Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Question for SAHM's

Posted by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:32 AM
  • 90 Replies

I'm a SAHM/WAHM with a total of 5 children and 1 on the way. My children are 13 (my step son who I have sole custody of), 9, 7, 6 (daughters), 15 months (son) and I'm 33 weeks pregnant with a little girl. My 7 year old has special needs so I would say her and my 15 month old take up the majority of my time. Fortuantely the others are fairly independent in most areas.

Finding out I was pregnant with my daughter was a complete shock. I got a tubal after my youngest so I thought I was done. I've been having a hard time this entire pregnancy just handling (emotionally) the idea that there was going to be another one soon. 

I recently decided I really have to try to get more "me" time. My DH works M-F. He leaves the house around 6:30-7am and gets home anywhere from 6-8pm. He has weekends off. I spoke to him about me needing some time for me. The problem is, he's not comfortable with all of the children by himself. I don't blame him. The 4 oldest are my ex husband's children. 3 are biologically mine and one is legally mine. So I decided to try to compromise with him.

As is the case with most SAHM's, I don't sleep much. I'm up a 6am and usually don't go to sleep until midnight. I do all of the cooking and cleaning (though sometimes DH does the dinner dishes for me). I do the bedtime routines and rituals. Well, by the end of the night, I'm exhausted. So I asked him to compromise with me.

I asked if Sundays could be my day to relax. He can sleep in Saturday like he usually does, but he gets up with the kids on Sunday. He gets them fed and the little one dressed. Then, even if I'm awake he is in charge of making sure chores get done, lunch is eaten etc. I'll still be there for support if there is an issue, but I want Sunday to be my lazy day. He agreed to it under the condition that I still cook our Sunday dinner (he's a horrible cook). That was no problem for me because really, I just want at least half the day. I have no problem cooking.

So here is my question to the SAHM's. Do you have an arrangement like this with you DH/SO? How does it work out for you? 

Sorry so long lol

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:32 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:36 AM
1 mom liked this

I have the same sort of arrangement. Sunday is my chill day, I'm here and we're all hanging out together but I'm off-duty.

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:37 AM
1 mom liked this
Basically.. There is no arrangement at all. He is usually of Thursday and Saturday each week and the only change from my usual routine for those days is he brings or oldest daughter to school and picks her up. I still do the cooking and cleaning, bathing, getting or daughter ready for school and taking care of our 2 year old and dealing with what has to be paid. A couple nights i may go to a friends for an hour or 2 for coffee and me time but not to often
by Anonymous 1 on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:38 AM

this is what led to our divorce, he felt that because he worked m-f and was off weekends, that he was also off from having to care for his kids. You already had time off from them 40+ hrs weekly. He couldn't handle two freaking days a week. Now he has no choice. Those are the days he'll get visitation. Sucks for him.

by *Claire-Bear* on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:38 AM

No, I don't....that said, we only have 2 kids, Dh works from home and I get a lot of time to myself since they are in school all day. If I was "on" all the time, I would probably need it as well. 


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:38 AM
No. I wish we did! My husband sleeps all day on his days off. He will stay up all night (until like 7am) and then sleep until 7pm. It's ridiculous.
by Ruby Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:39 AM
2 moms liked this
We don't have an arrangement. My husband is just helpful and very involved with the kids and chores on his own. He's always been that way.

We've been together for 12 years and have 3 kids. 8, 5 and 1.

He lets me sleep in all the time, takes the kids out so I can nap or relax, cleans the house, etc. I never have to ask.

Just like he doesn't have to ask me to play with the kids or wash the dishes, etc. We kind of just do whatever we see that needs to be done.

Good luck! I hope your husband realizes how hard you work and becomes more helpful.
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:40 AM

on weekends my dh always gets up with the kid and lets me sleep in. He is a early riser anyways so him getting up at 7 with the kids isn't a problem. we both get to be lazy on weekends. I  usually fix breakfast and lunch and dinner but i don't do much else and usually on sundays he  mows the yard.

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:43 AM
Yep. DH gets the kids on the bus on Mondays and then on Fridays, he chooses which weekend day he wants to sleep in. We split everything else pretty much.
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:43 AM

I'm like you, 33 weeks pregnant and do everything. I don't have 5 other children though (good god, bless your heart). I have two girls and they're sooo easy. I do everything though and am exhausted and worn down.

DH will keep the kids whenever I need him to, whether it's to go to the store or to go out and have a break. I go out once a month with my girlfriends to a sports bar and we just sit, eat, and have a good fun time watching a game or PPV  for a few hours. I take the time when they are in school to relax, sleep in the morning and do my cleaning in the afternoon so they can help.

On weekends we all are lazy. Kids stay in their pj's and make their own breakfast or DH will get up and get us something from McDonalds while I sleep until whenever I want. Several naps throughout the day, too. I don't ever cook on the weekends, we either go to his mom's or eat out. 

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:44 AM

 No, if and when I feel I need a break, I get it. No prior arrangements needed. My husband understands that I need some alone time now and then, and he has no problem giving it to me, because it gives him more one on one time with the girls.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)