Just had an argument with my best friend over her STEP parenting skills...
She has been my best friend since we were 5, nearly 40 years. She recently married a man with 3 kids. They both have custody of their kids.
All of the kids go to the same school my kids do. My DD tells me that "Jenny" (my BFF's stepdaughter) told her that she hates "Auntie D" because she is horribly mean. I know my BFF, she is not "horribly mean", so I ask what she meant? She starts telling me how Jenny is now on meds because my BFF decided she cannot handle a hyperactive child and Jenny doesn't like taking them because they make her sick. Jenny has told her dad but my BFF told him it is her house and she either takes them or she goes to live with her mom. Her mom is an addict and while in recovery, she is no shape to take care of a kid full time. She only gets them for 4 hours every Saturday.
Then DD tells me that Jenny and her brothers have a chore chart and do ALL the housework, except the actual cooking. I tell DD "no way, Auntie has NEVER made her kids do any housework...I don't believe that." I tell BFF all the time that her kids will never make it in the real world because clean laundry and a clean house just magically happens at her house, or did when she was married to her first husband. She never made them pick up after themselves or fix their own plates/drinks, rinse a plate, empty a dishwasher...nothing.
Then she tells me that Auntie D makes the kids buy all of their snacks and drinks except for the actual meals and ice water. What? Now I KNOW she doesn't do this with her own kids, so I am thinking that Jenny is lying and just isn't happy that she now has a stepmom because her dad kind of let her and her brothers run wild and I am thinking BFF has set some rules, so Jenny isn't happy.
Now, I haven't been at BFF's house much for the last 6 months because she just got married and having a blended family myself, I knew she needed some time to settle in to her new family.
I went over to her house and while we're sitting in the kitchen, I see a chore chart. I start reading it and yep, there is Jenny and a list of chores. "Wyatt" and his list of chores. "Devin" and his list of chores. I keep reading and pretty much every chore you can imagine is listed. So I asked her where the chore chart is for "Kelsey, Kevin, and Kaidyn"? Oh, they're too busy with sports, hunting, fishing, and friends to do chores, you know that. But don't Jenny, Wyatt, and Devin also do sports and have friends? Yes, but they don't hunt or fish like my boys do, so they have more time. I then see her "payout chart for each chore. 50 cents per chore. These kids have like 20 chores each. Okay...that is 10 bucks a week for them. I ask her how her boys earn their allowance. They don't have to earn it, I get CS for them and I just give them each $20 a week out of it. But don't you get CS on the others? Yep, but I have to use it to pay for them.
So I then ask her about them having to pay for their own snacks/drinks, that Jenny had told DD this. She laughs and said "Hell yes they pay for their own out of their allowance!" I asked her if her boys have to and she said no, the CS their dad pays her covers theirs. I asked her how much she makes them pay? She shows me a chart...50 cents for a can of pop, $1 for a glass of milk, 25 cents for iced tea or kool aid, any form of snack cake is $1, chips are 75 cents for a baggie, and all fruits were listed as 75 cents each (apples, bananas, baggies of grapes)
I can't help it, I lost it on her and told her she was pathetic. I said she either needs to charge ALL the kids, or NONE. I told her I loved her and supported her and stood by her side for nearly 40 years, but this might just be the end of our friendship. I am a stepmom myself and would NEVER treat my stepkids like this. She said "her house, her rules." We had several more words and I left.
I am heartsick and don't know if I can be her friend ever again.