about!  Not something I read somewhere.  I have yet to stop crying thinking how she is treating those kids knowing what their lives were like before with their mom being on drugs.  



Kaybean
by Ruby Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 8:51 PM
There's no way anyone in their mind would see nothing wrong with that. You say there's nothing wrong kids having responsibility, but if you read the post and comprehended it, you would know that is NOT the issue here. The issue is how the kids are treated differently. If you think that's perfectly fine, then you're an idiot.


Quoting SaratheV:I actually see nothing wrong with it. She probably gets way more child support for her kids than the step kids. Nothing wrong with them having responsibility.
LizzieAnnesMom
by ☆Mrs.Winchester☆ on Sep. 10, 2013 at 8:56 PM
Call cps, see what they say.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 23 on Sep. 10, 2013 at 8:58 PM
1 mom liked this

I would never want to be friends with her if she doesn't see what she's doing and her dh needs a spine.

MamaRae85
by *you're on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:02 PM

I just saw that yesterday. That woman AND this BFF (assuming it's not a troll post) are insane. This BFF more so. Who makes their stepkids pay for a healthy snack?? Crazy women! Crazy women everywhere! lol

The names on the reddit post were "Wes" and "Meg", though. I had to check back to see them. I didn't remember them.

Quoting Anonymous:

That's the one. The names were listed in the top corners of the dry erase board with specific chores listed next to their names.

Quoting MamaRae85:

The one where she was telling them to buy groceries? I didn't see any names on that.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, there was a post on reddit where the woman was going back to school, so she started to ennforce all of these same rules for her kids (which oddly enough have the same names as your bff's kids). Her kids were older though.



Quoting Anonymous:

No.  Please don't tell me you know someone like this and there are actually TWO women doing this to their skids.  

Quoting Anonymous:

Is your friend by any chance going back to school?





Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

Someone saw that post on reddit.







Troll

Never been on reddit.  This is my best friend of nearly 40 years I am talking about!  Not something I read somewhere.  I have yet to stop crying thinking how she is treating those kids knowing what their lives were like before with their mom being on drugs.  




Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:07 PM
1 mom liked this
Oh my bad. I could have sworn I read the same names on that reddit post. Either way, these stories sound waaay too similar. Dees bitches be cray cray!

Quoting MamaRae85:

I just saw that yesterday. That woman AND this BFF (assuming it's not a troll post) are insane. This BFF more so. Who makes their stepkids pay for a healthy snack?? Crazy women! Crazy women everywhere! lol

The names on the reddit post were "Wes" and "Meg", though. I had to check back to see them. I didn't remember them.

Quoting Anonymous:

That's the one. The names were listed in the top corners of the dry erase board with specific chores listed next to their names.



Quoting MamaRae85:

The one where she was telling them to buy groceries? I didn't see any names on that.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, there was a post on reddit where the woman was going back to school, so she started to ennforce all of these same rules for her kids (which oddly enough have the same names as your bff's kids). Her kids were older though.





Quoting Anonymous:

No.  Please don't tell me you know someone like this and there are actually TWO women doing this to their skids.  

Quoting Anonymous:

Is your friend by any chance going back to school?







Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

Someone saw that post on reddit.









Troll

Never been on reddit.  This is my best friend of nearly 40 years I am talking about!  Not something I read somewhere.  I have yet to stop crying thinking how she is treating those kids knowing what their lives were like before with their mom being on drugs.  




SaratheV
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:09 PM
Nope. Nothing wrong with it. People just expect their kids to be treated like everyone else and that's not how the real world is.


Quoting Kaybean:

There's no way anyone in their mind would see nothing wrong with that. You say there's nothing wrong kids having responsibility, but if you read the post and comprehended it, you would know that is NOT the issue here. The issue is how the kids are treated differently. If you think that's perfectly fine, then you're an idiot.





Quoting SaratheV:I actually see nothing wrong with it. She probably gets way more child support for her kids than the step kids. Nothing wrong with them having responsibility.


Kaybean
by Ruby Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:17 PM
The world may be an unfair and cruel place, but in your own home by your own parents, you should be treated fairly. Tell me, why should children under the same roof be treated unfairly?


Quoting SaratheV:

Nope. Nothing wrong with it. People just expect their kids to be treated like everyone else and that's not how the real world is.




Quoting Kaybean:

There's no way anyone in their mind would see nothing wrong with that. You say there's nothing wrong kids having responsibility, but if you read the post and comprehended it, you would know that is NOT the issue here. The issue is how the kids are treated differently. If you think that's perfectly fine, then you're an idiot.








Quoting SaratheV:I actually see nothing wrong with it. She probably gets way more child support for her kids than the step kids. Nothing wrong with them having responsibility.




SnapIt
by Ruby Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:20 PM
Sad and shocking im sure
People arent what they seem to us when they are behind closed doors


Quoting Anonymous:

I am waiting on our other best friend to get home from work and I am going to call her to see if she knew any of this.  She has been our friend for about 20 years, so she knows her pretty well too.  Well, I THOUGHT I knew her...

Quoting SnapIt:

Thats disgusting!!



I would never let my kids slide and make SO kids do this or treat them that way



Thats sad.



I would tell her other friends and all do an intervetion on her ass to help those kids

Im surprise her SO is letting this happen.



Shes the type that slaps the bad name to SP's

The reason why BMs hate SMs

Not all are this way, yet they get called the bad names


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