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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Can someone be truly in love with you and still cheat?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 62 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Can someone be truly in love with you and still cheat?

Options:

Yes

No

Maybe


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 99

View Results

S/O says he is in love with me but has been cheating on me for our entire relationship (two years) with his ex and another woman he met online.  Probably others too.  He lies about everything and when I catch him in lies it's usually about the ex who he's constantly cheating on me with.  He swears he is in love with me and doesn't love these other women, and he's been in therapy for over a year now supposedly trying to get help with it due to his super messed up childhood, but nothing changes.  I gave him an ultimatum last night.  I said I'm leaving if he won't be faithful from here on out and cut off all contact with his ex for good.  He told me he loves me but he can't promise he won't cheat again (blaming it on his psychological problems) and he won't cut off ties with his ex.  Of course he blames his refusal to do that on his "illness" as well.

How can he truly be in love with me if he'd rather lose me than be faithful?  And if when given an ultimatum he chooses his ex over me?  It hurts so much.  I want to believe he loves me but its like he doesn't even care that he's lost me.  Worse, I know the minute I leave he'll be back with his ex.

How can someone who truly loves me treat me like this?  I would never do this to him.  I love him so much and I've done and been through so much for him.  I don't think he ever loved me at all. :(

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 11, 2013 at 6:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kjfamily
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 6:39 PM
1 mom liked this
I have loved someone and cheated but it was not on going like your situation. he sounds like a mess I wouldn't want to deal with .
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 11, 2013 at 6:39 PM
6 moms liked this

I am going to say no, not possible. I truly love my Dh with everything I have, I would never cheat on him because just the thought of hurting him breaks my heart. I think anyone who is truly in love would feel the same way.

ElitestJen
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 6:41 PM
Well, if he has psychological problems, he has a skewed perception of reality. He may love you as he understands it. He may also have impulse issues and not truly understand consequences.
Luna091306
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 6:44 PM
2 moms liked this

No, I don't think so. I don't see how you could do that to someone you claim to love.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 11, 2013 at 6:56 PM

I feel exactly the same way.  I guess I just have to walk away even though it breaks my heart.  I know I will never love anyone the way I love him.  If he isn't my true love then no such person exists for me. 


Quoting Anonymous:

I am going to say no, not possible. I truly love my Dh with everything I have, I would never cheat on him because just the thought of hurting him breaks my heart. I think anyone who is truly in love would feel the same way.



Newfie_Mom
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 7:01 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes. But it is not the case in your scenario (my opinion take it for what you want)

I honestly believe someone can truly love another person and still cheat.
A. Swingers do it all the time. They are in love with their partner but seek excitement and pleasure elsewhere (that's not love it's lust)
B. there is a control thing with cheating. They cheat but its their partner they truly love. They can dominate their side piece in ways they would never subject their partner to.

I have never cheated but I have been cheated on. In one scenario he truly did love me but had perversions I was not willing to fill and he went else where. I left him for his unfaithfulness.
chaslee
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 7:01 PM

I voted before I read your post.  So, I voted Yes, a person can be in love and cheat, and I do believe this.  But in your situation, no, I do not think that is the case.  I think that he is cheating because he can, because you allow it.  He can blame it on whatever the  hell he wants to, but as long as you keep looking the other way he's gonna keep doing it.  Ultimatums only work if you plan on following through.  Telling him you will leave and then staying isn't going to cut it.  And no, I don't think he loves you because he has no respect for you, or any other woman, from the sound of it, he doesn't value your feelings, thoughts or concerns at all.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 11, 2013 at 7:03 PM
1 mom liked this

Walk, Girl.  

That is all.

momatippie
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 7:04 PM
1 mom liked this

Leave,   Hurry.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 11, 2013 at 7:05 PM
2 moms liked this

No, because someone who truly loves you would put your feelings before their own. Chosing to cheat is selfish and self serving and not someone who is in love would/could do to that person. 

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