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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Hard decisions. Leave family to help my mom?

Posted by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:28 PM
  • 311 Replies
Ok, I apologize for the long post. Here's a bit of background info and relevant details.

My husband and I got stationed on Guam in April 2013. I was going to go back to school to finish my RN degree. I was also going to work as a CNA while I went. Well, neither is possible here.
I have 4 kids. Three older boys and youngest is my 2 year old dd.

My mom is in Florida , lives next to a major hospital (I sent my résumé to test the waters) and they're interested in interviewing me. There's also a good college near by that offers the RN nursing program.
My mom is about to go under and lose her home. My step dad makes really really poor choices with money. My mom is 70 years old and is scared no one will hire her, but she's panicking and looking for a job.

I'm thinking of taking my youngest and staying with my mom in Florida. My three boys will stay with dh and go to school. I'd stay with my mom and work. My mom doesn't have many years left. She's only seen dd once and wants to spend time with her grand daughter.
There are medical issues I didn't elaborate on because I didn't think I needed to. She has medical issues that are also swaying my decision. I can't just turn my back on her.
She has a brain aneurism that was found a few years ago, it's inoperable due to its location.
There are many other variables in this than what I've described , straight up because I don't feel comfortable discussing the recent events with my mom or what's been occurring to make me consider going down there. She's simply unable to manage her home and money on her own anymore.

But, leaving to move in with my mom would mean I leave my three boys and my husband, and my husband would be separated from his daughter and wife.

I am worried about my mom and losing her home.

I'm not sure what to do. Be kind, lol. I'm trying to make the right decision. I just don't know which one that is.


Edit, because people are asking the same thing. There's no way for my mom and step dad to live with us. Our house on base is just barely big enough for my 6 person family. My mom will not give up her dogs and shipping them here would be $3000, tickets to Guam are $2000 each. There's no way for 4 adults and 4 kids to live in a 1300 sq ft house.

Edit 2 - I hate editing because if people actually read the responses, they'd see what I've said many many times. I would be gone a semester at a time. Come back for summer breaks, winter vacation, spring break, etc. it's extremely easy getting hops to and from Guam.
My mother has a brain aneurism, she can't keep screwing up like this and recovering from it. Eventually, she'll pass on and her debt will be an issue for her kids. There's a lot more going on.

However, NOTHING HAS BEEN DECIDED. It was an idea I pitched to my husband. He supports me.
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
babyspots17
by Gold Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:33 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't think I could leave my husband and sons in that kind of situation. How long is your husband stationed in Guam?
AVSpecWife4
by Ruby Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:34 PM
Bump
vegaswife2011
by Emerald Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:35 PM

How long are you talking here? I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. Hugs mama! :)

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:35 PM
Can your mom get a temporary residence card and live with you?
MariannLws
by Gold Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:35 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't leave my family. 

LadyVoldemort
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:35 PM
2 moms liked this
It is a tough decision
I'd flip a coin, not because of heads or tails but because once you flip you'll know what you really want to do
PoisonEyeV
by _ on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:36 PM
1 mom liked this

Why can't your mom live with you?


I would live with your mom if your husband is fully capable of taking care of the boys and he's 100% accepting of that kind of choice.

After all you can keep in touch with letters, emails, phone calls, web cams...so many options.  I'd want to spend the last months, years with my mom.  You have the rest of your life and your kid's life to spend with them. Kwim?

                                                                                           

my4kids274
by Platinum Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:36 PM

I would not be able to do that. 

AVSpecWife4
by Ruby Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:36 PM
I'd get round trip tickets. Come back for summer vacation to spend with the boys. If I can.

My dh is there until 2017. 4 year tour


Quoting babyspots17:

I don't think I could leave my husband and sons in that kind of situation. How long is your husband stationed in Guam?
liltampa71
by Platinum Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:37 PM


Guam is a US territory, she would't need any special permission to move there.

Quoting Anonymous:

Can your mom get a temporary residence card and live with you?



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