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Christians!!!! would you do this?

Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies



Question: turn your back on others if your offended?




other- please explain

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Total Votes: 5

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okay so its been a nightmare of a year for me and my dh, we are at a critical point in our marriage. 11 months ago we had a stillbirth at 38 weeks. i was in a fog for 10 months, just recently snapped out of it. well my dh had turned to a couple he played games online with, broke down told them of issues going on then told them weeks later that we had a stillbirth, so the issues then made alot more sense to them. they offered to mediate/council us, pushed us going and getting back into church, we both hadnt gone in about 8 yrs. i was catholic so the baptisit church was an adjustment. well they had been pushing devotional books for couples, we do like the love dare. pushing church and reading the bible, praying ect. well my dh came with me, listened to the preaching but when the guy said god is always sheilding and protecting us, my dh laughed........ he is not in a good head space right now, blames himself for our baby passing, hes a carrier for the fatal birth defect she had. hes been through alot of horrifying things no one person should ever go through. as expected this couple *holly and dave* got offended. thats to be expected. i talked with my dh at home and gave an example of god having protected us and our baby from what a live birth would have entailed. life support , shunt in the brain and battling constant seizures, excruciating pain. but god marked her for heaven and to never know the pain of this world, waited until the end to take her so we had all those sweet times with her within me. he understood me and agreed, yeah god was there and protecting us and sheilding us. well dh has felt that holly and dave no longer want to council or be friends with him now after that. i talked with them and holly said yeah they were offended but do want to be friends but that he cant do that again. i explained that he is not where they are at right now and needs patience and time to adjust and culltivate and renew a relationship with god. (8 yrs ago dh was a sunday school teacher) they said they cant let the devil try to get to them and the devil is working in my husband with that... but they do want dh to still keep going to church . im thinking well should they not look deeper and see just another sinner who is struggling? wouldn't it be unchristian to turn their backs? how do they expect to council a couple when they refuse to have anything to do with one half of that couple? due to this im wary of developing a closer friend ship with them. however i also sat and prayed that god would help them to be kind, thoughtful patient and understanding of my husband on his path back closer to god. for them to not turn their hearts cold against him. he did not go to church with me that night intending and setting out to offend them. no he was just struggling with his own crisis and pain. it really was nothing to do with them at all. so all you other Christians what would you do if you were * holly and dave* ? i have a strange feeling if they do cut off my dh that they may push to end our marrige because my dh is on a slower path and struggling. and that the "devil" is controling him...
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:40 PM
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Replies (1-8):
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:44 PM
You two need a real therapist, not some random church people!
by Sarah on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:47 PM
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Wow, they sound very pushy and judgemental , we are all sinners and fall short maybe you should remind them of that!! Lol I am a Christian but I wouldn't do that, they aren't trying to be supportive and obviously their hearts aren't in the right place
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:47 PM
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I can't answer because what he did wouldn't have offended me. I would have been understanding to his pain and what he was going through. So there would be no reason for my to turn my back on him. Frankly, I think they are being too sensitive and uncompassionate to what has happened to him. He lost a child because of his genes and for a while his own wife due to grief. He is hurting and angry. He needs healing and until that happens he is going to have hurtful outburst like that. It's human nature.

by Bronze Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:56 PM
The best person to go to would be the preacher. he can council and guide your dh the best possible way. go to him with your dh.
by Platinum Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:56 PM
In my opinion, holly and Dave need to be replaced by true professionals. You and your husband need real counseling. Do not continue To listen to their advice for you. What you two are dealing with is way beyond the scope of "read the bible and say your prayers".
by *Claire-Bear* on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:59 PM

First, I am so very sorry for your loss. Nothing is like losing a child. We lost our first daughter at 36 weeks, so I've walked your path and it stinks. 

Holly and Dave need to re-evaluate their walk if they are going to be so hard on your husband. He is hurting. Badly. For goodness sakes, you guys just lost a child! The devil is not at work in your husband, he is processing all that has happened, and was working on getting back on his own path to the Lord. Christ calls us to help others and to love our neighbor as ourself. They are not doing this from what it seems. 

Honestly, if they are not being Christ like in their dealings with you guys, you need to break from them. Right now, the most important thing you can do is to have supportive, loving Christians in your life if that is what you are looking for in your walk. 

My favorite verse is in my signature: " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13 


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 6:15 PM
I answered but what happened wouldn't have offended me at all. It sound like your "friends" aren't true friends and not very Christian. I would seek someone profesional to help you and maybe a pastor or a priest to talk to. I am so sorry for your loss.
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 6:20 PM

Hun....Im SO sorry. The death of a child is THE hardest loss in the world. It, and many other reasons, ended my first marriage.

I think its wrong for that couple to turn their backs. I *hated* God when my son died. I called Him every name I could think, told Him he was...well, not great things.

Anyway, NO! This is not a reason to take their support from him. Thing may be that they dont understand because theyve not been through it. Human nature is to find SOMEONE to blame. When youve beat yourself up so much and so dont even have enough faith in yourself to believe youre responsible for it any more so you have to turn somewhere else. Your DH may need more time and may find his way back to God.

It took YEARS for me to be remotely calm and 'civil' with God. I also think that counseling with a licensed psychologist will help you BOTH. That person can guide you and offer support on how to dela with this and move foward in your lives as a couple. The church couple is great but this isnt something they are trained to handle. 

Again, Im so sorry. Hugs and many prayers for both of you! <3 Please, if you want, feel free to message me. I have three angel babies so I understand where both of you are. Hugs! 

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