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My son doesn't want to invite an "annoying" child for his birthday party. WWYD?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My son and I were reading through a list of his classmates and deciding if they were invited to his party or not.  He is in 1st grade and has already decided that he does NOT want girls at his party.  Okay... we can invite all the boys in your class.

BUT when we got to little George my DS said "NO WAY I DO NOT WANT HIM THERE"  

I said "well son, it will hurt his feelings if he's not invited.  We should send an invite."

Ds said "No, he's loud and doesn't listen and bullys people and gets in to trouble all the time and he annoys me."

I said "Sweetie it's one party and we don't want to be unkind do we?" 

DS said "Mom, I am nice to him every day at school. I do not want him to come to my birthday party, he will hurt my feelings. He always hurts my feelings.  Can I please have one day with my friends without him there?"


I had no idea what to say... told DS we will fence the subject for now, but we have to decide by Friday. 


What on earth would you do?  I absolutely DO NOT want to disinclude this little boy. He THINKS my son is his best friend.  He loves everyone.  But his is a bully. I've seen him steal things from my child in class and break them.  He doesn't listen to me or teachers or his parents and my son is right, he will probably end up hurting his feelings.   But, this is a 6 year old kid...  DS isn't inviting 2 or 3 other boys either because he doesn't know them very well (still very early in the year).   But this particular child adores my son and knows his birthday is coming up because we already had a party for him in class. 


HELP!  What would you do?


EDIT:  I can't believe there are over 100 replies!  I will read and get to them as quickly as I can!  Thank you all for weighing in.  I'll update again when I get through all of the replies!  

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 12, 2013 at 1:33 PM
Replies (101-110):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 12, 2013 at 4:42 PM

Yes.  And we already did! :) 


Quoting Ms.D-_-:

Could you maybe do cupcakes for the class that way nobody gets left out and the kids he wants can go to his party?



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 12, 2013 at 4:46 PM


The problem is that this child and my son have been in class together in Kinder too, and my son is the only one that is nice to him.  So, he thinks that my son is his best friend, which in a way I guess he is.  But, my son is only nice because he's a good person... and he is very clear at home about how he doesn't like the kid, because he's not a nice person and he is annoying. 

Quoting sampson200:

This is why we don't do 'let the entire school class come to Bobby's House for a birthday party'.

Kids don't like every kid in their class, that is natural.

We only invite children that our children are actually FRIENDS with.

That makes sense to the other kids in the class, too.

Why would they want to attend my son's 9th birthday when they don't even hang out with him, have any relationship with him, or if they're a kid that doesn't like my son or that my son doesn't like.

I don't know why parents have to invite every kid.

If every parent did that in my son's class, that would average to almost every other weekend being spent a someone's birthday party.

What an expense and waste of time.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 12, 2013 at 4:47 PM


DS teacher will slip them in school bags while the children are at lunch.  We already talked about it because we're not inviting everyone and I didn't want any child to feel left out. 

Quoting brettsmomma:

My son only is allowed 5 friends at his parties. We deliver the invites before or after school so no one feels left out. 



Mommy2ETnBM
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 4:49 PM
1 mom liked this

At both of my kids schools they are not allowed to send out invites to select people. It's the entire class or no one. With that said, if my child could choose which friends to invite, I would just get in touch with the kids parents and invite the kids rather than send an invite via the teacher. That will save a lot of feelings. If your son doesn't like the kid, don't force him to invite him. That's his special day and by making him invite someone he doesn't want there, that's ruining his day. 

furbabymum
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 4:50 PM

 You spoken to the kids parents about it? I would. Then I'd have my kid rehearse what to say so he can tell this kid himself that he's a bully and not nice and he doesn't like him. You know, in a kind way. ;)

Quoting Anonymous:

 

The problem is that this child and my son have been in class together in Kinder too, and my son is the only one that is nice to him.  So, he thinks that my son is his best friend, which in a way I guess he is.  But, my son is only nice because he's a good person... and he is very clear at home about how he doesn't like the kid, because he's not a nice person and he is annoying. 

Quoting sampson200:

This is why we don't do 'let the entire school class come to Bobby's House for a birthday party'.

Kids don't like every kid in their class, that is natural.

We only invite children that our children are actually FRIENDS with.

That makes sense to the other kids in the class, too.

Why would they want to attend my son's 9th birthday when they don't even hang out with him, have any relationship with him, or if they're a kid that doesn't like my son or that my son doesn't like.

I don't know why parents have to invite every kid.

If every parent did that in my son's class, that would average to almost every other weekend being spent a someone's birthday party.

What an expense and waste of time.

 

 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 12, 2013 at 4:50 PM

Yes.  He follows him around and talks to him all the time. He wants to sit next to him every day.  BUT, then he pushes, pinches, talks over, takes things, and bothers my child without stopping even when my son asks nicely. 

My son, however, puts up with it because it makes him sad to see the kid all alone at lunch or on the playground. 


Quoting Anonymous:

So the child LOVES your son but hurts his feelings & breaks his stuff?

Sorry my child, they invite who they want.



lanceandhailey
by Platinum Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 4:54 PM

 I only invite who my kids want. I ask the teacher in an email for the email address of the kids' parents they want and do it that way. If I want to send an actual invite I ask the parent in an email for their address to do so.

glorytojehovah
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 4:55 PM

We have a policy at school that all kids have to be included or no invitations allowed, so it sort of takes away the choice. I just do something at the school in their class and keep the Birthday party for neighborhood friends and family.

prettynproper
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 4:56 PM

 the ultimate goal for your son's birthday is to celebrate HIM. he won't have fun if someone is hurting his feelings.

inspain
by Platinum Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 4:57 PM

DD is homeschooled, so this hasn't been much of an issue.  We did have a problem one year when DD wanted to invite her friend but didn't want her friend's younger sister (who, even I have to admit, is one twisted little jerk) to come too.  I finally just nutted-up and asked the mom if it was possible to only bring the sister that DD was friends with.  The mom understood.  Unfortunately, because the kid is a mean little shit to just about everyone, it's not the first time she's been left out of a party.  I didn't feel bad about it and I still don't.  The last time that little girl was over, I'd gone the idiot route of insisting that DD just go with, just that once, assuring her that it wouldn't be that bad.  The kid went upstairs and spent a good half hour crushing every single crayon and pastel into the floor of the playroom and tearing all the pages out a book of mine.  

I know you're trying to do good, but I wouldn't invite the kid if your kid doesn't want them there.  It's his birthday, why should he have to take one for the team on his birthday?

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