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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Paying for my daughter's friend lunches. Illegal??? UPDATED

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 53 Replies

My daughter is in 7th grade.  She is friends with this very nice, very shy, polite girl.  They have been friends since 3 grade.    I honestly like this girl a lot, because even though my daughter is nice, responsible and all, she can have some crazy ideas sometimes.  And this other girl is always "soothing her out"  So I like her friendship with my daughter.

Well on 5th grade, my daughter told me her friend had lost her home and went to live with grandma, then in 6th grade she said the grandma had kick her friend out (and her mom and brother) then later on moved into a motel.

All this time, she had been "sharing" her lunch with the friend. (yes she isn't supposed to share) I told her if they were living in a motel, maybe they had financial hardship, and that probably she could qualify for reduced meals or lunches.  Well, my daughter said she qualify for reduced but that her mom wont put money on it since she never have money, so she had to bring lunch from home, but then said that in her house, there was never "lunch food".   So at my daughter sleep over I over heard them talking, my daughter asking her:  "So what do you do when there is no food?"  she answered: " I just go to a friends house or something"  ok so it broke my heart.  I called CPS and made a report, and to the school as well.  CPS did nothing. They had an interview and that was that.     

So after that, I begin filling this little girl lunch card with money. Only about 40 cents per meal, no big deal.  Its been two years.  

Today in the morning my daughter said she had a negative balance in her own card.. so I went to school to fill it up in the cafeteria.  And since I usually do both at the same time, I figured that her friend's balance was negative too.  I asked the lady if  -her name- had a negative balance as well.   She said, she couldnt give me that information, because Im not the girl's mother.   I said I knew her mom, but she refused.  So I told her ok, and gave her 30 dlls and asked her to put them in her account.  She looked at me and asked if I was paying for the girl's lunches, and I said yes.  She gave me back the money and said that I couldn't do that because that was ILLEGAL.  How is that illegal???  I gave the money to my daughter and told her to put it in her friends card and she didnt have a problem with it.    

I dont want to get in trouble obviously, but I dont want this girl to not have a decent lunch because of her mom's issues.... 


UPDATE.  Omg thank you so much for all the answers. I was feeling a bit scared because for some reason she made me doubt that I was actually doing something illegal.   My husband just called one of his friends who's father is a police man.  He explained the whole thing.  The father (cop) said it is not Illegal in California to pay for a child's meal, even if the child is not your own.   Phew!!  But he did said Im not supposed to ask ANY questions about another child's account.   He will talk to my husband tomorrow after work to see into this girl situation, and he said too, is a big chance if the mom is living in a motel that both her children can get completely free meals.  I dont know where the brother  (7) is but I do know that she does fills his account-  (my daughter's friend told my daughter.)   Her reasoning? Because the brother is little, and she can make her own lunch.  But with what??  She can't bring microwave meals to school.

So anyhow, I plan on refilling her account until either she gets them free or something.  I have never been in this situation but once I read a book called "the it child" or something, and I cannot bare the thought of hunger in kids.

Thank you thank you!!


Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MrsApple
by Gold Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:32 PM
2 moms liked this

I can't see why in the world that would be illegal! If it is,that's just horrible.Bless your heart for making sure that girl gets atleast one decent meal a day.

ff-princess
by Ruby Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:32 PM

it's not illegal, and you should now talk to someone in authority over the lunch program.  I would guess you need to speak with somebody in the office.

QueenBee107
by Bronze Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:36 PM
4 moms liked this
Its not illegal to pay for her lunch. They cant tell you if she free or reduced since that is illegal but anyone can pay for a students lunch. BTW I am a cafeteria manager in a middle school and I would have taken the money. if I have someone wanting to give me lunch money I am taking it.
GaleJ
by Gold Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:39 PM
2 moms liked this
I can't imagine that it's illegal and as ff-princess suggested I think you should see someone in authority.

Beyond that I just want to say what wonderful friends you and your daughter are to this child. You are making an incredible difference in her life, children should not be hungry!
peanutsmommy1
by Ruby Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:41 PM
3 moms liked this
If she is livingin a motel, she is eligible for services under the McKinney Vinto homeless education act, and free lunch is one of those benefits
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:43 PM

I don't see how it's illegal. How does she know the money didn't come from Mom herself, and you were just dropping it off for her? I usually have a positive balance on my kids account at the end of the year. They wont roll the amount over so I asked that the money be put on a negative account. They ask the parents before doing so, but never said anything about it being illegal.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:44 PM

Quoting MrsApple:

I can't see why in the world that would be illegal! If it is,that's just horrible.Bless your heart for making sure that girl gets atleast one decent meal a day.


40 cents is not a big of a deal for us, but it is for her. She is such a nice girl.
xixCandyxix
by Platinum Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:45 PM

I agree you need to talk to someone higher up about this.

okpondlady
by Platinum Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:45 PM

 I would be talking to the Cafeteria Supervisor.  There is no way that is illegal.   It might be against privacy regulations for her to TELL you anything, but as my mother told the HS Principle... I can TELL you a thing or two about my granddaughter... you don't have to open your mouth!!!! 

HIJKLM
by Ruby Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:45 PM
I'm not sure how that is illegal but I would just give DD the money to put on her friends account. I don't personally pay for my kids lunch, I give them the money and they pay the school. How would the school know where DDs friend got the money?
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